Page 27 of Titan

I dipped my chin as if to say “yes.”

“You said you respect what I do… did you mean that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“A lot of people look down on sex workers. And it makes it impossible to have relationships, not that I even want one, but they get all hung up on the ‘sex with other people’ business, you know.”

People and their judgemental attitudes were something I knew all too well. My father judged everyone and deemed most people unworthy of his attention. Zayn told me howPapáfelt about Ari. I didn’t understand it myself. Her upbringing didn’t make her any less “worthy” of Zayn. She clearly loved my brother without reservation. If she was who he wanted to be with, who was anyone else to tell him otherwise?

“It’s your job and your choice. It’s not the same, anyway, is it? Like sex at work and sex with a partner.”

“It’s not. At least, no one I’ve had that conversation with says it’s the same. I wouldn’t know, though. Every time I tried to have a relationship, it failed. I decided I was happier alone.”

She moved away from me, walking towards the sofa, and taking a seat.

“One guy I work with has a girlfriend. They have very strict boundaries and open communication. I wish more people were that understanding.”

I made my way over to the sofa and sat down on the other end. She pulled her dress down her legs as if self-conscious about how short it was. It didn’t make a difference to me what she wore. It was her mind that had my attention.

“You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but have you ever… you know?”

Her cheeks went a faint pink at her question.

“Yes.”

“Was it with someone you actually felt attracted to?”

I shook my head. I’d never slept with anyone I felt attracted to, having only ever experienced sexual attraction once with someone I had a bond with when I was a teen. However, I’d never told her how I felt, as I was afraid of ruining our friendship. Didn’t matter, anyway. She met someone and it put an end to anything else.

“Attraction, desire, and arousal are separate things, so it’s not as if I can’t have sex with someone I’m not attracted to… I don’t want to. Not any more.”

Theia cocked her head to the side.

“Any more?”

I looked at the floor.

“It was easier to convince my father I was normal if I…”

I didn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t have to because she looked horrified at the suggestion I engaged in sexual activities to prove to my father I was the man he wanted me to be. He was gone. I didn’t have to force myself into situations I didn’t want to be in. At least not that way. The mafia life wasn’t something I could escape from.

“I’m not going to lie. The more I hear about your dad, the more I think he was a shit parent and a bit of a dick.”

Rationally, I knew Gennaro hadn’t been a good father to me, Zayn, or Enzo, but he was the only one I’d ever known. The only person I’d ever tried to please. And now I was repeating the same fucking cycle with my older brother, trying to please him too. It was why I was even here in the first place, talking to Theia and wanting to know her. I wanted to escape my life and all its expectations… especially the ones I’d placed upon myself.

“We don’t have to talk about him, you know. Not if you don’t want to. I’m guessing he’s a difficult subject for you,” she said when I didn’t respond to her statement.

I put my hand to my jaw, running my fingers it before I let out a long breath.

“He is.”

My eyes were drawn to my watch. Our time together had gone on longer than I realised.

“Do you need to go?”

I looked over at Theia, who was staring at my watch.

“I think so.”

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