Page 45 of Titan

“I know I shouldn’t have waited for you, Theia. It crossed a line, and I’m sorry.”

I stepped closer to him.

“No, no, it’s okay. I understand why.”

He reached into his pocket and tugged out a small scrap of paper.

“Take this.”

I put my hand out, and he placed it in my palm before enclosing my fist around it. The touch of his skin had me swallowing. He stepped back, dropping his hands to his sides.

“If you need anything, use it.”

He smiled, looked at Gael for a moment then inclined his head at me. I dropped my hand to the side, turned and walked over to where Gael was standing.

“Let’s go in.”

Gael eyed Gil for a long moment before he turned and used his key fob to unlock the door. We went inside the building together. I glanced back to find Gil watching us as if he was making sure I was safely inside.

“Is that who I think it is, Theia?” Gael asked when we reached the lifts and I hit the button.

“The big boss’s brother, yes.”

“Do I even want to know what you’re doing with him?”

I sighed as the lift arrived. We walked in. Gael pressed the button for our floor.

“He’s kind of a client, but not really, since he only wants someone to talk to. And no, I can’t tell you more than that. I realise it looks really fucked up to you, but I promise, Gil is safe.”

He gave me a look that spoke volumes. Gael didn’t think I was being smart. I agreed with him on that front, but it didn’t mean I trusted Gil any less. He wouldn’t harm me.

“Theia…”

“I know, I know, I get it. Please don’t look at me like that.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

As if I ever knew what I was doing in life but being around Gil felt right. I didn’t want to sever the budding connection between us.

When Gael left me at my door as his flat was further along from mine, he hugged me and told me he’d see me tomorrow for the foursome scene. I hadn’t forgotten about it, but my attention had been consumed by Gil for the entire evening.

I looked at the scrap of paper in my hand. He’d given me his number. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I put it in my pocket to deal with later. Gil had thrown me for a loop enough this evening. I didn’t have the energy to unpack him being outside the club, nor him giving me his phone number and telling me to use it if I needed anything.

I unlocked my door and noticed the postman had been. I picked up the single letter and shut the door behind me. My fingers shook as I recognised the handwriting. Tearing it open, I read the note and swallowed.

We hear you’ve been fucked by three men at once. You’re really pushing the boat out there, but we always knew what type of girl you are. A whore.

The fact they knew about the scene I’d done months ago made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t understand how. There were only a few people who were aware. I didn’t think any of them would have said a word about it. It meant there was a leak somewhere, but it’s not like I could accuse anyone outright when I had no clue who it would be or why.

Instead of getting worked up about it, I took the letter into my kitchen and stuffed it in a drawer I rarely opened with the other one. I’d brought the charm home and put it in there too. That way, all of this shit was in one place.

Fuck knows what I would do. It’s not like they’d tried to do anything else to me other than scare me with these letters. And I certainly wasn’t going to ask for help when it came to this, either. I hadn’t told anyone what happened to me. They didn’t understand the hell I’d been through. I might have been rescued by an unknown benefactor and given somewhere to stay to rebuild myself, but it didn’t mean I trusted anyone.

You trust Gil.

That might be true, but this was my deepest, darkest fucking secret. I wasn’t yet ready to open up that part of myself to him. Talking about my trauma didn’t come easy to me, no matter how much I’d healed from it. It didn’t matter if I had a safe space at Desecration to explore those things that hurt me the most. People didn’t openly discuss those things. After sexual trauma, you could become hypersexual. It was a normal response to what had happened to me. And the more I thought about it within the context of Gil and me, the more I realised my hypersexuality was something I needed to deal with.

I was not an object. I was a person. And it was about time I started treating myself like one.

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