He might even be at the airport right now.
The thought of Gideon leaving, walking away again, brought tears pricking her eyes. She gave her daughter her profile as she tried to collect herself.
"I've been busy since we touched down yesterday." It was a flimsy excuse, and they both knew it.
"You're a princess of Glorvaird," Bea said quietly. "You're in control of your own diary."
It was true. And it was courageous of her daughter to call her out on it. There was an element of bowing to Eloise's wishes. And a whisper of her Father's voice echoing in her memory, demanding she put aside all else for the crown.
But that wasn't all of it.
"I'm frightened," she admitted in a whisper, "that we've hurt each other one too many times."
Gideon hadn't shown his face after Ronald had been waiting at the airport. Last night after Eloise had finally been finished with her, Alessandra had pored over paparazzi photos for hours.
Gideon was right. Ronald often put her in a more compromising position than was true. Leaning in closer than a friend. Watching her with a certain look on his face. Had he done it on purpose? She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps some of the photos looked how they did because of a camera angle.
But perhaps there was a portion of blame to be borne by herself, too. She'd chosen to go to lunch or out for coffee after their official meetings were over. A part of her had craved the attention. Her own husband didn't want her, but Ronald always listened. Was there to share a meal.
She'd done Gideon wrong. And she hadn't apologized, not really. She'd told him the truth, that there was only friendship between them, that she'd never betrayed Gideon's trust. But she'd also made excuses instead of addressing the hurt her husband had admitted to.
"Did you ever think maybe Dad's scared, too?"
A tiny laugh hiccuped out of her. "Your father? He's never scared."
Even as she said the words, she remembered a long-ago time, waking up from a hazy, poison-induced coma. Gideon had been at her side, and he had been deathly frightened. Of losing her.
Had he just become better at hiding his fears over the years?
They'd both learned to hide from each other.
And they'd suffered for it.
Even now, the urge to put things off rose inside her. It would be easy to simply fall back into old routines. Go back to the way things were.
"I don't want to be estranged any longer." The words were out before she'd fully thought them through. But once she'd spoken, she felt the rightness of them.
She wanted Gideon back in her life. She wanted the closeness they'd once had.
She knew it would be a fight, but it would be worth it.
"I'll call you soon," she promised her daughter before they rang off. Then she realized they'd been idling at the curb for long minutes.
"Just waiting for the interior security team to give us the all clear," one of the guards responded when she asked what was going on.
It gave her time to dial Gideon's number. She would ask him not to leave. To give her a chance to see him.
She would beg, if that's what it took.
But his phone went to voicemail.
She stared at the shadowy building that stretched up to the sky. It was beautiful and gothic and historical. Gideon would say there weren't enough lights. Too many shadows, too many places to hide.
It sent a shiver of unease through her.
She had her security team, but the reminder wasn't as comforting as it would've been with her husband by her side.
Even through the assassination attempt at Maggie's ball, she hadn't been afraid. Not really. She'd known Gideon wouldn't let any harm come to her.