Page 92 of Jump

“Viv?” Hannah grabs my wrist when I robotically set her coffee down and turn away with the intention of making one for myself. “Hey?” she tugs me back. “You in there?”

“Yeah.” I shake my head to bring a little sense back to the forefront of my mind. Then I do to her exactly what Matt does to me: I fake a smile.

It’s the polite thing to do.

I’m a hypocrite.

“I’m fine,” I finally answer. “I’m glad you dropped by.”

“Yeah, well…” She firms her lips and releases my hand. “It’s your birthday. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

A soft snicker rolls along my throat. Because if I don’t laugh, I might sob. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Sure. But I’ll get to it in a little while. Friends first.”

She picks up her coffee and holds it between her palms, and since she’s settling in for a chat, I turn on my heels and get to work making my own. Not because I’m thirsty or particularly in need of caffeine, but because I don’t want to stare directly into her eyes when she asks me about my life.

“So,” she starts, as predictable as the sun rising in the east. “How are things between you and Ruiz?”

I choke out a desperate laugh and set a fresh mug beneath the coffee spout. “Things are good. Busy.” I move to the fridge and swap the creamer for regular milk, then turning back, I force a grin for my best friend that turns into a grimace. “He makes me worry a lot.”

“Because his job is dangerous?” she assumes. “Yeah, I mean… I get that. It terrifies me every day when Axel walks out the door for a twenty-four-hour shift. So much can happen in that time, ya know? And they so rarely share the truth of it all. When I ask Axel how his day was, he’ll tell me the good stuff. The fun stuff. But he completely glosses over the risks.”

“He’s trying to protect you.” I turn back to my coffee and drop a dollop of milk on top. Then leaving the carton on the counter, I grab my mug and spin, hugging the porcelain between my hands. “Just like you don’t tell him the bad.”

Her eyes narrow in challenge. “What bad? I tell him everything.”

“You tell him about your nightmares?”

If she wants to step up, then I will too. I have energy to burn and a fight I want to use it on.

“You sleep like a baby when he’s home, Han. But when he’s on shift, you hardly close your eyes at all. And when you do, you have nightmares about Raul.”

“So?” She sets her coffee down with a clang. “The dude was supposed to be my friend, Viv. He was a guy I trusted. And in the end, he burned Axel’s home to the ground and would have murdered the man I love. I’m allowed to take my time processing that.”

“Sure.” Strolling to the opposite counter, I lower to my elbows and study her eyes. “But are you processing, or are you suffering? Because there’s a difference.”

She flattens her lips and meets me head-on. “Okay, Dr. Phil. You wanna dance? How are you and Matt really doing?”

“We’re fine. I already sa—”

“You’re lying! He just left, Viv! He walked out the door without saying goodbye. He didn’t tell you he loves you. There was no kiss. No affection. No see ya later.”

Strike one. Strike two. Strike three.

Each transgression she sends my way lands like a fist to my jaw.

“It’s your birthday!” she snaps. “I always knew he was an asshole, but I was kinda hoping he’d set that aside for the woman he claims to love.”

“Yeah, well…” The steam that carries my mood escapes on a pitiful exhale. The fight I wanted to hit her with, gone. Instead, I drop my face into my hands and close my eyes against my palms so I see only darkness. “He’s just… complicated.”

“Don’t make excuses for a jerk,” she snarls. “Don’t dismiss your happiness just to save his image. No man earns that privilege, and no woman deserves to be silenced like that.”

“What do you want me to say?” I shove up tall and wait for my vision to clear. For the dots to dance away, and my eyes to bring her beautiful face back into focus. “What happened to me reminds him too much of Ainsley. My boyfriend is still in love with his other girlfriend. He’s still with her, even when he’s with me. He’s still grieving! Should I get mad and tell him that’s done now? He had his time with her, even if it was too short, so it’s time to pay attention to me?”

“Yes!” she booms. “That’s exactly what you say. Something bad happened to him, Viv. I get it. I can feel for him, and I can pat his back and hope someday he finds genuine happiness—and I can do all that while standing up for my best friend. If he’s still stuck in the past with Cootes, then that’s his journey. It’s his life, and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to change how he lives it. But the second he decided to explore something with you, that was him acknowledging—or lying—that he’s ready to move on.”

“Han—”

---