Page 26 of What Did Your Last Maid Die Of?

“I mean, my little finger is like two inches,” Chelsea said, wiggling it.

“Oh, please do not give me that visual,” I said.

“What visual?” Finn said as he walked into the kitchen.

“We were just talking about two inches versus twelve,” Harriet said, while giggling and I gave her my death stare.

“Do I even want to know what this conversation is about?” Finn asked, and I shook my head.

“Nope. I was just telling them I’m going to join a dating service.”

“Oh, okay,” he nodded, “sounds good.”

“For a moment there I thought you were going to ask me what Travis looked like.”

“What does Travis look like?” Harriet asked him.

“He is a very attractive man.” Finn nodded.

“I’m a professional,” I said, staring at him. “I’m not interested in being with your friend Travis. He’s doing me a favor by letting me work for him. I’m not going to hook up with him.”

“Good, good.” Finn nodded again. “Travis is a no-nonsense man, so I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“See,” I stared at Harriet and at Chelsea, “I told you I wasn’t going to get down and do hanky-panky with my new boss.”

“Okay,” Chelsea said. “Boring.”

“Whatever, Slutty.” I pointed at her.

“How can I be a slut if I hadn’t had sex in my life?” she said, rolling her eyes.

“You can still be a slut. You can just be a slut that hasn’t gotten any.”

“Whatever, Miss Boring.” Chelsea stuck her tonight out at me.

“Whatever, Miss Wanna-Be Slutty.” I retorted back.

“Oh my gosh, really, girls?” Harriet said, shaking her head. “You see what I have to deal with?” She looked over at Finn, who was laughing. “My sisters are crazy.”

“You’re kind of crazy, too,” he said and I laughed as he realized he’d crossed the line.

“What did you just say?” Harriet put her hands on her hips and glared at him. I hoped she would yell at him. I needed to see some drama in their relationship.

“Um, nothing. I was just coming to tell you that the steaks were on the grill and I wanted to know if you guys want rare, medium-rare, medium, medium-well or well?”

“Uh-huh,” Harriet said, laughing. “Sure. That’s why you came in here.”

“Yeah, it is,” he said. “Now how would you like your steaks?”

“I’d like medium-rare, please.” She said, while running her fingers up and down her arm.

“Me, too,” Chelsea said.

“I’ll take the same, please,” I added.

“Okay.” He nodded. “You guys want to bring the salad out, and maybe some waters?”

“Sounds good,” Harriet said and then looked toward me. “Now, girls, let’s be serious. If Polly wants to join a dating app, then let her join a dating app. Maybe there’s going to be a really great guy out there for you. Maybe this is going to be the summer of your life. You’re going to meet the man of your dreams, and you’re going to have the job of your dreams, and then you’re going to apply to law school, and you’re going to get into Harvard, and then when you graduate from Harvard you’re going to get a job at a top law firm, and then you’re going to clerk for a Supreme Court justice and maybe you’ll even become an Appellate Court justice and…”

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