Page 96 of Unsure in Love

“What are you, my therapist?”

One corner of his lips twitched and laughter turned his amber irises brighter. “Are you finally admitting that you need one? Because I’ve been telling you that for years.”

“And I’ve been telling you that I don’t need a shrink to help me handle my own emotions—”

“Or lack thereof,” he interjected.

I gritted my teeth. “I’ve put myself out there, expressed plenty of emotions lately.”

“Sure but you’ve been… off the past few days.”

I held Ken in my signature cold stare, hoping he’d drop this because I didn’t want to talk about how worried I was that I hadn’t heard from my girlfriend. Since I told her I’d give her all the time and space she needed, I felt ridiculous about my anxiety.

“Come on, man. I know this is about Cassandra. I’m worried about you. I watched you blossom into an actual human who had a life outside work the last few weeks.”

My eyebrows almost touched my hairline. “What the hell was I before?”

“A workaholic robot with the social life of a hermit crab.”

I grunted at that because I couldn’t deny it.

“Then a woman came into your life and you changed. You even smiled a few times in the office. You took days off, went out, you were excited about becoming a dad, then you just went back to your old sourpuss ways. So, I’m sure your mood isn’t just about mourning your father.”

I stared at Ken, my scowl lessening in severity with each passing second. He mentioned once that he irritated me into talking about my emotions because he was afraid I’d turn into a bottled-up volcano, ready to explode at any moment. I couldn't deny that he had a point. I had always been known for keeping my emotions tightly locked away, but he had a way of peeling back those layers of stoicism, much to my chagrin.

He genuinely cared, and I was touched. I had two amazing friends in my life. Ken and Nic. I was lying to Nic and avoiding him, so I couldn’t push my only other friend away by being a dick. I gave in and admitted, “Okay, yeah. My spiraling mood is about Cassandra.”

Ken regarded me with furrowed eyebrows. “What happened? I thought things were good between you after your impromptu trip to Nebraska to profess your love?”

Stroking my chin, I murmured, “Things are good… I mean we decided we want the same thing. To be together. She made me feel like a million bucks when she told me she loved me. I said the words back, of course.”

Ken quirked an eyebrow. “So, what’s the problem?”

“She asked me to give her time to talk with her family, to work things out. I said I would. However, she hasn’t said a thing to me about it in two weeks, and I don’t want her to think I’m rushing her by asking. We don’t talk unless I call her. I’m wondering if she’s avoiding me. Maybe she’s changed her mind about us.” I blew out a long breath. I’d been struggling with my doubt for days. “Maybe she isn’t ready for a serious relationship with me as she said.”

Ken scoffed. “Bullshit.”

“Actions speak louder than words, Ken. Like I said, I’m the one who reaches out to her all the time. And when we talk, the conversation is painfully awkward.”

“This is the problem with long distance relationships.” Ken shook his head and sighed. “The communication is hampered. I think you two need to see each other and talk face-to-face. There’s too much room for misinterpretation during brief phone conversations.”

I shrugged. He was probably right but Cass and I had to work with the distance for now. “Sure, but what if she’s still not really ready for commitment?” Rubbing my forehead, I sighed. “I mean, I get her. I know she’s apprehensive because of her father, but I can’t keep going in circles with her forever.”

Ken’s eyebrows creased. “So what are you saying? You’re done?”

“I can’t be done. I’m fathering a child with her. Of course, I’m going to be in her life.” Raking my fingers through my hair, I sighed. “Perhaps just not the way I’d hoped. Admittedly, her lack of communication for so long has me on edge… Maybe I’m thinking crazy.”

“Maybe. But even if her not calling does mean that she’s pulling away again, you’re not one to give up easily, Alvarez. When you wanted to start this business,” he waved his hands around the room, “no one was willing to give you a chance to invest in your dream. Yet, you didn’t just quit. You came up with the damn money yourself.” He tapped his chin. “Admittedly, I thought you were borderline insane for risking your life by taking on some of the most dangerous jobs…”

“Those were the ones that paid enough to give me a start.” I shrugged.

“Like I said, insanity.”

I rolled my eyes. He was on to something, though. Not many in their right mind wanted to take the jobs I’d taken in the past.

“Rather than throw in the towel, you had the balls to dodge bullets and machete-wielding maniacs in the worst parts of the world.”

I shuddered at the memories.

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