Page 54 of Signed for You

I was going to. Before falling asleep again last night, I had told myself that I would ask them both about it. Even though the conversation with Liam centred around Crow, I am sure Victor knows more than he is telling me too.

I'm not sure what stopped me. Or rather, I perhaps didn't want to admit that I was worried about how they would react, worried that they would cover up my concerns or be frustrated with me for not telling them sooner.

* * *

Dad still insisted I go to the doctor this morning, which I had completely forgotten about until he rang me twenty minutes before I was supposed to be there, reminding me of it. I'm not sure why he is so insistent on the check ups when nothing is wrong. It is long, boring, and to add to matters, I am met with a grumpy doctor that is not our normal doctor. He isn’t rude, he is just very reserved and seems unwilling to interact, which is always fun.

I’m not sure that he does it on purpose, chances are he is just busy and sick of people. I can't say I blame him if that is the case. I would be bored stiff of seeing people day in and day out too if I were in that situation. Dad used to get everyone check ups with the Club Doctor every few months but he hasn’t done it in a few years. I wonder what made him change his mind so suddenly.

I have spent the afternoon jazzing myself up in Victor's bedroom, insisting that he and Crow leave me alone to have some girl time. I have spent the time pampering every inch of skin I have. Shaving, waxing, moisturising, creaming, and preening. My body feels completely brand new. Sleek, slim, and when I look in the mirror before leaving, I am more impressed than I ever thought I would be when I was planning out my clothes this morning. It isn't often I look at myself and think I look nice, but I know that what I am wearing will blow Victor and Crow away. And as much as I hate the idea of dressing up for a man, or two men in this case, imagining their faces seeing me in this only makes me want to wear it even more.

Just the thought of the acts that had taken place in the recent days with them sends shivers down my spine, a fire filling the frenzied and constant need I seem to have when around or thinking about them.

I had crimped my hair, loving the volume it gives it as well as the slim shape it gives my face.

I put on some blood red lipstick, black mascara, and some smoky eyeshadow.

I didn’t bother with foundation, blusher, or contour. I never usually wear makeup, so having on what I already do makes my face feel full as it is. Plus I’m not great at doing it in the first place, so I am sticking with the safe, easy options.

I love makeup on other girls. They always make it look incredible and flawless, but applying makeup is not a skill I have and most of the times I've tried it, I look orange. Not the look I’m ever after and yet the only one I seem to be able to get right, so it’s easier to just avoid it all together.

I had decided on red strappy heels, a black skin tight dress that showed just enough cleavage, accentuated my curves, and is short enough to make my legs look longer than they really are.

I had chucked a leather jacket on top, mainly just because it is cold and I need some sort of cover or I’ll never make it to the club, let alone inside to enjoy myself, but also because it is my favourite one that I wear with just about everything.

Dad picks me up and drops me off outside the club, the boys saying they'd meet me there. They didn't mind me being away from them since I was with my dad.

The music at the club is monstrously loud. I am only at the gates and can hear it already. I am surprised it is still going on but as Crow had said, we can't live our lives avoiding the very things that we want for the fear of something bad happening. He is right.

There are at least a hundred people stood outside, smoking and drinking, swaying from side to side, probably so intoxicated that they are completely unaware of what is going on around them.

I have never been drunk like that, and I never want to be either. I hate the idea of being in a state, physically and mentally, where I’m not fully in control of what I am doing or saying. I mean, I got that it could be fun, that it was a release that everyone needs at some point. I just never want to be in a position where I have no control. That’s my worst nightmare come to life.

My goal is to find Crow, Victor, and Alice (and maybe even Eggy) and just be a teenager for a little while. A few drinks won’t hurt.

“Yo, Char!” I’m nearly at the door and turn towards the voice that I instantly recognise as Crow’s. He is walking straight towards me, having spotted me before I saw him.

He pulls me inside of the club, and I find myself immediately surrounded. It's packed in here. How anyone is dancing is beyond me. There’s hardly space to move or breathe, let alone actively dance to whatever the hell is echoing over the speakers.

Crow hands me a drink. I take a sip and recoil in shock.

“Fucking hell, Crow!” I exclaim. “What are you trying to do to me?” I ask with a laugh.

Vodka, and vodka alone, is filling the red plastic cup he has handed me. It burns my throat and starts a fire in my chest from breathing through the cold air outside.

A cup later and a chat with a still working, but ignoring any customer that isn’t me Alice, and I can feel the alcohol taking effect on me.

I don’t recognise most of the people here. A few say hello, bump into me by accident, and apologise, or try to flirt, but I push most away or simply ignore them.

I’m sat on a bar stool talking to Alice about a man in the corner that looks like he’s about to be sick. His friends are around him trying to get him in the taxi outside to get him home, and Alice is informing me that this far too drunk man is a regular that does this every time a drop of anything alcoholic passes his lips.

Crow went to the bathroom about twenty minutes ago and hasn’t yet come back. I wonder what he’s doing. I wonder where Victor is too, I've not seen him anywhere.

I tell Alice I’ll be back soon, down another cup of vodka that I know I’ll soon regret, and unsteadily clamber off the bar stool in search of Crow and Victor.

So much for not letting me leave their sides. I can't even find them, let alone stay with them.

Through the main hall, I enter the corridors, leading me to the quietest part of the club. The people in the party were only allowed in the main hall or to the toilets to the left of the main hall. Crow wouldn’t have used them though. A lot of the men have designated rooms here, and chances are he would have gone to his, so that’s where I start.

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