Page 60 of It's Just You

Kane chuckled quietly. “True. Still, I’m sorry you got hurt.”

How was it that we had so many other problems to face, but he was still talking about Steve? What was he trying to tell me? I spun it around and around in my head, but I couldn’t find an answer. “Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say.

We fell silent again.

Just when I thought he’d fallen asleep again, he said, “Does it still scare you? Me not having… Me never having been with a man?”

Suddenly, his other question made more sense. I wasn’t really, 100% sure. I wanted to believe I was okay with it, but a small spark of doubt lingered.

“I’m… No. Not like this.” Before he could speak, I hurried to add, “I mean, yes, in a way, it’s kind of a repetition of the last time… but on the other hand, it’s completely different because you’re you. You’re not some guy who’s just out to get laid. You’re not… I don’t even know how to explain it, but you’re different.”

“You still freaked,” Kane commented quietly, his voice subdued.

I sighed. “I know. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… reacted.”

“I get it. I was… insecure when I realized I was attracted to you.”

“Must’ve been crazy. But I can’t blame you. I mean, I am fabulous,” I told him with a smirk.

Kane laughed, which I felt just as much as heard. “Oh, yes.”

“But that had to be scary too. With it being someone like me…” I fell silent, not wanting to add more. I didn’t care what others thought, but I also wasn’t stupid. Some guys just weren’t into the feminine thing.

“What do you mean?” Kane asked, serious again.

“Look at me. I mean, yeah, I’m fabulous, but not everyone wants a man who wears more makeup than a lot of women.” Hell, at this rate, I was going to start sounding like my father.

“Oh. You know, I never saw it that way.” Kane suddenly moved, working himself out from where his arm had been under me. What the hell was he going to do now?

He embraced me again, but before I could react, he rolled on top of me, caging me in. Holy hell, I loved it. His weight was pressing me down, and… Fuck, I was hard.

“Now, let me tell you something, Finn.” He kissed my lips. “The way you dress, the way you wear make-up, the way you love your underthings… that’s part of what makes you interesting. Sexy. Hell, maybe I have some sort of kink, considering I get hard whenever I think about you in some kind of satin or lace.” He kissed me again. “When I see you with your dark, sexy eyes. When you’re walking. When you wear some kind of dress or jeans or nothing at all… You’re so fucking hot the way you are, Finn. Not any other way, and definitely not if you changed yourself because of what someone else might expect. I’m still not completely sure I could fall for a woman or another guy, but hell, you totally, absolutely rock it. Me. My world.”

I stared up into his eyes, swallowing hard. This was… I didn’t even know what it was. I’d never been in this position before. Well, yes, I’d been under a man plenty of times, but usually there weren’t any clothes at all between us.

Now, though, partially clothed but below him — caged in, secure, warm, wanted — just the way I was, I couldn’t hold back.

“I’ve been bullied a lot because of it. Did you ever notice that in school?” I asked. “Or when we were around. We moved away then, but before? I mean, I’ve been bullied before, and one day, I decided to say fuck it. But I’m somehow having a hard time wrapping my mind around you being attracted to what others saw as a reason to laugh at me over. My own father hates the way I dress, the way I am. We get along, but never to the extent that he accepts me.”

Kane looked at me for a moment, his face serious. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. I just… I know you’re confident, but I know it has to be hard. So I wanted to tell you that I like you exactly how you are, you know? Not how someone else expects you to be or tells you to be. And I, for my part, wouldn’t want you to wear anything else.” He drew me into a soft kiss. “I…” He sighed. “I’d gotten some hints of the bullying, but I didn’t pay much attention. I’m truly sorry I never stepped in. I wish I had. I’m even sorrier you had to go through it.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me, even though it’s been ages. And no, I don’t think you could’ve stopped it. It was just the way it happened back then. You didn’t join them, and Sam…” There was a bad taste on my tongue, but I went on, “Sam did his best.”

Kane breathed in harshly. “I’d have never joined in!”

“I know. I never said you would. I said you didn’t, because I know you wouldn’t — that’s what’s important to me.” I paused, looking at him. “That doesn’t make any sense, does it?”

Kane chuckled. “Not really. I think? I guess I sort of know what you mean.” After another kiss, he finally rolled down from on top of me, leaving me cold as he turned onto his side. I’d never really enjoyed someone being on top of me like that before, but with Kane, it was different. He might’ve needed to have some sort of connection to someone to be attracted to them, but apparently, I needed to have trust established to truly enjoy it.

I turned onto my side, too, rolling against Kane. “Thank you for still understanding.” I got lost in my thoughts again. What I’d just discovered made sense. And what I’d told Kane about the bullying… I didn’t talk to many people about it, but with him, I needed to get it out. I wasn’t even sure if it made sense, that I needed to tell him so badly, but I had to. I wanted to share this part of me with him.

I was so fucking gone for him, it wasn’t even funny. Yay me. Here I was, all about the one night stands — or falling for straight guys — and I was doing the same thing over again. Wasn’t I?

In Kane’s case, though, it felt different.

“Somehow, that smile tells me you’re not thinking about bullying anymore.” Kane smirked.

I raised my eyebrows. “What makes you think that?” Well, that would’ve sounded better if I hadn’t had to clear my throat before I could even say a word.

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