Page 91 of Shadow Break

“What? I didn’t say that.”

“Sorry. I, uh, I don’t know where that came from.”

Sydney took a sip of coffee, then stared out at the woods. “I know where that came from, unfortunately. It sounds like God whispered in your ear. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been trying to make things right, but I certainly haven’t been following God’s advice.”

“Well, that might be it then.”

“What?”

“From my personal experience, I know God has put up walls in my way to stop me from making things worse. Even before I knew he was around. And even after I knew him, I was still good at going through those walls to my own detriment.”

“What did you do to fix it?”

“I didn’t. There came a time when God would no longer budge and I had to give in or completely turn away from him.”

“You think he’s the one impeding my breakthrough?”

“It’s possible.”

“That’s a depressing thought. All I want to do is help people.”

“Maybe that’s what he’s doing. Protecting you and protecting others.”

“Maybe. I hope so. I may have put a lot of people’s lives at stake. But what do I do now?”

“I’m not the one who has the answers you’re looking for.”

“I don’t know how to ask God for wisdom anymore.”

“I don’t think there is any skill required. You just ask. You know, like it says in James?”

“I tried that. I know the verse. If we lack wisdom, we can ask God for it and he gives it generously without finding fault.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“It also says not to doubt or he won’t give us anything. And I doubted. You know, like Peter when he walked on water, then he looked at the storm and he sank. I sank and now God’s been silent on the wisdom front because I don’t deserve it. I was tossed by the waves and now I’m drowning in my own doubt.”

“That’s not what it says.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what it says. In red, if you have that kind of Bible. Jesus says to Peter after he pulls him out of the water, ‘Why did you doubt?’”

Bec laughed. “When I became a Christian, which wasn’t that long ago. I devoured the Bible. Still do. In my study, I found out you can look up the original word used in the Bible. I thought that was really cool.”

“Yeah, I did know that.”

“Good. Then you’ll be pleased to know that Peter’s doubt is different from James’s doubt.”

“What do you mean? It was translated differently?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s two different words. In the Greek. You’re afraid to ask for wisdom ’cause you think you didn’t hold up your end of the bargain. You doubted.”

“Exactly. Just like Peter. He doubted. He saw the storm and lost his nerve.”

“Peter got scared by the storm and wasn’t sure if Jesus would hold up his end of the bargain.”

“Yeah.”

“But it’s a different word in James.”

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