Page 74 of Feel It All

“I can see you are trying to wrap your head around what I just said, so I will repeat myself. I want you to break up with Graham.”

“Why?” is all I can manage to say.

“I know you both think you are happy and ‘in love’ but I know this won’t work in the long run. I mean this is just lust. You are a new shiny toy that has his attention for now, but you aren’t wife material, dear.” She says it so plainly like I should already know this.

“I’m sorry, but you don’t even know me,” I respond flatly.

“I know enough. I didn’t get a good feeling the first time I saw you two together, and my gut is never wrong. Between how you acted at the brunch and that Graham’s dad tried to talk me into giving you another chance—honestly, the fact that he liked you only confirms that this is not a match—I can tell.”

I think I just blink back at her.

“And he has barely spoken to me since the festival. Do you really want to be the reason he doesn’t even talk to his own mother?” she tilts her head to me in question.

“Sorry, I need a minute to process this,” I stand and pace in the living room. Surely this is all just a dream or something. Am I hallucinating?

“Honestly, it will happen eventually. Graham will come to realize that he is better suited for someone else…”

“You mean Claire,” I interrupt bluntly.

“Yes, Claire for example. Who has a steady job, and one that gives her good flexibility with kids. She lives in Rosewood, which is Graham’s real home. Not to mention she knows not to show inappropriate affection in public,” she rolls her eyes. “I want Graham to marry someone who can give him everything he deserves. That is not you.”

“What about Graham? What about what he wants? What if I am the one he wants?” I ask, frantic and still pacing in the living room.

“He doesn’t know what he wants,” she waves me off.

I scoff. “I can’t believe this is happening right now. Let’s just say I don’t break up with him, would you ever give me a chance?” I pause pacing and hold in a breath waiting for her answer.

“Oh dear, you are going to do it. You won’t let yourself be the driving wedge between him and his mom. If you want to play hypotheticals, then we can. No, I don’t think I would change my mind, I would simply wait for this to run its course.” She shrugs and lets out a huff like I am annoying her.

“I think you need to leave,” I say, somehow mustering up some backbone.

“Are you kicking me out?” she looks shocked, like she hasn’t been insulting me in my own home.

“Yes, yes, I am. I need you to leave.” I walk to the door and hold it open.

“All right then.” Ms. Taylor stands and walks toward the door. “Give what I said some genuine thought. I know you will come up with the right answer.”

Again, I just blink at her with my mouth gaping open. I watch her get in her car and pull out of the driveway before I shut the door. The tears come immediately after it closes.

I slide down the wall and pull my knees to my chest. What the actual fuck just happened? I mean, did that seriously just happen? Why did it happen? I never did anything to her. I am in love with her son and make him happy…right? I don’t understand.

Everything in the room feels like it is starting to spin. My breathing is starting to get uneven, and my mind is going a mile a minute. My mind is screaming, actually. “You aren’t good enough. You are a burden to everyone. You are an unlovable mess. You are broken.”

Breathe, Winry. Breathe.

But I can’t. The tears are falling, and my brain is too loud. I can’t focus on steadying my breath and I don’t want to because she’s right. I’m not what Graham needs, and how could he be with someone his mom hates? I know I couldn’t be with someone my parents hate. She’s right, he will end it eventually; I might as well cut it off myself.

I’m in a shit mood today at work. I barely say two words. Ivy has asked me once what is wrong, but I ignored her. She hasn’t asked again yet, thankfully. I am barely keeping it together as is.

My panic attack felt like it lasted throughout the night, and I am still feeling the effects. Graham did try to call me at one point, but I let it ring. I couldn’t answer. I wanted to so badly but couldn’t. How am I supposed to end things with him? I can feel my heart breaking already.

“Why don’t you go home, Winry? The day is pretty much over, I can cover the last two hours,” Ivy gives me a sideways smile.

“No, Ives I don’t want to leave you high and dry. I’m sorry, I am being a shitty friend and partner today.” I feel the tears threaten my eyes, so I look away quickly and try to rein them back in.

“Look, something is wrong. I know there is, so you have two options. You can either stay here and tell me, or you can go home and tell me another day.” She puts her hands on her hips and raises her eyebrows.

“Oof, okay, I’m going to go home. I’m just not ready to talk about it. Thanks, Ivy.” I can’t even manage a half smile. I just grab my stuff and drive home in silence.

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