Chapter21

Ava

On the morning of my birthday, I wake and open the curtains to find a bright October morning. Autumn is definitely in the air now and I take a moment to enjoy the view from my bedroom window. As much as I miss Mum and Daniel, I don’t miss the view of the small green in front of the flat with its sparse patch of grass and the flats opposite. There are always teenagers hanging around outside in the afternoons and while I know it’s not their fault — after all, they have nowhere else to go — it can be intimidating for some people to walk past them.

My phone is on the bedside table so I grab it then swipe the screen and see a message from Mum. She’s sent me a photo of a banner hung in the kitchen withHappy Birthday!on it. Daniel is standing underneath, already in his school uniform. My heart squeezes because I always spend my birthdays with them and here I am, turning twenty-six and they’re not with me. I reply to Mum telling her that I love them then head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and jump in the shower before waking Joe up for school.

When I get to Joe’s room, he’s not there. His bed is made and his curtains open. My stomach lurches with anxiety because on the rare occasions that he’s woken up early, he always waits for me to take him downstairs now. It’s become part of the routine he enjoys. Some days, he’ll be in bed still sleeping, others he’ll be in bed reading and a few times I’ve found him on the floor playing with some of his toys. For such a young child, he’s incredibly well behaved, and I often think about what life has been like for him with his father grieving and his mother gone. All children deserve to have their parents around for them but I know that’s not always the reality. Look at me and Daniel, for example. Our father has been gone a long time, returning for brief visits when he’d pretend to care before disappearing again. He doesn’t care if we’re alive or dead and I often feel that way about him. He abandoned his family to chase a dream and I’ll never understand how he could do that.

I leave the room and head downstairs, thinking that Joe will probably be in the kitchen with Polly, but when I get there, the kitchen door is closed. Polly always leaves the door open because Edward, Joe and I wander in and out all the time. Not wanting to intrude if she’s closed it for a reason, I knock and wait. When it swings inwards, I jump as I’m greeted with, ‘Happy Birthday, Ava!’

Standing around the table are Edward, Joe, Polly and Jeff and on the table are several neatly wrapped gifts, an enormous bouquet of sunflowers and a pile of envelopes.

‘Joe runs to me and hugs my legs then says, ‘Open your presents, Ava, and see what I chose for you.’

He leads me to the table and I sit down then he climbs up next to me.

‘Breakfast won’t be long, dear,’ Polly says, laying a hand on my shoulder. I am overcome by emotion because I really didn’t expect this. I thought today would be a quiet affair, that I’d get Joe ready for school then spend the day as I usually do, perhaps speaking to Mum and Daniel for a bit longer this afternoon. But it seems that I’ve been spoilt, and I don’t know how to react.

‘Thank you all so much,’ I say.

Edward smiles at me and my stomach fills with butterflies. Since the day out at Charlie’s party a week ago, things have felt a bit strange between us, like there’s something unfinished in the air. That night, I didn’t make it downstairs to share some wine with him because I fell asleep next to Joe. I woke in the early hours to find that someone, presumably Edward, had tucked a blanket around me. The thought that he’d done something so caring warmed me right through. I folded the blanket, tucked Joe in then went to my own room and got straight into bed without brushing my teeth because I was so exhausted. The next day, Edward took Joe out to visit one of his friends, so I didn’t see either of them until late afternoon. It meant that Edward and I didn’t talk about what had happened at the party and as the days passed, I didn’t feel I should raise it. Perhaps he’d thought nothing of it after all and I was imagining that he cared. But now he’s done this on my birthday and I’m even more confused.

‘Here you go.’ Joe hands me a small gift as reverently as if he’s handing me the crown jewels. ‘You’re going to like this, Ava.’

‘Don’t tell her what it is, Joe!’ Edward warns.

‘Hurry up!’ Joe bounces on his seat so I do my best to get the paper off.

Inside is a small blue box so I remove the lid.

‘It’s because you like reading,’ Joe says, a grin spreading from ear to ear. ‘I chose it, didn’t I, Daddy!’

‘He did.’ Edward nods.

‘Put it on!’ Joe is very bossy this morning, but I know it’s because he’s excited.

Carefully, I take the silver chain from the box and admire the small silver book that I realise is a locket.

‘You can put a photo inside it.’ Joe taps the locket. ‘Of me if you want.’

‘It’s beautiful.’ I fasten the chain around my neck and touch the locket where it rests against my skin, smiling at the thought of him wanting his photo there.

‘Now open the others,’ Joe says, pointing at the rest of the gifts.

There’s a pretty jade scarf and matching gloves from Polly (for the colder weather), a book from Jeff (the latest thriller everyone’s talking about, apparently, he tells me), a few more gifts from Joe and Edward (including some fancy-looking Belgian chocolates and a pair of navy wellies with bright yellow bees all over them), the enormous bouquet of sunflowers and then the cards. I open them all and find one from Mum and Daniel and my heart aches, wishing they were here too.

‘Right, clear that lot to the other end of the table,’ Polly says and she bustles around the kitchen before placing a huge plate of chocolate chip pancakes in the middle followed by a large bowl of fruit salad and a plate of crispy bacon. My mouth waters at the incredible smell.

Edward fills glasses with freshly squeezed orange juice and Polly adds a pot of coffee to the feast.

‘Dig in!’ she says, winking at me.

The kitchen falls quiet as we eat and I gaze at the people around the table, aware that I’m growing fond of them all. It’s dangerous to care about people you work with and for, but I can’t help it. All they’ve shown me is kindness and acceptance and today they’ve proven that they’re genuinely nice people. My birthday was something I thought would pass by unnoticed but somehow, because I didn’t tell them, they knew it was today, and they’ve made an effort to spoil me. At this rate, I’m never going to want to leave.

Once breakfast is done and the plates cleared away, I get up and thank them all again. ‘Come on then, Joe, we’d better get your things ready to go.’

‘I want to stay home with you.’ He pouts and folds his arms across his chest.