Page 108 of Shadow Break

“That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it.”

“What then, Aaron? It wasn’t that long ago you thought I was the bad guy.”

“I don’t believe that anymore.”

“I appreciate that you’ve sorted that out. But stop acting like you know what’s best for me.”

“I just think you should stop trying so hard.”

“Go eat and leave me to my work.” She turned her back on him.

His shoulders dropped as he went. He gave Peter an exasperated look and sat down at a table, picking at his food.

* * *

Sydney went back to her computer and stared at the screen, not seeing anything. She was dizzy and didn’t know if it was an effect of the drug or if it was her frustration at the outburst she had at Aaron. He didn’t deserve that from her. She wasn’t even mad at him. She was mad at herself and she wanted comfort from him, not advice. But everyone reacted differently to stress. She couldn’t expect anything from anyone else that she couldn’t give herself.

She stood and walked stiffly to Aaron. “Can I have a word with you?”

“Sure.”

“Over there.” She walked to the other side of the room where they could have some privacy and sat down. Aaron pulled a chair up beside her.

“I want to apologize,” she said. “I didn’t mean any of it. I know you’re trying to help.”

“Actually, that’s not why I came over to you in the first place.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No. I don’t want to try to give you advice on how to do your job.”

“Oh. Because it’s okay if you do. You’re a part of this. You have a right to say anything you want.”

“Good. I’ll do that. But it doesn’t have to do with all of this. I’ve been thinking about things I’ve avoided in my life. I’ve been through some tough stuff and I’ve pushed my feelings aside to get the job done.”

“Feelings do get in the way of work. That’s the trouble I have. I think too much about helping people at any cost, and it clouds my judgment.”

“Yeah, but that’s not what I mean.”

“It’s not?”

“No. I — sorry, I’m — ” He squeezed his eyes shut. Sydney looked around the room and noticed the others weren’t eating anymore. Bec was resting her head on a table.

“It’s started already,” she said. “I thought I had more time.”

“What?”

“We’ve already started to deteriorate. You’ve got a headache? Blurred vision?”

“No. I mean, I’m not feeling great, but — ”

“But you closed your eyes. I didn’t think it would process so fast.”

“No, that’s not what why I closed them. Physically I’m okay.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why I think I’ve got anything stopping me.”

“Stopping you from what?”

“Sometimes the thing you think you need to avoid is the thing that God’s trying to point you toward. Once you stop fighting, you find the thing you’ve needed the whole time.”

---