Page 60 of The Untamed

“You okay, Ry?”

Dad’s gruff voice cuts through all thoughts of Ronan and hits me right in the stomach. It’s like my mind is muddled with all these wrong, confusing things bouncing around and now they’ve spilled free for all to see. Dad, perceptive to a fault, is probably picking them all up, inspecting each one and figuring out how to proceed.

“Ryder.”

“I’m fine,” I croak out.

I’m not fine. I’m so completely screwed up in the head and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to erase how I’ve been feeling lately. To undo the trouble my dick keeps getting me into.

Dad crunches softly through the brush and then sits down close enough to me I can smell his familiar earthy scent. His sigh is heavy and sad.

I bury my face in my palms, dreading whatever talk we’re about to have. Whether it’s comfort or solutions, either way the conversation is going to be uncomfortable.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and when Atticus comes for his visit, I want you to go back with them. Get a taste of town life for a bit. Maybe find a girl worth settling down for.”

No comfort. Solutions.

“Dad,” I murmur. “I don’t want to. I want to stay here.”

He sucks in a deep breath before exhaling his words. “It’s not a request, Ryder.”

Not a request.

The finality in his words is a punch to the gut. It knocks the breath right out of me. My lungs ache from lack of oxygen, making me grow dizzy.

This can’t be real.

I’m being exiled. Just like that. Without even acting on anything with Raegan, but for simply thinking it. I gulp in a gasp of air and attempt to find my words again.

“Ronan will hate town life,” I argue, voice growing shrill with panic. “You saw what it did to Rowdy. I can handle it, but Ronan can’t. He needs you guys.”

Ineed you guys.

I choke back a sob that threatens. Hysteria is sucking me into its void, drowning me mercilessly.

“Ronan’s not going.” Dad’s words are clipped and final. “Just you, Son.”

Quiet rushes in around us, growing deafening with each passing second. Just me. Not me and Ronan? Does he know about Ronan preferring men?

“That’s not fair,” I blurt out. “Why just me?”

I’ll be damned if I out Ronan about his sexuality, but I also can’t lie down and take this injustice.

“Ronan’s different as you’ve said. I don’t have to worry about him.” He pauses, letting that sink in before continuing in a gruff voice. “He’s not the one who needs the exposure to new people.”

“Dad, please.” My bottom lip wobbles and I’m thankful for the darkness so he can’t see the edge of an emotional breakdown. “Dad…”

“I understand this hurts. You’re so close to your siblings. This isn’t forever, Ryder. This is for now. You come back to us when you’re ready.”

After you find a woman who isn’t your sister.

That’s the part he leaves off but is heavily implied.

“What if I come back ruined like Rowdy?” I ask, voice cracking.

“He’s not ruined,” Dad growls as he stands. His hand clamps down on my shoulder and he squeezes. “There’s nothing wrong with your brother. He’s just no longer naive to the world. You, my son, still have so much to learn. Take this opportunity and use it well.”

He releases me and then leaves me alone with my misery.

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