Page 3 of It's Just You

“Your parents that bad?”

Maybe I’d told him too much about my parents that I probably should’ve kept to myself. “Nah, not that bad. But still, I don’t wanna be at home all the time.”

“Have fun then. I’m going to spend some time with my parents. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Sam’s parents were some of the nicest people I knew. They’d accepted me without ever questioning anything about me. Neither of their boys — what was Sam’s older brother’s name? Right, Kane — was gay, yet they’d never batted an eye when I came out. It was like they’d been there and done that a few times already.

“There’s a new bar out on Maple you might want to check out.”

“Got it. Thank you.”

No hanging out with Sam today, then, but at least he’d pointed me in the direction of a place that wasn’t likely to lynch me for dressing the way I did.

First, though, a nap was in order. Otherwise, I’d fall asleep before I even checked out what was happening in the bar.

When I wokeup a couple of hours later, I felt much better. It still sucked that Sam couldn’t come with me, but I totally understood. I just didn’t want to be stuck in my own house with my own parents.

Before I could leave, though, I had to make it through the worst of it. Dinner wasn’t exactly a lovely affair. Dad spent most of his time silently staring at me, probably still trying to figure out how to get his queer, effeminate, slightly embarrassing son to “grow up.” Even though he’d accepted I’d make a lousy lawyer, he still wanted me to do something more serious than studying art.

At least this time, we didn’t have that conversation. My grades had been so bad in everything else that no respectable law school would accept me — something I wasn’t sad about.

I didn’t really know what I was doing with my life, but I knew it didn’t rest in law.

One day, I’d discover what I did want to do with my life, then I’d look him in the eyes and tell him and hope like hell he’d accept it.

Today wasn’t that day, though, and in the meantime, I had to suffer through his judgmental glances and the speculation about just how much of my potential I was wasting in his eyes.

Some people might’ve thought the only reason I went for art in the first place was to annoy my dad, but they didn’t know me at all. Maybe, just maybe, it had played a role in what I’d finally decided to study, but on the other hand, I really did love the classes. Learning different ways to create masterpieces was a good way to spend my time.

The only problem was that I had to figure out what to do with my life. So far I enjoyed most of my art classes — at least, the ones that let me be creative. Looking at old pictures and analyzing them wasn’t my favorite part. I loved looking at them, but I didn’t want to spend so much time mulling over why they used a different shade of green for one of the trees.

Sadly, that wasn’t the way to get my father to see me in a different light. For him, I was some kind of embarrassment, even though he’d never say that aloud. He was way too concerned about what others thought of him, and he could stomach being seen as a bad father even less than he could stomach my… eccentricities.

All in all, I didn’t think I’d done too badly in the parent arena — especially compared to, say, my friend Micah’s parents. They were so disapproving that they didn’t even really have a place in his life. At least mine still wanted me around.

Did I wish for different parents? Sometimes. Did I appreciate what they were doing for me? Definitely. After all, they paid for my apartment, my education, and the cost of living. What else could I ask for? I could deal with a little bit of disapproval.

But it didn’t stop me from going head-to-head with Dad whenever I needed to. Thankfully, most of the time we didn’t care enough to fight. I knew he wasn’t happy with my choices, and I wasn’t happy with what he expected of me. We managed to live side-by-side as much as possible, which meant dinner on nights like tonight were on the quiet side. We still got through them.

As soon as I finished eating, I excused myself, glad to escape the oppressive silence in the dining room and eager to get out to spend time with people who weren’t my parents.

There wasn’t a mirror in the newly furnished guest room, and the lighting in the bathroom sucked, so getting ready took a while. But finally I managed, deeming myself ready to go out and have some fun. I desperately needed it. Usually, my father’s disapproval didn’t bother me that much, but today…

I just wanted to have a couple of beers and relax.

Maybe it was the combination of being in this damn town and seeing my parents again. I really didn’t know. I just knew I needed to go out.

I tried to sneak out, making my way through the kitchen instead of the living room, but of course Dad had to be getting himself something to drink the moment I tiptoed into the room.

“Are you going out?” His eyes swept over me from top to bottom, then back up. It wasn’t hard to see the disapproval in his face when he saw just how I’d layered my makeup on for a night out. On top of that, I was wearing jeans that fit me like a glove and an artfully ripped t-shirt that more than showed what I was offering underneath.

“I am, yeah. I’m going to check out a bar Sam suggested. I don’t expect to be home anytime soon, so don’t wait up, please. I’ll take a taxi home or something.”

“You’re going out like… that?” He looked at me again, as though trying to wrap his head around my appearance. I could see in his tight face just how he was trying to figure out how to justify having such a son.

And I definitely hadn’t added more makeup than necessary in honor of being home, or to piss him off. I wouldn’t do that. Absolutely not.

He ran a hand over his face then sighed deeply. “I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop you, right?”

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