Page 67 of Play Your Part

“I told you, I’m not talking to him.”

“Then why is he calling you?”

“I don’t know.” I threw my hands in the air. “Look, I haven’t talked to him since the day we broke up. He texted me once—So that’s how you want to play it.I never responded. Not that this is any of your business.”

Alexei’s frantic breath filled the car. On instinct, I reached over to take his hand. He flinched before relaxing into my touch. We remained like that, silent, until his heaving chest calmed to its normal rhythm.

Gently, I asked, “Are you going to tell me why you hate him? The real reason.”

He shifted in his seat. “Justin and I played juniors together, did he tell you that?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Though part of me knew he hadn’t. Justin and I didn’t have that kind of relationship, though somehow I managed to convince myself we did.

“Justin was seventeen and captain of the team,” Alexei said, his eyes still closed. “I was fifteen, here alone and could barely understand anyone. Even though I was one of the youngest players, Ward felt threatened by me. He was better than me, I’m not too proud to admit that, but my ceiling was higher than his. He must have realized it, otherwise he wouldn’t have iced me out. The rest of the team followed his lead, by the way. And then one night, I saw him on the ice with his father. You know his story, right?”

He cracked open one eye, turning his head toward me. I nodded, though I didn’t know much. Only that Justin obsessively took care of his body, afraid he might suffer the same career-ending injuries his father did.

“His dad abused him, physically and verbally. Justin had been a dick to me since I joined the team, but I felt for him at that moment. Not that it excuses it…”

Abused.It made so much sense, explained so much about Justin.

“I told him what I saw, Kennedy, but Ward shut it down. I think he couldn’t stand that I had seen him weak. That’s when he came after me, for learning his secret. He tampered with my equipment. Played dirty during practice. Said shit to my teammates that I didn’t understand, but I knew couldn’t be good because they would laugh, openly, in front of me.”

My stomach clenched, thinking of Alexei in a new country, all alone and suffering. He tried to do the right thing—he tried to help—and Justin’s cruelty had been his reward. I knew what that was like too well. Because for all Justin did for me and as much as I loved him, he’d turned on me too, plenty of times. Even when my intentions were good. Even when I didn’t do anything wrong.

“What was I supposed to do?” Alexei continued, the words coming easier now. “I needed to get drafted. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a problem or I couldn’t hack it. The odds were already impossible, so I stayed out of his way. Kept my head down. Never said anything to anyone. Until you.”

It felt like that night we talked on the phone while he was on the road. As if we could say anything to each other in this bubble, without fear of judgment.

“Ward was gone after one season, drafted into the NHL in the first round like he wanted. When we next faced each other, he still targeted me. It spiraled from there, because I was no longer a gangly fifteen-year-old kid he could push around. I came at him just as hard. He’s still the only player I’ve ever wanted to hurt.”

His anxiety over the upcoming game finally made sense. Sure, Alexei wanted to win and to show Justin up after all his shit talk. But the real source had been the battle he knew he would have on his hands, thanks to their past, but also because he’d poked a wasp’s nest.

I squeezed his hand. “Why did you want to do this if you knew it would make things worse?”

He spun his head toward me, his eyes now open. “I’m not going to let him take anything from me.”

I nodded my understanding; those words weren’t only his explanation but a call for me to not let him do the same. How he had known I needed to explain, I didn’t know, but I didn’t dwell on it. I opened my mouth to finally say what I’d kept inside since the breakup.

“I let him take too much,” I admitted. “Or rather, I gave in too much. To his rules and routines. But I knew how to navigate it, even if I didn’t like it. I don’t know, it probably sounds weird to you, ceding control like that.”

“Your life felt out of control after your mom died. He imposed structure. I understand why you wanted that.”

The rain continued to patter on the windows, a calming presence. I didn’t know how much time had passed since I called for help, but I found myself wishing for them to never show up. To allow Alexei and I to exist like this a little longer.

“Getting this distance and… meeting you, I realized I made the easy choice by staying with him. There were a lot of problematic parts of our relationship I ignored. I think I knew it, but I kept shoving it away.”

“You wanted it to work, so you made it work.”

“Exactly.”

Alexei turned away again, this time dropping my hand. “Gemma wanted to set us up. Did she tell you that?”

The abrupt change in subject hit me like whiplash. “What?”

Gemma hadn’t said anything to me, unsurprisingly since she knew my stance on Alexei Volkov and that I’d hoped to soon move in with my boyfriend.

He let out a small, short laugh. “She thought we’d have something in common.”

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