Page 53 of Titan

Remi didn’t give me a chance to respond, not that I even knew what to say, and left me standing in front of the building with a million thoughts racing through my mind. The most prominent one being… was Remi trying to tell me Theia had romantic feelings towards me? And if so, what the fuck was I going to do about it?

Work out if you have them for her, like Remi told you to. It’s the only thing you can do at this point, Gil… you don’t have anything to lose, but if you fuck this up with Theia, you’ll regret it.

Eighteen

Theia

My heart pounded so fucking hard in my chest, I thought I was going to die any minute. My skin felt all clammy, and I no longer knew how to function properly as I leaned against the mirrored wall of the lift.

What the hell just happened?

I could have sworn Gil had flirted with me at the café, which was crazy because it was the opposite of being friends. He didn’t want more than that. He’d told me as much. So why the hell had he fed me cake, smiled at me, and actually laughed? I made Gil Villetti laugh. I had to be in an alternate timeline right now. None of this made any sense. Not the way he’d been in the café, nor the way he looked at me when he stroked my cheek outside. I couldn’t have seen affection in his eyes. And to think if Remi hadn’t interrupted us, I might have blurted out the truth of my feelings because, in the moment, I wanted us to be something we couldn’t. That was the worst part of all. I could have made an absolute fool of myself.

I buried my face in my hands and groaned out loud. No one else was in the lift to witness my breakdown, thankfully. This was a nightmare. One I didn’t know if I wanted to escape from. On the one hand, I was losing my mind over this man. On the other hand, I was revelling in his attention.

You’re so screwed up, you know that, right?

I didn’t only like Gil because he was attractive. He was blunt, yes, but he was smart, protective, understanding, and wanted to do what was best for everyone, to the detriment of himself. The last part I wanted to work on with him if I could. He didn’t need to run around trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations. He needed to be himself. He was good enough all on his own. I wished he could see it.

The lift arrived on my floor. Gathering myself, I made my way out and along the hallway to my front door. I unlocked it and stepped in. A lone letter sat on the welcome mat. I sighed, shoving the door closed before I picked it up. It didn’t contain an address, just my name. It immediately made me suspicious as I carried it through into the kitchen. I placed my handbag down on the counter and ripped open the envelope. Dread settled in my stomach when I read the note.

You’ve been such a bad girl, haven’t you?

It’s lucky for you we’ve missed our favourite fuckdoll, so we won’t punish you… much.

Be seeing you very soon, whore.

I set the page down. Then I turned away and leaned my back up against the counter, taking several deep breaths. I tried to convince myself everything was okay, but I knew it wasn’t. Nothing in my life was okay right now.

Here I was trying not to have a panic attack because the men from my past were back. And I was confused as fuck over Gil’s behaviour today. The man I shouldn’t want. The one who made me trust him without having even tried.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell him everything. Throw myself at his mercy and let someone else take care of me for once in my life. But I wouldn’t. It wasn’t in my nature. I already owed so much to one Villetti for giving me a safe haven. I couldn’t owe anything to Gil. Not with the life he was involved in.

You can still tell him about your past, though, Theia. He won’t judge you or make you feel lesser for it.

Would it make me feel better? I’d carried this burden for so long. Until I met Gil, I thought I was okay. I thought I had a handle on everything. But I didn’t. My view of myself was so fucking skewed. He never asked me to re-evaluate myself, but I had, all because he didn’t want me the way almost every other man I’d encountered since I was rescued did.

I was worth more than being an object of sexual desire. In the short time of being around this man, he’d shown me that. Hesawme. I didn’t know how much I needed to be seen by someone else. To be seen as me.

I wiped away the stray tear falling down my cheek. More slid down my face. I couldn’t prevent them. Everything was a mess, and all I wanted was comfort. For someone to listen and tell me it was okay. I wasn’t broken. What those men had done didn’t define who I was for the rest of my life.

Rationally, I knew those things. I didn’t need validation from anyone else. When you’ve lived with so much pain for so long, wasn’t it human to want to share it with someone? To know you’re not alone? All I’d done for the past four years was feel alone. I’d isolated that part of myself from everyone I knew. I didn’t want to hide it any longer. Not from him.

Wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I tugged my phone out of my pocket and sent a message.

Theia: I know I said I wasn’t ready to talk about my past, but I think I need to.

Theia: Oh, this is Theia, by the way.

I’d added his number to my contacts over the weekend after debating with myself whether I should. He’d given it to me. Told me to use it if I needed anything. Well, I needed him, so I would have to wait and see if he was okay with it.

I stuffed the offending letter in the drawer along with the others and made myself some herbal tea before taking it over to my living area. Curling up on my sofa with a blanket over me, I put on some mind-numbing TV show to distract myself from everything.

I was beginning to think I wouldn’t get a response from him when my phone buzzed. I picked it up from the coffee table and stared at the screen.

Gil: Okay. Just tell me when and where.

It was straightforward and to the point. Totally Gil. It made me smile, then I burst into tears all over again. It was stupid to feel grateful he was willing to be there for me.

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