Page 102 of Jump

“Shut up.” My face drains white with surprise. “You did not!”

“Swear I did,” he grits out. “You know me, Viv. I especially hate talking to people I don’t know. But I reached out anyway and wrote up this long-ass email with all your questions. And she wrote back and said she’d be happy to chat anytime you liked.”

My stomach dips with nausea. “Stop it.”

“I was gonna tee-up that phone call for tonight,” he laments. “For your birthday. And then we were gonna go look at this land tomorrow, because I thought maybe you and I could live in the house, and Friendly Paws could be just a walk across the yard away. You want to be there with them, Ana. You don’t like the dogs being alone, so I thought if we can’t bring them here, then I could take you to them.”

“Oh my god. Matt—”

“But then I messed up. I had a million things on my mind, which led me to screwing up the work roster, which fucked up my plans for tonight, which screwed up everything and probably annoyed the author for wasting her time. All because I was thinking about—”

“Ainsley,” I insert gently. I push past authors and land and Friendly Paws, and settle instead on that one name. Not an accusation. But a confession. An acceptance. “You were thinking about her because—”

“I was thinking about you.” He cups my face and pulls me higher on my toes until my breath races out to touch his lips. “I’m the first to admit I’m not all right in the head, Viv. I’m all sorts of messed up and bitter. I’m wary of the world, and I’ll be damned if I can take another loss like the last. Then a few days ago, you were in trouble and reached out for me. But I didn’t take your calls. I ignored you.”

When I open my mouth to speak, he growls, “I swear, if you say ‘it’s okay’, I’m gonna lose my shit. You needed me, and I wasn’t there. That shook me, because I could’ve lost you.”

He holds my face, his thumbs resting on my cheeks, and comes close enough, our lips could touch if we stretched. “I lost someone in my life once, Viv. It was a big deal. It hurt me. I’m not gonna brush that aside and pretend it never happened.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“But I’ll be damned if that loss hurt even a fraction of what the thought of losing you does. You were in danger, Viv, and of all the people on the planet you could have reached out to, you called me.”

I called you tonight, too.

I want to tell him so, but I don’t say the words out loud. It doesn’t change the fact that when I need help, when I need safety, when I need anything, he’s where I go.

“I got messed up after the other day. Because I want to be enough for you. I want to be your safety. And my traumas were the reason I couldn’t be. You got hurt, and I wasn’t there to make it better.”

“I’m okay.” Tears burn the backs of my eyes, because his words are so full of pain. His heart, so broken with grief. “Everything worked out okay.”

“I had a whole thing planned for your birthday,” he repeats on a grunt. “But I screwed it up, just like I said I would. I got your gifts and planned to reveal them in an embarrassingly gooey way that we’d have both hated having an audience for.”

He grins when I choke out a soft laugh. “But after the other day,” he continues, “I decided on something else. Something a little different.”

“You don’t need to buy me things to make me happy.” I sniffle the mess from my nose. “I don’t need things.”

“I think we both need this thing.” He releases one side of my face and dips his hand into his pants pocket. Taking out his phone, he unlocks the screen, and stops, stunned for a beat as he reads my name. My missed call. My insistence on going to him when I’m scared.

His eyes flicker to mine in gratitude. In love. Devotion. Guilt. Worry. But then he looks back to his screen and jumps to his calendar and turns the whole device to show me. “It’s an odd gift,” he rumbles. “I get it. And maybe you think it’s weird and lame. But I don’t want to be just good for you, Viv. Or even great. I want to be the best. Because it’s the very least you deserve.”

Searching for understanding, I study his calendar and discover an appointment for every second Friday into forever. Four o’clock, every other week, without fail. “D-Doctor Rivera?”

“She’s a therapist who comes highly recommended,” he murmurs. “She specializes in grief management, is basically booked out for the rest of her life, and never takes new clients except by invitation. But she agreed to see me.”

Taking his phone away and dropping it in his pocket, he comes back to hold my face. “I don’t want to pause me and you while I do that. And I sure as fuck don’t want to lose you while I fix the things that broke before we even met. So my gift to us is a movie, a good meal, some really hot sex, and a man who will work to get emotionally healthy and be able to process his feelings without shutting down and telling everyone to fuck themselves.” He pauses and studies my tear-filled eyes. “What do you say?”

“I mean…” I swipe a fresh tear from beneath my cheek. “It’s no secret many men lack in both departments.”

He snickers. “That’s the word on the street. I want to exchange books and have hundred percent dates. I want to call you Ana sometimes and pretend you thrive on anarchy, when really, you and I are best when we’re wearing fuzzy socks and curled up on the couch. I want to share a bed with you every single night, not just an apartment, and I want to be the one you call when you need someone.”

“I’ll call you anyway.” I push higher on my toes and wrap my arms over his shoulders. “I would have settled for good. Great would have been fun.”

“But you deserve the best. And since it’s your birthday…” He slips his arms around my hips and rests his hands on my ass. Then tugging me closer, he grins when my breath races free and bathes his lips. “I’m off shift for the rest of today, tomorrow, and all weekend. As is the rest of my crew. We called in another squad to mop up and relieve us, and Rosa says we can stay off for a few and relax. Axel’s on his way home to Hannah, so she’s gonna be busy for the next little while.”

“So that leaves me and you,” I ponder. “An entire apartment, with nowhere to go and nothing to do.”

He presses another kiss to my lips, his tongue coming out to tease mine. “Will you spend your birthday with me, Ana?”

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