Page 21 of Playboy Billionaire's Secret Baby

“Lexi, are you okay?” Allegra shuts my bedroom door behind her. “What’s going on?”

I part my lips, about to spill the usual nonsense that I am just nervous, that’s all, but the weight of the lie sits heavily on my chest. I don’t think I can handle it any longer. If I can’t get it out to Frederico, then I need to tell someone.

“Lexi, I need to talk to you about something. Something big.” Much to her credit, my friend doesn’t appear freaked out. She simply sits down on the edge of the bed and waits for me to talk. It takes me a moment; it isn’t easy to admit that I lied to her a couple of years ago, but I’m hoping she understands. “It’s about James.”

Allegra stiffens. She adores my son and I know how protective she feels. “Has something happened? Is this to do with his deadbeat father?”

“Kind of,” I confess. “Only it isn’t exactly what you think.” I suck in a sharp breath before I continue. “James’s father doesn’t exactly know that he exists. I never told him. It wasn’t some affair that went wrong… it was nothing more than a one night stand.”

“Oh!” I can see that Allegra is confused as to why I’m bringing this up now, just before my date with Frederico. Understandably so. “Right, I see…”

“I got pregnant on the night of your wedding, Allegra.” I give her a warning look, but I don’t think that’s going to prepare her for what’s to come. “With Frederico. Which is why I’m now completely freaking out about this date. He has no idea that I’m even a mother. Never mind that he has a child in the world he knows nothing about.” I hang my head low. “I know this is a lot for you to hear, especially about Adam’s friend, but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I was in England, he was here…”

“Yeah, I totally understand.” Allegra blinks a few times in shock. But I appreciate the fact that she is trying to hide it as much as she can. “I mean, I would probably do the same thing. I don’t know if Frederico is exactly the fatherly type… I just can’t believe that you slept with him and didn’t tell me. What a secret!”

“I did so again when I was here a few weeks back.” I might as well be honest about everything now. “I think it’s why he wants this date. He might want more, and that really scares me. I can’t give him more…not with this secret.”

Allegra pauses as she thinks this through. I really hope she come up with the answer as I can’t do it on my own. I need her. “Well, I don’t know about wanting something serious. I don’t think that is ever a worry for a guy like Frederico, which means you don’t need to tell him a thing. You can continue to keep this a secret from him, if you want to. You could even let him know that you have a child, so he doesn’t get silly expectations, but don’t mention who James’s father is.”

She pauses thoughtfully for a moment. “You know, I never would have given Frederico your cell phone number if I’d known. I didn’t realize that I was pushing you into such an awkward place. Shit, I’m sorry, Lexi.”

I shake my head. “No, this isn’t your fault. I’m the one who kept it to myself. I was just so scared to be open and honest because it’s scary. To admit that it’s Frederico…”

Lexi nods slowly. “Just keep the truth to yourself. I don’t know if any good will come from being truthful. I don’t think that Frederico will take it well. It’s best for you to pretend that the father is someone you met at work a few years ago.”

I’m surprised at the advice I’m getting from Allegra. I thought she might be more concerned with me being honest with Frederico. I didn’t think she would prefer me to keep a secret so big. The fact that she’s telling me to continue to keep things to myself only proves what I have been worried about: Frederico wouldn’t want to be a father.

I sigh. Does that make this whole date a waste of time? I don’t know if I should be anywhere near Frederico while keeping so much from him. Idowant to see him, though, I can’t deny that. My body craves to be near him, no matter what irrational thoughts I have.

“Go,” Allegra tells me softly, almost as if she can read my mind. “Go on the date and have a good time. Enjoy yourself. What’s happening with you and Frederico is completely separate from you and James. I know it might not feel like it, but it is.”

I try to take that on board, but it isn’t easy. It’s always going to be mixed up in my head. There is no denying biology. IknowFrederico is James’s father, and I can’t just switch that off. I need to face this; maybe make a decision when I’m on the date when I can see Frederico right in front of me…

If he’s still there, that is. I’m so late that he might have walked out on me, answering all my questions without me even needing to ask.

“Okay, I think I’m ready.” I shoot what I hope is a confident smile at Allegra. “I think I can do this now. I will just treat this as a date. A normal date.”

“Right.” Allegra beams from ear to ear. “Have the best time. Why not?”

I don’t know if she even realizes that this is way easier said than done, but I’m going to show the confidence I wish I had. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t try…

***

There he is. I can see Frederico sitting in the restaurant, waiting for me, surely getting increasingly annoyed by the minute. The fear of facing his wrath is so intense and raw that I can hardly force myself to go in. I know I should. I’ve made it this far after all, but taking that step seems impossible.

The more time that I spend with Frederico, the deeper the lie becomes. Okay, so Allegra knows now, and that does make me feel a little better, but it isn’t enough. He should probably know, and I am way too scared to tell him. I don’t think I ever can.

“Can I help you, Miss?” a waitress asks as she tries to slide by me. “Do you have a table booked? I don’t think we take walk ins.”

Huh, I bet. This looks like the sort of place that hasn’t taken a walk in for years. It’s posh, and I’m sure it only lets in the crème de la crème. I don’t fit in because I’m definitely not a part of the wealthy elite. That must scream off me. I wish Frederico had chosen a place a bit more accessible to me…

“I need the bathroom,” I blurt out. I’m just not quite ready to face him yet. One more minute to bolster myself back up, that’s all I need… “Where is it?”

The waitress frowns and points toward the bathroom. She already doesn’t like me, so that’s great… what a terrible start to such a scary date. I try to convince myself that everything will be fine. Once I get to the table and Frederico and I start talking, we will surely fall back into that wonderful place, where we get along really well.

It’s undeniably different now. There is much more weighing on this, and I’m afraid that the pressure will crack me. I burst into the bathroom and cling on to the side of the sink while I attempt to catch my breath. I don’t even recognize the woman staring back at me.

I have to get back out there quickly because I don’t want to leave Frederico waiting even longer than I have done already; but I don’t know if I can move. My whole body feels frozen to the spot. I can’t move however much I know I should. Once I get out there, I might have to face everything that makes me uncomfortable and awkward.

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