Page 56 of Titan

“I wanted to start doing voyeurism scenes with a partner, but I hadn’t been with anyone intimately since… well, you know.” I waved a hand. “One of my friends at the club offered to help me. He doesn’t know about my past, just that it was bad.” My cheeks grew hot. “Actually, it’s the one you sort of met. I felt safe with him, but it wasn’t a passionate thing, it was more of a ‘help me get over this fear of being touched even though I really want to be touched’ thing because, you know, hypersexuality mixed with trauma.”

Gil cocked his head to the side as if he was evaluating my words and making a mental calculation about them in his head.

“There are only three guys at the club I do scenes with and it’s maybe like once or twice a month. We’re all just friends, and we take boundaries very seriously. Everyone at the club does.”

I don’t know why I felt the need to tell him. It wasn’t like we were anything other than friends, so it shouldn’t matter what I did at the club with other people. It shouldn’t make a difference, but to me, it did matter that he knew. I could tell myself a million times over we were friends, but it didn’t stop me from wishing there could be more between us.

“Would you want an experience that’s all about you?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“That’s not an answer.”

I fiddled with the bottom of my t-shirt.

“Of course I would, but I’d have to feel safe with them, and they’d have to be okay with giving me the things I want.”

“What would those be?”

Now I was questioning why the hell he was asking me these things. Gil had been very insistent about wanting to know me. I could put it down to that, but there was something else to all of this I couldn’t put my finger on.

“Well, you already know I like being watched. I’d like it if they told me exactly what to do, and praised me for it when I pleased them, but at the same time, I want to be…”

I swallowed. The only person who knew about my kinks was Gael, and he’d given me shit for this one because I wouldn’t admit it. Gil hadn’t judged me so far, but I couldn’t help being apprehensive all the same.

“Be what?”

“Degraded,” I whispered. “Just not the word ‘whore.’ It reminds me of… them.”

Gil’s expression didn’t change as I admitted these things to him. I wasn’t sure what he made of my desires. Honestly, this whole conversation was making me have seriously inappropriate thoughts about him. Ones I’d banned myself from having. How on earth could I help it when he was asking me questions about my sexual preferences?

I want to sink down on the rug between his knees and rub my face all over his thigh. I want him to watch me touch him. And I need him not to have any emotion on his face as I make him come.

“Thank you for telling me.”

My mouth opened and closed. My thoughts were giving me way too many feelings and him only saying “thank you” to my confession like it was an everyday conversation we’d been having was the icing on the cake. Not wanting him to see the emotions I was sure were written all over my face, I jumped up and grabbed my empty glass before making my way over to the kitchen. I fanned my face as I stood with my back to him. I set about mixing myself another drink, taking a large gulp when I was done.

“Theia.”

I whipped around to find him standing right behind me. My back knocked into the counter as I tried to contain my surprise. How the hell had he snuck up on me?

“Yes?”

“Did I upset you by asking you all those things?”

“No. Not at all. Just not used to anyone taking an interest in my… preferences.”

No way in hell I was upset with anything he’d said to me. More like confused and aroused at the same time. Both were very disconcerting when he was standing so close to me. I could practically feel his body heat radiating off him.

What did I do to deserve this torture? I want to be near him, but it’s fucking painful at the same time.

“I want to know everything about you.”

“Everything?”

“Yes.”

I shouldn’t be surprised with all the questions he’d asked me, but I was.

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