“Well, you have me to watch over you at work.”
“You outdid yourself.”
“I bet the kids love it.”
“Of course they do.” She sighed. “And they move it from room to room. I never know where you’re going to pop up.”
My unexpected presence seemed to be as problematic as these stupid feelings I couldn’t ditch. They flared at unpredictable times… like now, when I could hear the smile in her voice because of me. Because of something I did or said. I wanted to believe she felt at least a shred of what I was feeling, but I remembered her words after she agreed to fake-date me,Don’t forget I’m pretending.
“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?”
I became aware that I’d been silent far longer than I realized, stuck in my head with my slowing senses.
“I know it’s late—”
I muscled myself to a sitting position. “No, I like that you called. I’m in a weird headspace.”
“Because of hockey?” she asked earnestly, drawing a genuine laugh from me.
“You know I care about things other than the hockey, right?”
Hockey had forced us together, but it also kept us at a distance. Kennedy’s father owned my team. Her connection to Ward. Her retreat from the sport she’d enjoyed with her mother.
Hockey held an important place in my life, but it wasn’t all I was. I wanted her to know that.
“I was supposed to get married today,” I said finally. “We have the day off tomorrow. We’re in her hometown, the place we met. My teammates would all be here. She always wanted a fall wedding in Central Park with colorful leaves as a backdrop to her photos. It worked out perfectly. Except that she didn’t want to marry me.”
Cora, I realized, hadn’t known me well enough to make that decision. If she had, she would have known I would never want to get married during the season. That I wouldn’t want a massive wedding. Something intimate would have been my speed, something less performative.
But Cora never lovedme,only what my star power brought to her life.
I had been through a series of short breakups before I met her. She could be pushy when it came to what she wanted. But shestayed. She had no problems with the demands of my job. It was easy to look beyond anything bothering me.
“I… I had no idea,” Kennedy sputtered. “You never… um, told me why you broke up.”
She knew, but still she asked, giving me the space to open up to her if I wanted. I sighed, long and deep. “My contract getting dropped put her in an awkward spot with our friends. The press coverage was ugly, and I wasn’t easy to be around. Plus, Cora wanted astar. I wasn’t one anymore. Seems fucking fitting that she hooked up with the team’s current captain.”
I wanted to vomit thinking about the three years I wasted with her. I could have used it to build my game; maybe if I had, I would have Graham’s contract today.
“Graham Sutter?”
“Please don’t twist the knife and tell me you have a thing for that guy.”
The statement revealed more of how I felt than I wanted her to know. I hoped she wouldn’t look too closely. Picking up the phone inebriated meant a risk of saying something I shouldn’t. And I couldn’t find one part of me that gave a single shit.
This thing with Kennedy didn’t need to mean something greater. We could help each other bounce back from our shitty relationships. Fighting my feelings for her took too much energy. Once I gave in, the novelty would wear off. We could have a friendship, we could hook up, and in two months, we would separate like the mature adults we sometimes were.
“The guy does have great hands, but no, I wouldn’t want him for anything other than my fantasy hockey team.”
“You have a fantasy hockey team?”
“I used to,” she said. “But don’t think you can change the subject. How do you know they’re dating?”
“Oh, they aren’t just dating.” I let out a short laugh. “Cora showed me her engagement ring tonight.”
She gasped. “You saw her?”
I blew out a breath. “Oh, yeah. We were out celebrating, and she came up to me with Graham to announce it.”