Page 51 of Meeting the Billionaire Boss

‘You too.’ I take a sip of wine, hoping it will wash down the lump of emotion that’s lodged in my throat. We are at a table near the log fire and the crackling is comforting, reminding me of winter evenings at Herridge Hall. I only lived there for a little over four months but I feel homesick for the house and gardens, as well as for the people.

‘Ava, I’m so sorry for hurting you.’

I meet his beautiful eyes and see that he means it.

‘Thank you. But I’m OK.’ I shrug as if it all means nothing, and I fall in love every day.

‘I’m not.’ He frowns and I feel the strength I pulled together in the car ebb away like sand with the tide.

‘Aren’t you?’ My voice sounds weak and wobbly.

Edward shakes his head. ‘I feel terrible. The house is so empty without you there. Joe is lost. I… I was a fool to let you leave.’

‘Edward, you can’t buy everyone, you know!’ I slam my hand on the table and my wine slops over the edge of the glass.

‘God, no, Ava, I didn’t mean it like that. I should have told you how much you mean to me. I would never have tried to force you to stay, but I could have tried to persuade you. But when we… made love… I got scared.’

‘Do you think I didn’t? It’s been a long time since I slept with anyone… and with you… I gave myself completely.’

‘I did too. At the time and then afterwards, it hit me how much I had to lose. Having been there once, I couldn’t face going through it a second time and… irony of all ironies… here I am suffering because I can’t stop thinking about you.’

A tear trickles down my cheek so I wipe it away. ‘Tell me then, Edward. Explain to me why you were afraid. Let me understand you better. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life not knowing why you let me go. Why you slept with me then pulled away as if I meant nothing to you.’

He takes a slug of wine. ‘Lucille and I were young when we got together. I fell in love quickly but I didn’t get to know her properly. I only knew a version of her. She was a glamorous model with her own money and career, and she seemed to genuinely like me. It’s tough when you have money because people gravitate towards you because of it and over the years I’ve spent a lot of time dealing with people who don’t want to know the real me.’

‘Women you mean?’

‘Women looking for a rich husband or a quick fix to their problems.’

‘And you thought that was me too?’

‘No. Not you. You wanted to work and then when I proposed to you I could see that you were struggling. For you, it wasn’t about the money at all. But that was even harder to deal with because you seemed to genuinely care. I tried to fool myself into thinking it was just the money, the house and the land but when you left, there was no denying that this wasn’t about any of that for you. You’re a caring person and you wear your heart on your sleeve.’

‘My mum has always said that with me what you see is what you get.’

‘For me though… that was hard to understand. I never meet people who’re that straightforward. It made me afraid to believe in you and in us in case it wasn’t real.’

Silence falls between us, stretching out like smoke carried on the breeze.

‘I have fears too, Edward.’

‘I know. Your mum explained some of it. She said that your father abandoned the three of you and that you became very insular. I should have asked you to tell me before. I knew you had pain in your past but I was so caught up in trying to find reasons to justify pushing you away that I missed my chance. And then, you left and I felt like I’d completely misread everything. I’m an idiot and I know I sabotaged my chance of happiness with you.’

‘I did become insular because I was terrified of letting anyone in. I saw my mum go through hell, even though she tried to hide it from me, and then when I was at school, we were researching for a project and I came across an article online about a rock band. My father was the guitarist and he looked so… happy and free, like he was having the best time. He’d left us to go and party and it made me furious. He came back though, many times, and each time I’d see Mum shrink a little bit more when he left. She kept on hoping that he’d change, kept giving him another chance and every time he threw it back in her face. Then Mum got ill and I was so caught up in caring for her and trying to pay the bills that I had no time for anything else. I don’t begrudge Mum or Daniel a second of the time I’ve given to caring for them, but I do have to push my anger towards my father aside on a daily basis. I don’t even know where he is now and I don’t want to know. But yes, the way he hurt us meant that I never wanted to fall in love and give someone that much power over me. Until I met you.’

‘Ava… There’s more.’ His eyes are shining and I want to hug him but I need to hear what else he has to say so I hold back. ‘Lucille was an amazing woman but she didn’t love me. I don’t think she ever did. She liked the idea of me but not the fact that I worked so hard and was often at the office or away for business. She had… ways of filling her time. I knew she’d taken cocaine recreationally before we got together. I didn’t know she dabbled with other things too and after we married. Never around Joe or when she was pregnant, thank fuck, but when she was out with friends. And see… there was someone else.’

‘What?’

‘The night she died in Spain, she was found in the car with another man. I assumed he was a friend, possibly a colleague, but when they gave me her belongings after the crash, there were explicit messages from him on her phone. And photographs. The type of photographs a man never wants to see of his wife with someone else. I’m sure she would have deleted them… not that I ever went through her phone when she was alive… but I was grieving and desperately trying to piece together her last few days. And so… I lost her in two ways that day.’

I reach out and place my hand over his. ‘I’m so sorry.’

He swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs. ‘I’ve never told anyone because I don’t want Joe to know. I deleted all the photographs and messages and destroyed the phone. Her lover’s phone was destroyed in the crash, so I didn’t need to worry about anyone seeing the same things on that.’

‘I can understand why you’ve struggled. Your loss was double-edged.’

‘It took me a while to accept it and I was furious that she’d been cheating but then, the more I thought about things, the more I could see the signs I’d ignored. It was hard to admit but I had to accept that I’d chosen to turn a blind eye to things that I should have questioned. Being hurt and betrayed like that makes you afraid to trust anyone ever again. Lucille was unhappy with me, and I wish she’d just told me so then we could have parted amicably for Joe. But I think she liked the lifestyle, as well as the security I offered, too much to walk away from it.’

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