“Maybe you could come on set with me the next time I’m filming.” Even though I don’t feel like I’m doing anything right, Lara is still warming up to me. “I would like to have you there. It would bereallycool. Would you like to watch me act?”
There’s no way I’m getting her hopes up here. I’ve always been very clear about what I want so no hearts get broken along the way. Dating properly and seeing her work… a hard no.
“I don’t know if that’s something I’ll be able to do, Lara. My business takes up all my time.”
“Aw, that’s a shame,” she says and pouts. “But I get it. I know you’re a busy person. At least we have tonight, right? We better make the most of what we have right now.”
She flutters her eye lashes at me but still I feel nothing. She’s basically suggesting that she’s cool with this being a one night stand… she’s not going to freak out afterwards, which is great… but I feel empty inside. There isn’t a sparkat all,which is really irritating.
What the hell did Lexi do to me? Why is everyone else so bland compared to her? I try to smile at Lara but I’m not quite feeling it. Not like I should be.
Love is a fool’s game,I remind myself.I’m too busy for it anyway. It’s totally irrelevant.
“Come on.” I finish my drink because I need a different atmosphere now. “Let’s get out of here. I think we should go and get a drink somewhere else.”
Lara lights up. “Oh yeah, that sounds good. I’d like that.”
As we walk, I decide to lean on what tonight is. “So, tell me what you want to know about my brothers. Vicenzo and Elio are very… interesting characters.”
She tosses her head back and laughs from the pit of her belly. “Oh yeah? I’ve heard as much. The D’Amici brothers certainly have a reputation that precedes them. You’re the biggest playboys in town, right? All the men want to be you and the women want to be with you.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that…” I offer, but she shakes her head immediately.
“Yeah, that’s the way it is. The D’Amici brothers are well known for that.”
The reputation has been earned, I will be honest about that much, but it is becoming a bit of a bugbear. I don’t like people thinking they knoweverythingabout me before I’ve even spoken a word. I would like there to be a little bit of mystery. I give Lara what she wants, talking endlessly about my brothers. She’s lapping up every word, probably trying to find a way in so that she can work out which one of us will be best to try next, since I’m definitely not giving her long-term vibes.
I don’t think she’ll get anything more from my brothers, but who knows. Maybe there is one woman out there who can change everything. I don’t want to think about who that woman could be, because for me, I only have one in mind and I’m trying to get rid of her from my brain. Lexi was just one night at the wedding and she ran out on me before I could even wake up. That doesn’t exactly sound like a love story to me.
Not that love is for me, in any case, so I have to stop going around in circles. It doesn’t matter. Lexi is long gone, which is for the best and I have to focus on me and the woman on my arm…
***
There isn’t a dance floor in the middle of this dive bar but Lara has made one for herself. She’s has pushed tables out the way and has her hands in the air as she shakes her hips side to side. Of course, all eyes are on her, including mine. But I’m just trying to make sure she’s okay. She’s more than a little intoxicated and it's my responsibility right now. This isn’t exactly the way I thought this date would go. I did have the chance to take Lara back to my place so we could have some fun but it wasn’t on the cards. So instead, we’ve drunk a lot and had a laugh; now I need to make sure she gets home safe.
I don’t mind that it wasn’t going anywhere. I still can’t freaking get Lexi out of my mind. Every so often, I find myself clicking onto social media to see the photos that Adam posted from the wedding because I know there are some particularly beautiful snapshots of Lexi that always make me smile. It’s dangerous for me to look at them; it causes me to sink into memories of that night again – the look in her eyes, the way she smiled, the curve of her ass as she danced – which will only ruin this night even more.
I could quite easily reach out to her if I wanted to. I could add her on to my social media account and see if she’s thinking about me - in the same way I’ve been thinking about her - but I stop myself. No matter how much I’ve had to drink…and even when I’ve gotten close, I don’t make that move.
I always remember what it was like losing Marianne and how much that tore me apart. It halts me in my tracks. Feeling pain like that and losing the future I thought I would enjoy, killed me. It crushed a part of me that I will never get back.
So, I sit here and look at photos of Lexi. I wonder what she’s doing right now, as I recall that one special night we shared… but that’s it. That’s as far as it will ever go. I can even hone in on her beautiful face while she’s smiling happily at her best friend and run my finger down her cheek, remembering how soft her skin was. I’ll never add her as a friend.
It’s better this way…never meeting again is best for the both of us, even if it makes my heart ache. I can blame it on the booze and the failed date, that is, the wayImade the date fail. My feelings can’t all be Lexi, or can they?
Chapter 7
Lexi
Twoyearslater…
My boss Evan, stares at me in shock as I finish my proposal. I can’t help twisting my hands anxiously around in my lap as I wait for him to respond. I know I’m putting forth a lot, but I’m hoping he sees that I’m worth it. I mean, I’ve surely proven my worth over the last two years.
I know that Evan took a risk when he hired me because I was pregnant, and there was no guarantee which way my life would go. But I’ve worked really hard to show that he made the right choice. At least, I’ve tried to, every single day. I always volunteer for any work available, and I’m always putting forth ideas during meetings.
I’m lucky that my mother moved close as soon as James was born so she could help me out with babysitting. She loves him and adores looking after him, allowing me to pursue my career. I’m lucky, and I feel it every day. Somehow, I’ve managed to “have it all”, although only with the assistance. Architecture might still be more a man’s world, but I’ve taken a stance and done everything I can to make sure my name is known in the world.
At least, I hope so. I’m about to find out, right?