Chapter42
Ava
Five days after telling Mum that I’m engaged, I’m back in Buckinghamshire. I’d considered driving home – taking the car Edward gave me, but I was nervous about anything happening to it. We don’t have a garage or even a driveway in Brixton so it would’ve been parked on the street and I knew I’d be checking on it at all hours of the day and night. Plus there’s the parking permit hell that I didn’t have the time or mind space to negotiate. It would have been far more stress than it was worth. I told Edward I’d take the train, but he insisted that Jeff drive me. And so Jeff picked me up and on the way he filled me in on how excited Joe was for Christmas and how the house was decorated and looking beautiful.
And it does. When I enter the hallway, I’m struck by how magnificent it is. A giant tree sits in the middle of the floor. It must be about seven foot tall and almost as wide. Polly will have arranged the decorations but I suspect that Edward was responsible for sourcing the tree. Small fairy lights twinkle in the afternoon gloom, peeping out from between the red and gold bows that have been tied to the branches. Lights and bunches of greenery adorn the banister all the way up and across the landing. There is a scent of pine and spice and it’s then that I spot the bunches of cinnamon sticks and dried fruit in amongst the greenery and the bows on the tree.
‘Hello, dear.’ Polly appears and hugs me. ‘We missed you.’
‘I missed you too. It’s very festive in here.’
‘We do our best.’
‘The smell is incredible.’
‘Wait until you go in the kitchen. I’ve baked mince pies.’
‘Yum!’ I smile at her, my heart filled with fondness for this woman who has become both friend and mother figure. I have a feeling that she’ll get on well with Mum and spoil Daniel as she does Joe. ‘Are Joe and Edward here?’
‘Joe’s in the kitchen munching on a gingerbread star but Edward had to go to the office.’
‘Oh, OK. I’ll just take my bag up then I’ll come and see Joe.’
Upstairs, I place my bag on the bed then go to the window. I had hoped to see Edward as soon as I got back so I’m a bit disappointed, but he probably has a lot to do this time of year. It’ll be good to see Joe anyway, so I wash up then head on down to the kitchen.
In the hallway, I pause for a moment to admire the tree and a wave of sadness washes over me. In the flat, Mum had a small fake tree in the corner of the lounge that’s got to be five years old at least. Some of the bulbs didn’t work and the tinsel was thin and bitty. The best thing about the tree were the decorations that Dan and I had made over the years, the cottonwool ball snowmen, the cardboard angel, the small clay bell that Dan made in nursery school that has faded and become chipped over time but that still has his initials on the back. Things like that, the precious memories that we gather, matter more than any expensive decorations ever could. But even so, I went out and bought Mum and Daniel a new, bigger tree with built-in lights and some new decorations. I took Daniel with me and he chose them, his excitement brimming over at the approaching holiday. I also told Mum not to worry about looking for a place now because there’s the possibility that we could all live together in Edward’s house or she could get somewhere nearby for her and Daniel. I’d like them to live here but I don’t want to put pressure on her and so I felt it was better to give her the options to consider. She said something about Daniel needing to finish the school year where he is, but I think she was just overwhelmed at the prospect of moving and living with people she’s never met before. Which brings me back to something I need to speak to Edward about: when he’s going to meet my Mum. He did offer before I went home but I told him that I needed to tell her myself first. Otherwise, I was worried it would be too much for her in one go.
In the kitchen, I find Joe at the table. He grins at me when I give him a hug and I have to swallow back tears because I’m so happy to see him.
‘How’re you doing?’ I ask.
‘I missed you, Ava. I was worried you wouldn’t come back like my other mummy.’
I pull out a chair and sit near him while Polly busies herself at the stove.
Did he just refer to me as his mummy?
‘Of course I’d come back. I just needed to visit my mum and brother.’
‘Why didn’t you take me with you?’ His innocent question is like an arrow to my heart and I swallow hard.
‘I had to go and see my family and you had school. But you’re all done for the year now, so we can spend lots of time together over the holidays.’
‘Will your brother be my friend?’
‘I should think so. When you meet him, he can show you how good he is with Lego.’
Joe smiles and I could squish him up and never let go. Instead, I settle for leaning over and kissing his hair. The scent of his shampoo makes my ovaries jump, I swear.
‘Can I come next time?’ he asks.
‘I should think so. Or, even better, my mum and brother can come here.’
He nods. ‘Have a gingerbread star, Ava. I made them with Polly and I did the icing.’
‘Oooh, yes please.’
And while I nibble on gingerbread, Joe tells me all about his last few days at school and the concert they put on for the parents. I was sad to miss it but I did need to get home while I could.