Page 70 of Play Your Part

“Oh. Right.”

“My mom is visiting though, because we have a couple of days off and a home game stretch. She’d love to meet you, I’m sure.”

I tried to ignore the little flutter those words gave me; the line between real and fake was becoming harder to discern. There had been real moments between us, like the one in the car ride over here, but too much had been scripted for me to always tell the difference. Like now—did Alexei want to come to my family’s house for Thanksgiving and introduce me to his mom? Or was he only playing along?

“And your dad?” I prompted.

“He’s staying in Russia,” he replied. “My parents are separated. They have a complicated history.”

From the set of his jaw, I should have backed off, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know more about him. “What does that mean?”

His gaze focused on a spot over my head. “My dad has taken my mom for granted his entire life. His dreams were always more important than her. He’s managed to always be there for me. I’ve had to set their relationship apart from my own with him, otherwise we wouldn’t have one.” Alexei swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. “The thing I hate most is that I’ve turned into him. In every relationship I’ve ever had, I’ve been told I made them feel second place in my life, second to my career. I want… a family, someone I can come home to. An us-against-the-world type of love. But I don’t think I’m cut out for it.”

The heavy confession hung between us as we continued to sway slowly to an upbeat song. Sharing this with me at this crowded party was suboptimal, but maybe that was why he did it. He had to hold it together here, and if the conversation veered in a direction he didn’t want to go, he had an easy out. There were hundreds of people he could escape to talk to instead.

“You haven’t been that way with me.”

“This doesn’t count, and you know it.” An edge crept into his voice, almost as if he resented my words.

I swallowed, knowing my next words would offer more than I wanted. “It meant something to me,” I admitted. “I think it’s been fairly obvious I’ve had a rough go of it. You’ve made it easier.”

Easier and harder, but I couldn’t admitthatmuch.

This gave Alexei the opening to ask what we’d avoided addressing the last two weeks. “You bolted out of my house like it was on fire,” he said, studying my expression. I offered him a small nod. “Care to explain?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

I expected him to grin haughtily and make a joke about his sexual capabilities, but he remained quiet, staring intently at me.

“I don’t have much experience with this whole casual thing. So I—”

“Panicked?” He scoffed. “Yeah, I got that.”

“I hope I didn’t bruise your male ego too hard.”

“Not at all. Or did you forget how you moaned my name earlier in the night?”

I threw up my hands. “And there it is,” I said, trying to step away from him, but his strong grip on my hips kept me in place. Every time I thought a moment between us was real, Alexei, or the universe, reminded me it wasn’t.

“Hold on,” Alexei said. He threaded one hand through mine. We danced in an old-timey position, our entwined hands held away from our bodies. “It was a stupid joke. I’m also new to this.”

It was my turn to scoff. “Oh please. To casual hookups?”

“With a woman I’m pretending to date. Yeah.” Alexei took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I would never have… gonetherewith you if I thought it would screw this up.” He tucked strands of hair behind one of my ears. “You’re different than I thought you’d be,” he said, repeating my words from the Halloween party.

“For the record, you didn’t screw anything up. I got into my own head.”

One side of Alexei’s lips turned up into a small smile. “I’m familiar with that problem.” He opened his mouth once then closed it, warring with himself over his next words. I offered him a smile, feeling for the first time that maybe,just maybe, we battled the same feelings. “Do you want to get out of here? I’ve been waiting to watch the end ofThe Nightstanduntil I was with you.”

“After this song,” I said, leaning forward until my face rested on his shoulder.

29

ALEXEI

Kennedydrummedherfingersagainst the steering wheel as we sat at a red light before turning into our neighborhood. We’d spent most of the drive in comfortable silence with music playing in the background. She caught me looking at her once and held my stare, offering me a small smile. But with the proximity of my house, her relaxed state changed.

“You don’t have to be nervous,” I told her.

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