Page 58 of Falling for the Nanny

“Especially Chloe. I cared that she left Lily, not me.”

For the first time, I felt a little bit bad for David’s ex. The only thing worse than losing him would be having him, but knowing I didn’t really have him. That I could wear his ring, have his child, sleep in his bed, and still not possess his heart. It made a shiver run down my spine to think of it. What a slow and terrible way to drive someone mad.

“I know,” David said, reading my face. “I was an asshole to have married her and had a kid with her. I thought what I was offering her was enough. I can see now why it wasn’t.”

“What’s changed?” I asked, my voice a near whisper.

“I fell in love with you. I realized what was missing between me and every other woman. I never loved them. They were the convenient ones, Cat. Not you. Because I knew that no matter what happened, I couldn’t get hurt.”

Unconsciously, I had turned my palm so that I was holding David’s hand. I stared at our interlocked fingers, his words circling in my head, winding down to their bare essentials.

I fell in love with you.

The numbness that had been protecting my heart finally fell away, and a dizzying combination of hope and fear flooded in. He was in love with me. But would that be enough to overcome the rest of it? “What about the other reasons not to be together?” I asked tremulously. “Lily. Other people’s perception.”

“I don’t give a fuck about other people’s perception anymore,” David said fiercely, leaning across the table. “Now that I know how it feels to lose you, all I care about is what you think of me.”

I chewed on my lower lip, fighting the stinging behind my eyes. “There’s still Lily to think about.”

“I am thinking about her. I’m thinking that she loves you, and she might lose you, too, if I fuck this up.”

“She won’t.” I looked David in the eye, even though I was afraid he’d see the tears forming in mine. “I told you I wouldn’t abandon Lily, even if you’d meant every word you said at the bar.”

“I believe you. And it’s another reason I’m in love with you.”

He said it so simply, so matter of fact. I took a deep, shaky breath and closed my eyes, unable to take the intensity radiating out of his.

“Cat,” David said quietly. “I know I’ve said a lot of stupid shit in bars, but what I’m saying now…it’s the truth. I love you. I want you back. Do you think there’s any way–”

“Yes.”

His fingers tightened around mine. I could almost feel his gaze burning through my closed eyelids, waiting for me to go on. Taking another breath, I opened them again and looked back at him. Now I knew he could see the tears forming, but I didn’t trouble to hide them.

“Yes,” I repeated, more firmly this time. “But David–”

He was out of his seat before I could finish my sentence, yanking me out of the booth. I hadn’t even found my footing before he was kissing me. A long, hard kiss that underlined every word he had said.

I melted into it, and the relief of having his mouth on mine again was overwhelming. I hadn’t let myself really process what a cold and terrible recovery it would be, falling out of love with him, never getting to kiss him again. It felt like oxygen after holding my breath, like water after hiking in the desert.

But we couldn’t just kiss and make up.

I planted my hands against his chest and pushed him back a step. “David–we can’t just fall back into our old ways. We’ve already figured out that isn’t going to work long term.”

“I agree. Move in.” He pulled me back against him for another kiss. His words were swirling around my brain dizzyingly, making it hard to remember why we couldn’t just kiss and make up.

It came back to me in fragments.

The lying.

The sneaking around.

The hopeless feeling that wherever this was going, the destination would break my heart.

I pushed him back again. “We need rules, David.” I gestured to the notepad. “A plan. An agreement.”

David’s eyes were feverishly bright, glowing with lust and amusement and impatience. He snatched up the pad before I could get to it and tossed it out of my reach. It hit the edge of the booth and slipped off, disappearing beneath the table. Then he caught my arm before I could go after it, recognizing that I was in the grip of some sort of mania. An insane desire to put this chaotic, overwhelming love into some kind of order. You couldn’t just let something like this run wild. There had to be rules, there had to be–

“I love you, Cat,” he repeated, and this time the words penetrated deeper than they ever had. They sunk into my heart, into my bones, strengthening me. “I agree to do whatever I can to make you happy. Do you agree to do the same?”

---