Page 8 of Feel It All

I make my way back the car, and I am dreading it. I tell myself it’s because I won’t hear the end of this for the rest of the night from Owen, and not because I am leaving her. “I do not want hear one word,” I say as I climb in.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he says as he throws his hand in the air in defense.

Chapter 5

Winry

WhenIambackin my apartment is when I finally allow myself to feel anything other than pure anger. I meant what I said, I was not upset about Flynn cheating, but to say his words didn’t sting a bit would be a lie. I try my best to not let them affect me, but they do. Am I really boring? No personality? Am I really bad in bed? I do not want to let the voices in, but they are here, and they are screaming that I will never be good enough.

Deep breaths. In and out. In and out.

No, I am in control here, not my thoughts. When my sisters and I would go through a breakup in high school, Mom would allow us only three days to wallow, cry, and be a complete mess. It’s a practice I have put in place even out of high school, but this time Flynn does not deserve three of days of my happiness. I will wallow tonight, and that is all the power I will give him.

I make my way into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of wine, and a pack of cookie dough. Tonight, I allow my demons in, on a leash that is. I won’t let them take over, and in the morning, I will be all better. I turn on someFriends,pour a giant glass of my favorite wine, eat half the pack of cookie dough, and allow myself to cry a little.

I barely sleep, but by seven in the morning I have decided to end my pity party. Thankfully, it is my later day at Crossroads, so I do not have to be there until ten. So I throw on my favorite burnt orange workout set and head to the porch. A good workout to kick my butt is exactly what I need. I roll out my mat, turn on some jams, and start my go-to full-body workout. Halfway in I am drenched in sweat and out of breath. Damn South Carolina heat. Even at seven in the morning it is humid as fuck.

“I see you are doing all right.” I scream and jump in response. I turn and see Graham standing on his porch, still in uniform, still looking hot as hell.

“Goodness, you scared me.” I place my hand over my chest, trying to steady my heart rate.

“Sorry about that. I just got home from my shift, and I heard music. Thought I would check it out.”

“Sorry, I will turn it down.” I pause the music.

“It’s no problem, I was just checking…”

“You do not have to check on me, you know. I am a big girl; I can take care of myself.” I may have had a pity party last night, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“No, I know you are, I was just…I didn’t mean…um, I’m sorry.” He runs his hand through his hair and looks down at the ground.

“It’s all right, Graham. How was your first night?” I ask, leaning on the railing.

“Good, uneventful, mostly. Just some traffic stops. I should probably get some sleep soon though; I work again tonight.”

“Yeah, the five on, two off schedule. I know it well. What are you doing this week? Schedule-wise I mean.” I hope that didn’t come off as weird as it sounded.

“This is my five days on week, and night shift for the foreseeable future.”

I give him a light smile; it is tough schedule. I remember how hard it was for dad growing up. He always adjusted his schedule when he could so that he never felt like he missed anything, but it takes its toll. Dad moving to day shift was a total game changer for our mom. She hated not sleeping at the same time Dad did, but I secretly loved it. The nights when he would stay up were my favorite. I have always had a hard time sleeping, and Dad would never force me to sleep. I think he enjoyed the company just as much as I did.

“It is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure. I will let you get some sleep,” I glance down at my watch; I am running behind to get ready for work. “I have to get ready to go into work myself.”

“Where do you work? Sorry, I know you need to go.”

“No, it’s fine, I always love talking about my work. I own a café and bookstore with my friend Ivy. It’s called Crossroads. You should come by. We have the best coffee in town, and I recommend the best books.” I smile with pride.

“Is that so? Well, I will have to come check it out. I will see you around, Winry,” he smiles back. Man, his smile makes my stomach turn in knots; I want to learn more about him, but I have a feeling that will lead to a whole lot of trouble.

I make my way back inside and quickly get ready. I push off calling my sisters about what transpired last night. They will be glad it’s over with Flynn, but I do not feel like answering the million questions they will have.

I get to work right at ten. Ivy and Abigal have been here since we opened at seven. “Hey, beautiful ladies,” I holler as I walk in; Abigal is at the front desk, so I make my way to the kitchen to find Ivy.

“Hey, you look rough,” Ivy calls out my lack of effort in my appearance yet again.

“Gee, it’s like a hug,” I set my stuff down and hop on the counter next to Ivy. She is currently mixing up some frosting for some of her signature strawberry cupcakes.

“I call it like I see it, babe. What’s wrong?”

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