Page 51 of A Song of Shadow and Starlight

"My parents," I answer, refusing to meet her gaze even when she lowers her head to catch my eye.

Eris slips her hand in mine and squeezes. "Crying does not mean you are weak, Shaye. It means you're human."

"I think I just need to shower and rest," I brush her off, not wanting to further embarrass myself. "I'm sure I'll be fine in the morning."

"Why don't we go downstairs and grab some dinner. Finn and Nyx are already down there."

And I’m sure Atlas won’t be too far behind. Quite honestly, I’m not ready to face him. I have years of experience pretending to enjoy the company of someone I detest at royal engagements, but I can’t muster that strength to pretend everything between us is alright. There’s no need to ruin everyone’s evening, so I shake my head, stand up, and grab a towel on my way to the bathroom door.

"I think it's best if I just stay here tonight, Eris. Thanks for the invite though."

Eris thankfully doesn't pester me further and bobs her head in agreement. She hops up and heads for the exit. "If you change your mind, you know where we'll be."

"Alright," I offer her a weak smile.

"If you don't show up, I'll bring you a plate."

"Thanks."

Without another word, Eris leaves and I make my way to the bathroom. I strip before turning the shower on. I close my eyes, allowing the hot water to rain down on me. Steam envelops me and fogs up the glass in the shower.

Placing my hands against the wet, marble wall, my mind flashes to the last time I saw Bastian. Those boyish dimples of his, that charming smile, his tall, broad frame – the body of a soldier, the commanding presence of a king. There's no way he can be as vile as the Harland brothers claim. There must be some kind of explanation. Perhaps he truly doesn't know what Vesper is and what she and her crew are up to, but that thought fills me with dread and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Bastian and I might not have spent every waking moment together, but I know there's a gentle, kind soul beneath the tough facade. I'm not naive. I know there is a possibility he guards secrets from me, wanting to spare me from the stress he shoulders, but what if it is deeper than that? What if he doesn't truly trust me or see me as his equal? What if he believes I'll judge him or worse, fear him? If magic is illegal in Midori and he possesses power like the Tronovians say, he is probably nervous that his true nature will be discovered. There is no way for him to know that I also have magic.

All these questions, all these uncertainties. But the one thing I know for sure is that Bastian is not an idiot. He's cunning, strategic, and well-informed on matters of importance. He also hand-picked his personal guards. If I noticed the Soul Eaters' red-rimmed eyes, my fiancéwould not have missed them either. Meaning he knows what they are and still employed them as his elite warriors.

"Why Bas?" I whisper, letting more tears slide down my cheeks.

I can feel the ghost of Bastian's lips on mine, his arms wrapped around me, his muscular chest pressed against my back, and his chin perched on my shoulder. The sweet and untainted love I thought we shared is nothing more than a hopeless delusion, built on secrets, lies, and political prowess. Knowing what I know now, despite what I told Atlas about going through with my plan to marry Bastian, I don't think I can anymore. I love Bastian, but I don't think I can trust him. Where there is no trust, there is no love. I might not be in love with Atlas, but oddly enough, he's earned my trust, and with my outburst earlier, I might have shattered whatever friendship was blossoming between us.

Just thinking of Atlas drags me back to the dark alley in the Brothel District. His soft lips pressed firmly against my own, his tongue sweeping inside my mouth, teasing me, daring me to release my inhibitions. My heart leapt in my chest as he stroked his fingers through my hair; my entire body fell feverish with each caress of my thigh. I didn't want him to pull away, didn't want the moment to end.

The first time I kissed Bastian it felt wrong, forbidden, and in my eyes, utterly romantic. I replayed our encounter over and over again in my head for months.

But kissing Atlas sent a surge through me that I can't aptly put into words. It felt as if my soul was on fire. In the midst of a desert, he was my oasis. He ignited something within me. I just wish I knew what it was.

With the hot water beginning to turn lukewarm, I open my eyes to reach for the soap to finish bathing, only to discover my hands are glowing. I gasp and turn my hands over to inspect my palms. There are no balls of light or shield around me like I'm used to seeing when I practice with Atlas. This is entirely new. Quickly, I hop out of the shower and run to the mirror above the sink, wipe it clean, and examine my naked form to see if my entire body is glowing or it's just my hands.

My eyes!

My eyes aren't grey. They're golden.

What is going on? What triggered this reaction and what does this part of my magic do?

I don't want to destroy this pristine and luxurious bathroom by playing around and I'm far too proud to run across the hall to see if Atlas is there to help me figure out what's happening to me. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even answer the door once he realizes it's me on the other side.

Then it hits me. My magic reacts differently and grows stronger whenever I'm with Atlas or I see he is in need of my help. I hadn't been able to conjure my magic again until I thought he was about to die when Vesper attacked us in the jungle. Just thinking of kissing him produced this new glow. What is it about him that has this effect on me?

I hear footsteps in the bedroom, but when I look at the door, there isn't any light streaming in from underneath the door. I didn't hear anyone come in, but I've been so engrossed in my glowing hands that I probably missed Eris returning from dinner. When I look back at my eyes, they're grey again. My hands aren't glowing anymore either. I suppose whatever transpired will remain a mystery until I can talk to the others about my newfound ability.

My stomach starts growling and I remember Eris mentioned bringing me a plate when she returned. So, I quickly dry myself off and slip a pair of pants and loose tank top on before I swing the bathroom door open to a dark, quiet bedroom. I could have sworn I heard footsteps, but maybe I imagined it.

A light, warm breeze sweeps through the room, and I turn to see the balcony door is wide open. I didn't open it before I took a shower, and when Eris left it was closed.

"Eris?" I narrow my eyes, as if squinting will help me see better in the dark. No one answers, but I can sense someone else is in the room with me. I reach for my magic, ready to put a shield around myself, but before I can, someone grabs me from behind and twist my arms behind me.

I jerk to get away, but I'm unable to escape whoever has me. I'm expecting to see Vesper appear in front of me, but I'm surprised to see the troll who tried to drag me away from Nyx standing with another Bavan.

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