Lexi wraps her legs around me, grinding her soaking wet pussy against my loins, luring me in. She wants me… she craves me…I can feel how much, so I give her everything she wants. I thrust deeply inside of her, fucking her against the wall behind as leverage. Every time I bury myself deep inside, I lose myself to the dizzying excitement.
I love being with Lexi like this. I honestly no longer know why I spent so much time fooling around with women I don’t care about. It never felt as good as this, not at all. It was purely physical - just an act. Real emotions make it so much better. So much more intense, so much more phenomenal.
I love her.That thought hits me like a punch in the face.It’s so obvious now. I love her.She’s the first woman to come into my life and make me feel again after Marianne. But Lexi slipped through my fingers like grains of sand, and I allowed it to happen. I didn’t keep hold of her, so it doesn’t matter now how much I hold her in my mind; none of this is real.
In real life, I’ve lost her. She’s gone, and I don’t know if I will ever get her back. That thought doesn’t help when all of this feels so real, especially as I lose myself to the overwhelming pleasure that feels never ending.
***
I can’t do it. I can’t just continue on through life without Lexi. I’ve spent a few days trying… really trying… thinking this is what Lexi wants, so I have to give her some space to work it out. I’m trying to be a good guy here and not push her into anything, but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t think straight, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m notme.
I know my brothers have picked up on my new distraction and mood, which only makes it harder. They’re trying to be understanding, even Vincenzo, but I’m sure their patience won’t last forever. I can’t move past this until I’ve got the much needed answers Ihaveto have. My life will remain in limbo until I take action at last.
I pick up the phone and call Adam, letting him know that I need him and Allegra. I know our last plan didn’t work because Lexi didn’t stick around long enough for an intervention, but maybe we can start on that same plan again.
Ineedto see Lexi, whether it’s here in Italy, or if I have to go to her. But I want to approach this in the best way possible.
“We’ll come,” Adam assures me, showing me the same kindness, he showed at the bar when I broke down about Lexi. “We’ll work this out, Frederico, don’t you worry.”
Relief floods over me. Allegra will have some decent advice. If anyone knows how I can make sure Lexi will talk to me, it’s her. Getting to the airport and knowing I lost Lexi and James has made it very clear that I’m in love. Real love, the sort I didn’t know that I would ever be lucky enough to feel again.
I was young when I first fell in love. My relationship with Marianne wasn’t like this at all. I was a different person back then. I don’t know what would have happened with that relationship, truth be told. I will never be able to find out; that was taken from me. But with Lexi, I feel a sense of certainty. That’s wild, considering everything that’s happened, plus the fact that she’s left for another country. But my gut is telling me that if we can make this work, it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to me - and to the both of us. I see an incredible future ahead of us, if we dare give it a try.
Chapter 25
Lexi
Thecoldairwhipsaround me, even as I lie in the camp bed at Mom’s home. If I thought that being back in England would allow me to feel much freer and less stressed about the whole situation… well, I was wrong. Very wrong. I feel as miserable as ever and freezing cold too. With my eyes closed, I try to block the whole world out. I finally cave in to my imagination and allow him to come into my heart.
“I miss you,” I think I hear Frederico whispering into my ear, as if he’s here beside me, snuggling up to me in the bed. “I wish you were back in Italy with me. You didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye. Why didn’t you want to say goodbye?”
I might be drifting in and out of sleep and imagining things, but as I turn to my side to face him, Frederico is really there, holding on to me like I belong to him. God I love this sensation, I adore being in his arms, being held and caressed.
“I was too scared to say goodbye,” I confess as I run my fingers lightly down his cheek. “I knew that if I tried, I wouldn’t want to leave.”
I breathe him in and wait for him to lean down to kiss me. The sensation of his lips on mine sparks desire within me. I hook my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss, massaging his tongue with mine. I miss him. I’ve been missing him ever since we’ve been apart, but now Ireallymiss him. I actually wrap my whole self around him, keeping him locked in my grip. I can’t stand to lose this contact with him again. As we continue to kiss, I get the sense that he knows everything now. I don’t need to worry about being honest with Frederico about James, because he already knows. He knows and he’s happy. He wants to be a father to James.
As Frederico rolls on top of me, I realize that we’re both naked. I don’t know when our clothing vanished, but thank goodness, as it would have been in the way. Now I can push myself up in to a sitting position and straddle him entirely.
“My God, you’re so beautiful,” Frederico groans, pleasure drenching through his words. “No wonder I’ve fallen in love with you. You’re just so beautiful.”
Love?Did he just say that he’s in love with me? Oh, my God, I feel exactly the same way. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with him too. I can’t find the words because I’m too lost in the dizzying desire I feel for this man. Instead, I communicate my feelings physically by kissing him once more, then sliding down on to him, allowing him to fill me up.
The sensation of him buried deep inside makes me miss him even more. I crave every inch of this man; I need all of him. I rock against him, holding onto him because I can’t stand to let him go. Luckily, he’s holding onto me as well, refusing to let me go as we both send ourselves flying into the oblivion of pleasure.
It isn’t the same as when we’re together in real life, there’s no denying that, but it’s better than nothing. I need to have Frederico here in my arms in whatever capacity I can. I love the pleasure that only he can give. I keep riding him until the dream drifts off into something else. Feeling Frederico slipping through my fingers is heartbreaking, but I know it’s my fault. I’m the one who left Italy, even with Allegra telling me I probably shouldn’t. I left and gave up the chance to have him…
***
I wake up throughout the night, noticing the tears streaming down my face. It’s like all the emotions I have been trying my hardest to push down while I’m asleep and my dreams are floating free. There’s a reason I keep waking up, and it’s not just because of the tears. It’s because of the shrill ringing of my phone. Shit. I bolt up and scramble around to find my phone, so it doesn’t go off again.
“Hello?” I answer in a sleepy voice. I didn’t even bother to see who it was.
“Lexi, am I right that you are back in England?”
Oh fuck, it’s Evan. I haven’t even thought about work since I’ve been back home, but now all those worries have come flooding back, knocking me completely off kilter. I sit up a little straighter and try to act like I’m not napping. Lightning bolts of panic shoot through me as I speak.
“Evan, yes, that’s right. Sorry I haven’t had a chance to call you yet…”