Page 38 of Titan

“Mmm.”

Gil didn’t open his eyes, but he got more comfortable and rested his head back against the wall.

“Tell me about it.”

There were certain details I couldn’t reveal to maintain client confidentiality, but I didn’t think Gil would talk about what I told him to anyone else. He wanted to know me. My job was a big part of my world.

“It’ll happen in room ten as it is purpose-built for voyeurism. It’s been split into two with a two-way mirror in between. The client can see in, but the performers can’t see them. The client room is stocked with a multitude of toys and anything else they could need. They can ask to see pretty much anything they like.”

The whole time I was explaining, I kept stroking his palm. Gil seemed to relax further under my touch, his body practically melting into the sofa. It made me happy. It was difficult to see him distressed when I had no idea how to help him.

“There are different forms of voyeurism. Some people like to be in the room with you and some prefer the anonymity.”

“Which one do you prefer?”

His question made me pause in my stroking. He cracked an eye open.

“Don’t stop,” he murmured.

“You like that?”

He nodded and closed his eyes again. I resumed stroking his palm and took a moment to recognise the significance of this moment. This man who didn’t like people up in his personal space was allowing me to soothe him. Me. A girl he didn’t know that well.

Fuck… I was blurring so many lines here and I couldn’t bring myself to care. He didn’t feel like a client to me. He never had. He knew me as Theia, not Pisces. It was always destined to be different because of that simple fact.

“Did you mean what do I prefer when people watch me?”

“Yes.”

I bit my lip.

“If it’s a solo scene, I prefer them to be in the room. I like seeing their eyes on me. It makes me feel good. But in group situations, I prefer the voyeur room.”

“Why is that?”

If I told him the truth, it might lead to more questions. Ones I didn’t know if I could answer truthfully. And yet I also didn’t want to keep things from him. I found myself wanting to trust Gil. He made me feel… safe. It was crazy since we were still getting to know each other, but the fact his interest lay with my mind and not what my body could offer made me feel secure.

“The only people I feel comfortable being intimate with are a few of my work colleagues. I can pretend no one else is there if the clients aren’t in the room.”

“Is that why you have the no-contact rule? You don’t feel comfortable with random people touching you.”

“One of the reasons.”

“I can understand that. I feel the same way.”

“You’re letting me touch you.”

He rubbed his face on his shoulder but didn’t open his eyes.

“You’re not a random person, Theia. Not to me.”

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest at his words. For Gil, it was a huge admission. I was someone to him.

His tortured soul was beautiful to me. He made me feel things I thought I was incapable of. I wanted to be there for him, and not as someone he was paying, but as me, Theia Nowak. I wanted to be in his life. I was so hopelessly gone for Gil Villetti, it was ridiculous. What the fuck was happening to me? I didn’t want anyone. And Iwantedhim so badly, it fucking hurt.

This whole thing was alien to me. Being around a man I had feelings for who couldn’t feel that way about me. The only thing I could be was his friend. It had to be enough. I didn’t resent Gil for the way he was. I merely wished things were different… or did I? Maybe it was a good thing, him not feeling attracted to me. It made me realise I wasn’t as okay as I thought after everything that had happened to me. I’d spent so long healing from all the trauma and pain, but I continued to assume men wanted one thing from me.

My body.

---