Page 55 of Signed For Him

"Jesus, Kira, what did I say about telling people fake and horrible fortunes?" Alice exclaims from her place in the kitchen.

"What? It's true, that's what it says!" Kira spurs back at her sister, picking up the rocks and crystals from my hand, pouring them back into the small container.

"I think you've come on your period, princess," Crow says as he shakes me awake softly.

My eyes feel tired and groggy as I look around the bed, my mind not comprehending what it is he's saying.

"Come on, Char, let's get you in the bath."

I allow him to pull me up off the bed while still half asleep as I follow him into the bathroom. The bath is full with bubbles and my iPad on a tray, Netflix already on there, ready to play.

"You didn't just wake up?" My words sound slurred and sleepy as I speak.

"Nah, but I didn't want to wake you until I had a bath run," he says as he lifts his shirt over my head before he takes my underwear off and instructs me to try and go to the toilet while he turns around and then lifts me into the bath.

"I'm gonna go change the sheets and then I'll be back, alright? There's some water and chocolate behind your iPad too," he tells me with a sweet smile before kissing my forehead and leaving the room.

I nod and close my eyes as I feel the water cover me.

I take in the silence as I lay back and appreciate how lucky I am to have the likes of Crow in my life. I realise how often before I admitted my feelings for him that I wished for a partner similar to the men I read about in romance novels and yet Crow, with his ability to make me feel content, is more than anything I could have ever wished for.

His laughter, his energy, his kindness and thought is beyond anything I dreamed of when wishing for someone to love me because he does so much more than that. He doesn't just love me in the way that I do him, but he treasures and reassures me through simple acts rather than meaningless words without any need or want for reciprocation.

"Char." His voice sounds panicked and far away even though I see him right next to me as I open my eyes.

"You need to get out. Now." I look around, wondering what the problem is and come across it immediately. I can't have been in the water for more than a few minutes and yet the bubbles are nearly all gone and in their place is water that's turned red.

I've had plenty of baths while on my period before, but I have never experienced this.

"Crow, this isn't normal," I whisper as he gets a towel and carries me bridal style out of the bath, his clothes now soaked as I look up to see his worried face.

I get dressed and fill my underwear with more padding and sanitary equipment than is probably needed as Crow empties the bath.

The pain hits so suddenly that I find myself leaning over the bed in an attempt to ease it.

"Princess, you're leaking already."

"Matt! Matt, Gray! Fucking wake up, now!" Crow roars as he slams open my door and bangs on my dad's and Gray’s doors before returning to me.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, baby. You're ok, everything's going to be ok." Only I suspect that both he and I know that nothing is ok because I think we both know what's happening.

My bedroom doesn't feel familiar. Not the curtains or the bedding that Crow replaced only hours ago or the soft carpet beneath my bed. Not the ensuite or the wardrobe or the clothes inside of it. Nothing does. Not even Crow. Not my dad or the people that flock around me, whispering things to one another that they think I can't hear. I practically laugh at myself internally. I'm hilarious. I feel hollow and empty. They all seem to think I'm scared or upset or ashamed, but I'm none of those things. I'm nothing. I just am.

A knock echoes around the space surrounding me, leading my eyes to drift towards the door that slowly opens as Crow's head peeks around the side of it. My mind aches at the sight of him.

I see it in his eyes - the wishing for me to be me again. He doesn't say it or show it, but I know he must want me to just shake out of it. To go back to being me. He must. I do, so how can he not? I feel like the moment the bleeding started, the moment the doctor confirmed something so dreadful, was the same moment that I truly began to mourn - not just for the life leaving me but for it all.

"Can I come in?" he asks, his voice low and husky, still filled with sleep. He must be exhausted. He's been with me the whole time. Point blank refusing to leave. I haven't asked him to go but my dad has. Numerous times. Not because he doesn't want him here, I don't think it's him personally that he wants gone. I think he just believes that if things go back to normal or as normal as they once were that I will too. He keeps looking at me as if he doesn't know me. He looks as lost as I feel. I hate seeing him feeling anything other than himself.

I nod my head at Crow, letting him know that it's OK.

I smile weakly at him, and find myself staring at the wall above his head again as he kneels at the end of my bed.

"Do you want anything to drink or eat?"

"No, I'm OK, thanks," I tell him as I huddle into myself further, cringing as I feel myself bleeding again.

I can feel it leaking out of me. The blood. The life. Mine and its. The thing that was inside of me. The life that I didn't want but didn't have a choice in keeping or losing. The doctor said my body couldn't cope with the physical strain I was under and that was what they suspect caused the miscarriage. My body lost a baby. I'm losing a baby. A part of me.

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