Page 29 of Falling for Mindy

From far away, I could hear my alarm beeping. I rubbed my hands over my face and sat up. I was laying across the foot of my bed, one leg tangled in the sheets, completely naked. For a moment I stared at the ceiling and felt a smile on my face. It slid into my consciousness that Mindy and I had slept together the night before. Then, like a boulder landing on my chest, it struck me what that meant. I had slept with a student. It was completely wrong. Not only could it cost me my job, it was deeply against my beliefs and everything I stood for as a women’s studies professor.

I felt awful about it. I didn’t regret being with her. I regretted that I’d made the decision to have sex with a student knowing that my moral code forbade it. The imbalance of power, the age difference, all of it was completely unethical. On paper. In reality, it had been gorgeous. Something both beautiful and richly satisfying that existed beyond any words I had to describe it. The rightness of being with her, of burying myself inside of her and meeting her eyes, kissing her mouth was the complete opposite of what the situation looked like from the outside. It wasn’t possible for me to justify what I’d done. I couldn’t take it back. And if I could—I knew that I wouldn’t. I’d hate myself for it, but I couldn’t bring myself to wish I’d never shared that with her.

I showered quickly and went to the gym. I didn’t have class until the afternoon, so I had plenty of time to worry about the implications of what I’d done while I did a punishing round of interval training. I had been jumping rope for a few minutes when Aaron approached me. I stopped and took a drink of water, struggling to swallow it.

“What’s up, man?”

I shook my head, breathless from the cardio I’d been doing.

“No way. I can tell when something’s bugging you. Spill,” Aaron insisted.

I sank onto the weight bench, head in my hands. “I slept with her,” I said in a low voice, the guilt rocketing through me. I could hardly stand the weight of it.

“Damn,” he swore, “you know what you’re risking if that gets out. This girl, she could take down your whole career.”

“It was a mistake, I know. I just—it’s something real, Aaron,” I managed. “I know it sounds stupid, okay? I know it was wrong and it can never happen again. I also know I trust her, and if I had a chance to take it back, I wouldn’t.”

“You are seriously fucked up, bro,” Aaron said, “you’re not making any sense.”

“I have feelings for her. I think there’s more to it than just attraction. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

“I wouldn’t go sharing that with anyone, Kyle. You’re in deep shit. I’m not trying to make you feel worse. You’re a good guy, and I don’t doubt that for a second. I’m just saying, you have to look out for yourself here. Don’t let it happen again.”

“I know. I know,” I rubbed my face. “Please don’t say anything to anyone.”

“Do you think I’d snitch on you? I know damn well you wouldn’t have laid a hand on that woman if she didn’t want you to. Of all the people I know, you’re the most honorable, the most respectful of women, and I don’t just mean because of your job. It’s just throwing me for a loop that you did this. Even though I trust you to do no harm, it looks bad, man. You know that, right?”

“I know it. And I don’t deserve your faith in me. I made a terrible error in judgment. It could cost me my job and it could cost Mindy her internship. One of the criteria was showing impeccable character as a student. I’d say letting your women’s studies professor fuck you six ways to Sunday doesn’t qualify as impeccable—” I broke off.

“Six ways to Sunday, huh?” he said with a mischievous raise of his eyebrow.

“Stop,” I groaned.

“How long you got left with the internship?”

“Eight weeks. Same as class.”

“Okay, listen up. If it’s real, if you have feelings for her and she feels something for you, it’ll wait eight weeks. Till she’s not your student anymore. Then you can take her out for a nice dinner and then fuck her seven or eight new ways. Hang in there. Maybe tell her it can’t happen again, not till the semester’s over, and keep your distance until then.”

“I have to meet with her in my office twice a week,” I said miserably.

“Okay, stay on your side of the desk, keep it brief, and don’t touch her. Don’t even think about it.”

“I know.”

“You’re thinking about it right now. I can practically hear it,” Aaron said.

“I’ll stay away from her. What happened was I ran into her at Cal’s and we ate together.”

“That’s funny. I ate lunch with Rick yesterday and didn’t even try to feel him up. So I don’t think you can blame the burger joint,” Aaron said.

“Very funny,” I said, “think about it. When you were head over heels for somebody, and you acted without thinking. Don’t you remember what that was like?”

“I guess so. Mary Ann Colson, senior year in high school.”

“Did you use good judgment?” I challenged.

“No, but I was eighteen, not thirty-eight, and she was in my biology class. And I wasn’t the bio teacher, by the way. I was a student like her,” he said wryly.

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