Page 36 of Deserving Maddie

A soft chuckle escaped her lips. If any other man had said the same to her, she would think they were conceited and walked back out the door. But coming from Ray, it was different. He understood her as no one else did. Well, except Kat.

All afternoon she had asked herself if she could do this. Could she really open up to Ray? Even as she pulled into his driveway, she had still been unsure. Now the decision was clear. Ray deserved the truth, and she wanted to open up to someone.

"Can we sit down?" she asked.

"Of course. Do you want a drink or anything before we get comfortable?"

Yeah, she wanted a huge glass of wine to combat the nerves. She thought better of it, though. Wine made her flirtatious, and she needed a clear head if she was going to spill her guts.

"Just a water, please."

Maddie took a seat on the couch and grabbed a pillow. It was decorative but simple. Not the kind she would expect to find in a bachelor pad, but also not something that a woman would pick out. It was the perfect happy middle. It screamed Ray.

She was still holding the pillow tight to her chest when Ray came back a few minutes later with a bottle of water and set it on the table next to her.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I know your message said you were ready, but don't feel like it's an obligation."

This was her chance. The out she'd been looking for all day. She could tell Kat she tried, but in the end, chickened out. But that option didn't sound as appealing as it had just hours before.

"No, I want to. Kat's the only one who knows everything and she made a good point. It's only fair I explain why I've pulled back from you."

Ray stopped her with a wave of his hand. "You don't ever owe anyone an explanation for a decision you make. You could choose right now to leave without telling me a single thing, and I would still respect the choice you made."

The man couldn't be more attractive if he tried.

"You really are perfect, you know that?"

"You would be the first person to think that," Ray replied quickly.

How could that be? There had to be women lining up to try and change his mind about the sex-only stance he had on life.

"As someone who lived with a narcissist, believe me, you're pretty close to perfect."

Ray didn't look like he believed her, and she had a feeling she understood why. He had admitted he was a technical analyst, so finding out information about a person was probably something he did every day. She knew exactly what he would find if he looked into her and Anthony.

"You researched me," Maddie said.

It wasn't a question. If his boss knew where to find her, then it was likely Ray knew her history.

"I did," he finally admitted. "I said I wasn't going to. I wanted to do things the right way and learn things about you from, well,you, but then you brushed me off and my curiosity won out. I would say sorry, but I’d be lying."

She chuckled. "At least you're honest."

"That is one thing you will never have to worry about with me. I'm honest to a fault."

Now that would be a breath of fresh air. Anthony didn't know what it meant to be truthful. The problem was, his reality was so distorted, he believed all his lies were actually true.

"So, what did you learn from all the research you did on me?"

Ray had the decency to look embarrassed.

"This is going to paint me in a very unflattering light, but I said I would be honest. The more I looked up, the worse I felt. Your life was perfect. Anthony was perfect. It made me think I couldn't compare, and maybe you were right to end things."

That was far from true, but she could see why Ray would think that. Maddie knew every article that was published. They made her sick; the lies the world wanted her to back up.

"Boy, Kat was right. She convinced me to come here tonight and set things straight. Now I see how right she really was." She let out a slow breath. "Anthony wasn't perfect. Our marriage was so far from perfect … It was so bad that a few months before Anthony died, I looked into getting a divorce. The only thing that stopped me was my son, knowing how devastated he would be kept me from finally leaving."

"The narcissist you mentioned was your husband."

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