Page 54 of Falling for the Nanny

“Convenient isn’t exactly the same as disposable,” Alyssa murmured, then raised her hands in surrender at my sharp look. “But it’s still extremely bad.”

Parker wrote Pride in big block letters at the top of the Cons list. “What else?”

Alyssa and I looked at each other. There had to be more, but what?

“He could serve her papers,” she suggested. “For…dereliction of duty? Or something?”

“Failing to give him two weeks’ notice before she stopped fu–” Parker cut himself off before either of us had to. “Sorry,” he said, lowering the pen to the paper again. He wrote Legal Action underneath Pride.

He gave us another minute to add anything else, then moved the pen over to the other column. “What are the potential positive outcomes?”

“She could get the last word,” Alyssa said before I had a chance to say anything. “Make him feel as lousy as he made her feel.”

Parker shot her a quick glance, as if he were as surprised as I was by the vengeful note that snuck into her voice. At the top of the list he hesitated, then wrote, Closure.

“That’s a good way to put it,” I murmured.

“What else?”

Parker looked at me expectantly, the pen poised to write the next item on the list. I couldn’t think of anything though. What good could possibly come from seeing David again, other than to close this chapter? It would rip off whatever scar tissue had formed over my heart and leave me bleeding at square one.

“There’s nothing else,” I admitted bleakly.

We all stared at the feeble list. Two items on the list of reasons not to meet David, and one item in favor.

“According to this, you shouldn’t go,” Parker said unnecessarily. He ripped the piece of paper off the pad and presented it to me like an official decree.

Alyssa was studying my face carefully. Though I was trying to appear impassive, I was sure she could see the way my throat was working and the corners of my mouth were pulling down painfully in an effort not to cry.

“Wait,” she said suddenly. “We haven’t asked the most important question yet. Do you want to go, Cat?”

“Is that the most important question?” Parker wondered as he rose from the table and put the legal pad back on the refrigerator where it had been hanging, waiting for a normal list, like groceries, to be scrawled across its yellow, blue-lined surface.

“I think so,” Alyssa said sharply, her gaze still fixed on my profile. I could feel it boring through my skin, my skull, trying to read the thoughts chasing themselves through my mixed-up brain. There were no thoughts to be read though. Only emotions.

“Yes,” I said finally. My voice cracked on the word, breaking it into two syllables.

“Then you should go.” Alyssa reached across the table and snagged the list from my limp hand. She picked up the pen Parker had left on the table and added under the Pro section: she wants to. “There, now it’s even. There’s no right or wrong thing to do, Cat, so do what you want to.”

I hesitated for a few moments, still torn between my brain and my heart. My hurt pride and the painful amount of love in my heart. Slowly, I stood up. Then I sat back down. “I don’t have a car.”

“Oh my God.” Alyssa rolled her eyes. “You can borrow mine.”

The sound of her digging through her purse for her keys nearly drowned out Parker’s cautionary, “Lys, she’s not on your insurance…”

“Here,” Alyssa said as if he hadn’t spoken. She separated her house key from the ring and tossed it to me.

I caught it and glanced at Parker in time to see him roll his eyes upward and turn away. “Walk me out?” I asked her.

“Sure.” Alyssa grabbed her house key and slipped on her sandals.

When we were safely in the elevator, and she couldn’t stomp away, I said, “Lys, first I want to thank you for being my best friend and never judging me for this situation and helping me figure out what to do.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, suspicious. “What’s second, Cat?”

“You have to break up with him. It’s not fair to either of you.”

She opened her mouth, but I hurried on before she could inevitably tell me to mind my own business or point out that I was hardly in a position to give anyone romantic advice. “You don’t love him. Not the way you’re supposed to.”

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