Page 53 of It's Just You

15

Finn

“Hey, how are you doing? Still no freaking out?”I kept my text light, hoping I wasn’t going to find out he was seriously freaked out by what we’d done. It had to have been a hard realization for him, not only being attracted to a man, but for that man to be… well…

Me.

Well, of course I was fabulous — I snorted to myself — but my preference for feminine underthings, the makeup, the nail polish, and everything else that made me more androgynous than traditionally handsome. Everything that made me me could be difficult to deal with, especially for someone plunged into the deep end without warning.

I’d had more than one guy turn away from me when he’d discovered the lace and satin, though I’d also had more than a few who’d discovered it was a kink of their own when they’d seen me decked out in it. Some thought it threatened their masculinity, even if I was the one wearing lace.

No, I’d never figured that one out either.

But still, despite being somewhat wary, it didn’t stop me from wearing it. I firmly believed that people could accept me for the way I was or get lost — ironic, maybe, considering I never let them stay the night to see me with my makeup so much as smudged too much.

Sleeping over or having someone over for the night was out of the question, but it wouldn’t become an issue with Kane even if things did proceed for us. I’d only be here another month or so, but it wasn’t like we could play sleepover at our age without eyebrows being raised. At least it gave me a valid reason to avoid it without upsetting him.

Of course, he needed to actually want to see me again. He wouldn’t be the first one to get cold feet, and I doubted he’d be the last. He’d had our talk, and I understood enough about demisexuality to know it wouldn’t actually stop him from panicking. He’d accepted everything like he didn’t even doubt himself, like he woke up one day and thought, hey, men are sexy, and that was that. It had been too easy for him to fall into bed with me, too… I didn’t know.

I wasn’t trusting him not to freak and drop me, or avoid me, or blow me off until I moved on. Even if he stuck around for now, he’d probably want to break things off when I went back to college. I doubted he’d want a long distance relationship, and I didn’t think I did either.

Well, we had a few weeks left, and if he stayed around for those, we’d see where things led. So far, every time I’d thought something could get serious, it didn’t last, so I definitely wouldn’t keep my hopes up.

It made it easier than the other way around, which hurt like hell. Thankfully, I’d managed not to get too hurt in the past few years — with the notable exception of my asshole ex-boyfriend Steve — and hopefully I could keep it that way.

My phone pinged, but the text was from Micah, not Kane. “Hey, how are things? Did you figure it out with Kane?”

“It’s looking good. Don’t tell anyone, but you might’ve been right. I took the leap, and it worked out well, at least for now. We’ll have to see what the future holds,”I replied.

“Ohhhh give me more!! I want details!”I could practically imagine Micah’s excited voice.

“Nope, no way. You get the summary version, but that’s it.”We were friends, but it wasn’t like either of us needed to know in detail what the other one liked in bed. I liked Micah, but I didn’t really want to know what happened in his house when no one but Carter was there. I added anyway, “We talked, we like each other, we kissed and did a little exploring, and now we’re going to see where it’s heading. Happy?”

It took Micah a moment to answer, the little dots appearing then disappearing a few times before his message came through. “I’m torn between wanting to insist on the dirty details and not wanting to have to bleach my brain.”

I snorted. “I’m pretty sure Carter prefers it if you don’t do anything that could hurt you, so maybe it’s best if I don’t tell you anything. He’d hurt me if you hurt yourself in any way because of me, and your man is scary.”

“He’s not mean at all! But okay, be mean then. I’ll still like you anyway.”

“I like you too. Still not giving you details.”

“:-P”

I snorted. “That won’t help either.”

“All right, I give up. Man, I can’t wait until you’re back so we can talk face to face again. Just texting sucks sometimes.”

“Yeah.”Though there was a part of me that wasn’t so eager to just leave. I shut down the hope threatening to rise within me. I couldn’t do that now, especially when Kane hadn’t even answered my first text.

“Okay, I need to go now, but we’ll talk later. Enjoy your man… even if I don’t get the details.”

I was still grinning when I sent my own goodbye. My heart fluttered when another message popped up, this time from Kane.

“No, not freaking out at all. Don’t worry. Thinking a lot about what happened, but in a good way.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god. “I’m glad you’re not freaking out, but I admit I’m not surprised. You’re too calm for that.”

“Was that your way to nicely say I’m boring? :-)”

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