Page 35 of Playboy Billionaire's Secret Baby

That’s it: the moment I crack. My head falls, and I sob madly. I let all the emotional distress circulating through my veins finally come unlocked. Italy was supposed to be a fresh start. I was going to be happy here, but it hasn’t exactly happened. If anything, this is harder than ever. Harder than the UK even. Allegra holds me as I weep against her, no longer offering her opinion. I know she doesn’t agree with me anymore. She doesn’t think I should go back to London, but she knows I have to do whatever is right for my family.

She stays with me, holding me until the tears finally subside. I must show her how hard this decision has been for me. It’s not something I have taken lightly.

“I’m sorry, Lexi,” Allegra offers. “I know you’re only thinking about James, and I get it. I don’t want my opinion to get in the way. This is your life and something you need to deal with in the best way possible. I hope you know that I’m on your side always and will always be there for you if you need me.”

I smile weakly at her. “Yeah, I know that. I hope you know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done. Getting me this job here and everything…”

“Have you managed to tie things up with the work before leaving?”

I reply, “Yeah, it’s all okay. They were very happy with what I’ve managed to get done in any case. I think they want to offer me more work, until I told them I was going.”

The confession comes from somewhere in the pit of my stomach. I would love to stay here and continue working… that’s pretty much a dream come true. What I could do is try again somewhere else in Europe. I would enjoy exploring another part of the world and expanding my work. That will be great for the company. After all, it gave me a job when times were hard, but just hasn’t worked out well here.

Allegra stays with me a little longer, but eventually she has to go back to her life. It’s gutting-wrenching to know that she isn’t going to be just around the corner anymore…that I can’t just call up on her when I need to… but our friendship has survived the distance before and will continue to do so. Just because things are changing doesn’t mean our friendship has to. It does, however, feel like I’m losing her…

I head upstairs once she’s gone to see if James is still asleep. I need to work out if I really am doing the right thing, my son sleeping always melts my heart - he’s so sweet and innocent. He came into this world innocent and loving, with an open heart and mind, just as all kids. I have to protect him at all costs and make sure that no one hurts him, even if that man is his own biological father.

Chapter 24

Frederico

MyheartpoundsasI stare at the text on my phone, wondering what I should do about it. I understand Adam has only just found out that Lexi is headed for the airport, back to the UK for good, but that doesn’t help me. it leaves me horror struck and frightened. I can’t just let her go. I know that for sure. I’ve been so busy soul searching and working out what I want to do with Lexi and James that I’ve clearly missed my chance. Phone calls and text messages aren’t enough. I should have gone to her home and insisted on talking face to face. We should have hashed this out.

Now she’s going, and I’ll never get to find out the truth. My brothers will kick my ass - and Adam will as well. What am I supposed to do? Before I can even make a plan, I grab my jacket and keys. Shit, I’m headed for the airport, aren’t I, for the conversation we should have had ages ago. My heart is thundering so loudly that I can’t hear myself think. It’s like I’m acting from my natural, primal side. I can’t just let Lexi go and end it here. No way.

My mind is racing at the speed of light as I dive into the car and start moving along the road. The experiences I’ve shared with Lexi fly through my mind, from the very first moment I spotted her at the wedding, looking lovely in her bridesmaid gown, to our vineyard date and all the times we’ve hooked up since… she’s definitely gotten under my skin in ways I didn’t know she could - or anyone for that matter.

Why did I not just tell her how I felt? I should have gone to her and talked about my heart, whether James is mine or not. I can almost feel Marianne looking over my shoulder, scolding me for being such a coward. She always said that I wasn’t open with my feelings, but, of course, she accepted me anyway. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t change now…

“I’m coming, Lexi,” I mutter, hoping that somehow my message gets across to her. “Just wait for me. Don’t get on that plane until I’ve had a chance to talk to you.”

Every time there’s a red light stopping me from getting to my destination, I want to scream, nearly as loudly as I almost screamed when I first laid eyes on James.

That boy is mine. The more time that passes, the more convinced I become. If I don’t get to the airport fast enough, I’m going to lose him. I’ll lose the chance to finally be a father to a boy who might not need me in his life, but I hope wants me there. I don’t want him to grow up without knowing who I am…

It seems to take me forever. I don’t know how, but I manage to get to the airport despite the traffic gods working against me. It was the hardest journey I’ve ever had in my life. With Lexi and James at the forefront of my mind, I screeched into a parking space and race inside the terminal.

“Lexi,” I cry out as I run through the corridor. I probably look like a mad man, but I don’t care. This isn’t about how I look at the moment. The usually cool and collected man I present in public has long gone. “Lexi, where are you?”

Fuck, it isn’t busy in here, but I can’t lay my eyes on her. I can’t see any of her family members. I refuse to give up. Now that I’m here and Lexi is in touching distance, I’m realizing just how powerful a hold she has on me, and how deeply I feel for her. I want her… I need her… I crave all of her.

“Lexi, are you here? Where the hell are you?”

My eyes fall on the departures board, and a sense of horror overcomes me. There aren’t any more flights to the UK, which means what I don’t want it to. The text message from Adam came too late, and the traffic gods really did work against me, making me miss Lexi and James. I don’t want to accept it as I rake my fingers through my hair, but it’s starting to look like I’ve lost her. She’s gone, which means I’m not enough for her to want to stay. For us or… for James…

I grab on my knees as I fall, trying my hardest not to lose my mind as dizziness over comes me. If Lexi has gone, I don’t know what my purpose is anymore. I’ve been keeping my distance from Lexi and James, but they have rapidly become my reason for living. Now without them, I’m totally bereft. I want to call Adam to let him know what’s happened. I don’t think I can cope with this on my own. But I haven’t got the strength to call him, either. I don’t want him to see me in this strange place, where I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t want anyone to see me this broken, with my whole world gone.

“Fuck,” I whisper to myself as I try my absolute hardest to gather myself up. I’m going to have to leave here eventually. I can’t just stay here. “Fuck!”

Eventually, I leave the airport, feeling like shit as I go. My heart shatters into a million pieces. I don’t know where I will go from this point onward. I’ve never been so confused in my life…

***

One minute, Lexi and I are at Adam’s and Allegra’s wedding, flirting and kissing, doing everything we’d both been warned not to do, and the next minute, she’s at my home. Seconds later, we’re at the vineyard where we had our “date”, stripping one another down in haste to get naked. My brain is circling through everything we’ve experienced together, at record speed.

By the time my eyes are running all over her naked body in my mind - her curves and breasts, her soft torso - I’m more turned on than ever before. I can’t keep away from Lexi, it seems, whether in dreams or not. I grab hold of her and drag her to me. I wrap my arms tightly around her and kiss her passionately, claiming her with my mouth.

Turning up at the airport and finding her gone was heart breaking, possibly the worst thing that I have ever been through in my entire life. But right here in this moment, I can hold her. I can kiss her. I can embrace her all I want.

---