Page 64 of Deserving Maddie

"Yeah, but, baby, I wouldn't have done it if I knew it was going to make you cry."

Stupid emotions. She never used to cry so much or get this emotional.

"These are happy tears. Anthony would never make dinner even if I was stuck late at work. He would complain that my job was taking away from our family time and make me feel guilty for being a working mother."

Maddie could see the sudden tightness in Ray's jaw. "I think we've established your husband was an asshole. But the more you tell me about him, the more I wish I had the chance to meet him. Just so I could tell him what an idiot he was for hurting you."

It was a good thing she heard her children coming back down the stairs because she wasn't sure there were any right words to express how grateful she was for what Ray just said.

Conversation throughout dinner flowed easily as if Ray was always a part of their family. For the first time in months, Gabe talked about his day. Charley chatted on about the new book she was reading, and it surprised her when Ray joined the discussion. Apparently, he was also an avid reader and had a love for fantasy stories. She knew without a doubt he and Charley would have a lot to talk about.

"Hey, Mom." Gabe's expression turned serious, and he looked nervous, which put her on edge.

"Yes, honey?"

"Do you think after dinner we could talk for a few minutes?"

It was the first time in a very long time that her son expressed any interest in speaking with her about anything, let alone actually initiated the conversation. She tried hard not to let the tears pooling in her eyes slip free. It would seem all she was doing tonight was tearing up.

"Absolutely."

She looked at Ray. She knew everything would be better when he gave her a reassuring smile. Whatever it was Gabe wanted to speak to her about, she had a feeling it was because of the conversation the two of them had that morning. She had tried to give them privacy, but her curiosity had won out, and she had listened through the door to certain parts. She hadn't heard much, but what caught her attention the most was the lack of hostility and yelling. That said more to her than anything else.

Ray offered to clean up after dinner. She made a note to tell him just how thankful she was. It was the small things that mattered the most and showed his true nature.

Maddie followed Gabe into the rec room. One reason she bought the house was because above the garage it had a space large enough for a mini movie area, video games, and could hold most of Charley's books.

"Mom, I already saw the tears in your eyes when I mentioned I wanted to talk. I'm sorry I've been such a butthead lately. That was never my intention."

"Oh, honey. You don't need to apologize. I know things were rough after your father died. The two of you were very close."

It always bothered her how much she hated their bond. A mother should want her son and the father of her children to be close, but for some reason it worried her. A part of her always knew Anthony would, in some way, hurt his children emotionally.

"That's the thing, though. We weren't close." Her son's voice was laced with disdain. "Before Dad's death, I hated him."

She tried to cover the gasp with her hands. "Don't say that."

"It's true, Mom. I saw the way he treated you and I hated him for it. I hated that, for years, I watched you slowly lose yourself, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I hated that he was the reason, and I hated even more that you stayed with him. But what I hated the most is that he died before I could tell him how much I hated him."

"Hate is such a strong word. Please don't say that. Despite his flaws, he was your father."

"It doesn't change how I felt. He ruined you and it wasn't fair."

All those times she thought she was protecting her child, and in reality, he knew everything that was going on. She didn't know if she was relieved or horrified that he was aware of her slow decline over the years.

"Is that why you've been so angry with me?"

"I was never angry with you. Actually, that's not true. I was angry with you for moving us here, but only because it took me away from my friends. I knew it was the right decision for our family, and that was hard for me to admit. But I was angry because I didn't get the chance to tell Dad how I really felt before he died, and now I never will."

Maddie thought for sure she knew how Gabe and Charley felt, but it was clear she was wrong. It made her wonder what else she was wrong about.

"I'm so sorry you had to witness that. I tried so hard to protect you and your sister. I guess I didn't do as good of a job as I thought I did."

"No, you did," Gabe reassured her. "Dad was just better at showing his true colors. I knew you covered for him every time he missed something. I knew he preferred to spend time doing what he wanted than actually seeing me or Charley. That's why I gave up sports when we came to Texas. I knew if I quit when he was alive, I would never have heard the end of it."

Maddie felt like she'd failed on so many levels.

There was one other thing she needed to ask him about. After hearing what he just told her, never again would she assume she knew what was best for her children. Their opinion mattered.

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