Page 48 of Falling for the Nanny

McMann held up his hands. “I know, and you have a great kid.”

I was ready to tell him to go the fuck away now, but I couldn’t shake off what he had said. It wasn’t that I didn’t agree that Cat was an upgrade, but I was curious what had made McMann say it after just seeing her. Looks wise, Cat and Chloe were both beautiful.

“What do you mean she looks like an upgrade from Chloe?” I asked finally, resenting every syllable, already regretting the question.

McMann jerked his shoulders and turned Cat’s wine glass around, as if he were considering sipping from the other side. I reached over and slid it away from him. There was a reason McMann was my CFO, and it was because he could pinch a penny ruthlessly–a skill that extended to his personal life. “You might punch me for saying it,” he said, flagging down the bartender and ordering his own.

“Then take it like a man.”

McMann snorted and patted the bridge of his nose. “Fine, if you really want to know.”

I ground my teeth. “I do.”

“Chloe never seemed like she cared about you.” He said it in his usual blunt style. McMann didn’t pull any punches. “Every time I saw her, she looked bored off her ass. Even that time that Kelly and I came over to meet Lily for the first time. I’ll never forget that. Beautiful house, a nursery right out of a magazine, you changing diapers and making bottles like the renaissance man you are, and she just handed Lily to Kelly and walked outside to smoke a cigarette.”

I could hardly remember those days. They were a haze of exhaustion and fear. How the fuck were we going to keep this fragile, eight-pound creature alive? What had we been thinking? Why hadn’t we hired help? I could remember a dozen other times just like that though. Chloe was always handing off her responsibilities to someone and escaping outside to smoke.

“That sounds like her,” I said finally.

“And this woman can’t keep her hands off you.” McMann paid for his beer and started to ease off the barstool. “And if you don’t mind me saying so, boss, she doesn’t seem like some woman you just met. It seems like–”

“I do mind,” I interrupted him. This was getting dangerously close to being too personal. “I appreciate your perspective–”

McMann laughed at that. “No you don’t.”

“You’re right, I fucking don’t. She’s just some woman. She doesn’t mean anything more than convenience, so don’t waste your time telling me what you think.”

My voice had risen in my irritation. I just wanted McMann to get the fuck away now. He had popped the bubble of anonymity I’d thought Cat and I were in. He’d reminded me that there was an outside world waiting for us, just a plane ride away. That right now, we were just stealing time together, a sense of normality, and we’d gotten caught red handed.

I was pissed about it. McMann raised his free hand, palm out, in a gesture of surrender. “Sorry, boss. I’ll see you back at the office.” He turned away, and I saw him startle. His back went rigid, and he took a step sideways instead of making a direct path back to where he came from. I was confused, but only for a second.

Then I saw why he had startled.

Cat was standing right there, staring at me.

And there was no way in hell she hadn’t just heard me yell at McMann that she was just some woman who didn’t mean a thing.

CHAPTER 29

CAT

I’d been right all along.

I was convenient.

Not special.

Not irresistible.

Convenient.

The description haunted me over the next few days. Its syllables drummed into my brain, loud in the fog that surrounded me. I could barely remember whirling around on my heel and disappearing into the bustling shopping center before David could catch me. The Uber ride back to the resort was a blur. The contours of the night I spent in the airport, waiting for my flight home was a little crisper, but then my memory collapsed again.

It wasn’t until I was standing in the pool house, staring through the open door into the bedroom where David and I had spent so many nights wrapped around each other that the thoughts flooded me. Not because we were falling for each other, like I thought. Not because he wanted me more than any woman he’d ever met, like he said.

Because I was convenient.

Humiliation and pain were sharp pricks through the numbness that wrapped itself around me like a thick, suffocating blanket. Before I could think twice, I was on my knees, dragging my suitcases out from under the bed. I flipped them open on the floor and emptied the drawers into them haphazardly. I stripped the hangers in the closet, picking them clean like bones, and dumped the load over the top of the two suitcases. Then I ruthlessly shoved sleeves and pants legs and bra cups down and latched them.

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