Page 72 of A Song of Shadow and Starlight

I tip-toe into the room, quietly closing the door behind me. I scan his room until my eyes find him asleep in his bed, shirtless. I should go, but for some reason I just watch him. I'm relieved to see his chest rise and fall in rhythmic, peaceful sleep. The thought of him being tortured, the thought that Bastian and Vesper are the reason he has those scars across his chest makes me sick. My stomach is churning, my heart is racing, my mind is jumping from one panic-inducing scenario to the next. But Atlas is safe. We escaped Vesper and her Soul Eaters three times now. We're safe. I'm safe.

I need to leave before Atlas senses me – or Father forbid, sees me watching him. I would never hear the end of it.

I turn to leave but stop when he says, "Is this the night you cut my balls off in my sleep?" His voice is filled with teasing, even though his eyes are still closed. I remember issuing that threat when he slapped my ass after saving me from the snake in the jungle the night I attempted to escape.

"Atlas," my voice cracks and he sits up in an instant. Even in the dark, I can see his eyes are pinned on me. Despite my best effort to mask how frightened I am, my bottom lip quivers and a tear slips down my cheek, spurring him to flip his covers off and limp to me.

"You shouldn't be on your feet," I protest. "Finn said -"

"You're shaking. What happened?" He slips his hands on either side of my face, tilting my chin up to meet his gaze. "Are you hurt?"

I shake my head weakly.

"Then what is it?"

"It was just a nightmare." My cheeks heat. I wish I had taken a moment to think through my actions before barging into his room and waking him. Admitting I am scared because of a bad dream is mortifying. I step away from him, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here -"

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back to him. "I have them, too." His admission feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. "What do you need from me?"

"Nothing."

"You came here for a reason, Princess. Why?"

"In my dream, they said they hurt you," I whisper. "They tortured you…" I take a deep breath, forcing myself to look into his eyes. "And I saw Bastian shift – I've never seen anything so monstrous." My hand shoots to my neck, feeling the knife slide across. "Vesper slit my throat and he just watched. He didn't care. He didn't –" I clear my throat, very aware that Atlas is still holding me, and I blush in embarrassment. What he must think of me! "It was just a dream. I shouldn't be afraid of a dream."

He tucks his index finger under my chin and tilts my head upward to meet his gaze. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"But if they capture me -"

"I'll come for you."

I don't know why that soothes and unsettles me. I place my palm against his warm chest, dragging my fingers along his scars, knowing he will have two more to add to his collection from the throwing stars. "Seeing you on the ground, bleeding..." My bottom lip quivers. "I don't want them to hurt you anymore."

Atlas drags his hands down my arms, never breaking eye contact with me. "I owe you my thanks."

"You don't owe me anything."

"You've stood by my side twice now against Vesper." He bends down to meet my watery gaze. "You've earned my thanks, my trust, and my respect."

I stare at him silently. "Are we becoming friends?" I tease and he chuckles.

"Possibly."

But friends shouldn't stand this close to one another, tangled together so intimately. I clear my throat and sidestep him, crossing my arms over my chest. "How are the Soul Eaters finding me so quickly? How do they always seem to know where I am?"

"They're like hounds," Atlas says. "If they have an object with your scent, they can track you."

I run my fingers through my hair, pacing around his room. "Then I'll never be safe."

"Maybe not." I whip around to look at him. How can he sound so nonchalant about this? He eats the distance between us and brushes loose strands of hair off my face. "But you will always have protection."

My heart is puddy in his hands. I have the strongest urge to kiss him, and by the way he's looking at me, it appears he's longing for the same thing. I close my eyes when he leans closer, but Bastian's face flashes in my head and I gasp. I step away from Atlas, and silently curse the ruined moment.

Bastian could very well turn out to be the monster I've been warned about, but deep down inside, I still care for him, and I know it's wrong to have feelings – or attraction, whatever this is – for Atlas. I've only loved one man, but was it even my choice to love Bastian? I'm not so sure anymore.

"If you're not comfortable being alone, you can stay here."

I open my eyes wide. "Atlas, I -"

---