Page 27 of Curves and Cradles

Dani puts her hand on mine. “You love him.” It’s not a question.

Do I? I like him a whole lot—I know that much. I think about him all the time, and he makes me feel desired and special and wanted—and not only in a sexual way. He makes me laugh and doesn’t think I’m weird. He likes Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, too. And watching him with Stella is like mommy catnip. Oh, God, I do. I totally love him. How have I let this happen?

“Maybe. But it doesn’t much matter now. I pushed him away, told him I didn’t want him, and now he’s gone.”

“It’s not unreasonable, I mean why you told him no. It makes sense to only want to marry someone when you know for sure that he loves you.”

I’m nodding with her, but then she holds a hand up.

“But… it is ridiculously unreasonable for you to assume that he won’t ever love you because Stella came first. People all over the world get married because their parents arranged it, and they fall in love all the time.”

“That’s different,” I say.

“All you’ve done is decide you’re not good enough for him and therefor you’ve refused him a chance to love you.”

“He makes me greedy,” I whisper. “He makes me want it all. I want him to adore me.” I tap my chest. “Me, the woman, not the mother of his child. I don’t know how to ignore that.”

“You don’t have to. But don’t sell yourself short, either. You can’t make decisions based on your insecurities. Something made him come back here to find you, and it wasn’t your daughter. Since then, he’s offered to help financially, but he didn’t have to propose.”

“That night we were together, it was different. All the other times, it was raw and fierce, but this was tender.” I roll my eyes. “I hate the phrase, but we made love. We didn’t just screw.”

“You need to talk to him. Give him a chance. Maybe don’t get engaged, but at least date, see where this may lead.”

“And if it ends terribly? What happens to Stella?”

“My parents had a nasty divorce and still can’t be in the same room together. We had to bring in a professional mediator so they could both attend my brother’s wedding, and I’m emotionally stable.”

I roll my eyes. “That’s debatable.”

She snorts.

“He might not even come back.” But even as I say the words, I know them to be false. Kevin may not come back for me, but he’ll always come back for Stella.

chaptertwenty

Jane

“Where’s Daddy?” Stella asks.

I look up from the papers I’m grading, and then stare at my daughter. “Who?”

Stella points at the picture on my phone, the one I took of Stella riding on Kevin’s shoulders. “Daddy.”

It’s a week since Kevin left. He’s called to FaceTime with Stella every night for a little while before bed, but that’s it. As much as I hate to admit it, I miss him.

“How do you know that’s your daddy, Stella?”

“He loves me.”

“Yes, he sure does. Very much. And I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” But I have no assurances for my daughter. Not that an explanation would mean anything to her. She’s a smart toddler, but a toddler, nonetheless. My cell buzzes, and I grab it from Stella.

Mom: I have a showing at the Thompson house. Drop Stella off there. Give me twenty minutes.

I send back a text agreeing. Tonight, Dani and I are going out to drink away our troubles, which likely means we’ll have a couple of beers and end up on my couch with a gallon of Blue Bell mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons.

“You remember you’re staying with Pop Pop and Noodle tonight?”

“Yes.”

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