Page 19 of Feel It All

After my declaration of friendship, we changed the subject to lighter topics, such as Waverly’s classroom, and Wyla tells us crazy stories from volunteering at the vet clinic. We laugh and overshare. We can talk about anything and it’s not weird. Want to talk about sex? No problem. Want to talk about your body? Go right ahead. Open and honest is my family. You need people you feel at home with and who lay it all out there.

The next few days go by fairly quickly. I hang out with Graham again Tuesday night. He claimed he didn’t mean to order so much Chinese food. I didn’t mind, though. I wanted to hang out with him too. So far, I have learned that his favorite color is blue. He likes to run, go to comedy shows, and watch baseball. He also has his bachelor’s in business but hated his nine to five, and he loved a law class he took in college so decided to go to the academy. We stayed up talking until one in the morning, and I had to force myself to leave then. It felt like Graham didn’t want me to leave either, but maybe it’s just what I want to believe.

It’s Thursday night, so he is working now. I hadn’t seen him yesterday or today. After dinner, I decide to do one of my nightly workouts with yoga on the porch. I usually do one if I really want to sleep a little better. Something about working out under the moon and stars brings me peace. At the end of the workout, I decide to take a moment to appreciate the night sky. There are some little moments that I have learned to appreciate. One is take in the wind on a warm summer day. Two is always look up at the sky and admire its beauty, especially on a full moon.

I crawl into my bed and wrap myself in my many blankets. I somehow manage to fall asleep around midnight and as soon as I drift off, I hear my door open and slam close. My eyes shoot open, and alarm bells start to go off in my head. Surely, I must have misheard. I thought I had locked the door, but then a thud came from downstairs. I quietly make my way to the rail overlooking the living room. I am both relieved and enraged to see a very drunk Flynn fumbling around. I throw on a pair of sweatpants, grab my phone just in case, and head downstairs.

“Flynn, what are you doing here?” He spins to look at me as I enter the living room, and he nearly falls over his own feet. He looks a mess, his face is all blotchy, and he reeks of vodka. I need to get him out quickly. I don’t want a repeat of the last time he got drunk.

“Winry. Hey. I miss you, baby. Don’t you think we can start things over?” His words slur and he tries to walk over to me.

I take a few steps back, “Flynn, I’m sorry but you need to leave. You’re drunk. Please tell me you didn’t drive here.”

“No, don’t start this again, Winry, I am totally,” he burps, “good. I want us together; I know you miss us too.” He takes more steps toward me, backing me up against the door.

He is so close now that I can feel his breath on my skin, “Flynn, back up please. Let’s just talk for a minute, okay?”

Something in my gut tells me something is off. I slide my phone out of my pocket; holding down the lock and volume buttons, I click on the emergency call option. I slide my phone back in my pocket, knowing that they should send a car out for a suspicious call. I don’t want to antagonize him more by letting him know I have called the police.

“I don’t really feel like talking, Winry. Honestly, this is part of why we broke up to begin with. You could never just let go and enjoy the moment. Why don’t for once you just relax and be quiet?”

“Flynn, I won’t tell you again back up.” I feel like I could throw up, but I have to give the appearance that I am strong. This looks like it is going to go south, so I pray that they have already sent someone over to check it out.

Before I have time to do anything Flynn takes my face in his hands and crashes his mouth to mine. He pushes farther into me, pinning my legs so I can’t lift them up to knee him in the balls. So I take my only option of shoving him as hard as I can manage. Once there is enough distance between us, I deck him in the face just like my dad taught me. Blood starts pouring from his nose.

“You bitch,” he barks. I go for the door handle, but he grabs me before I can get out the door and slings me back into the living room. I fall backward and bang my head in the floor.

Shit. I have got to get out of here.

I seriously don’t understand what is happening right now. He has never acted to this extreme before. Granted, I never really had been around him when he drank. The only time he really drank around me was when we got into that fight. How did I not see this? I don’t have time to dwell on that right now. I roll over and try to get to my feet to race out the back, but Flynn is on top of me before I can reach my feet.

“Why do you do this, Winry? You ruin everything good. I just told you we could get back together. Why are you acting this way?”

“Flynn, let me go,” I cry. I am fighting him as hard as I can, but Flynn isn’t a small guy. He flips me over, grips my chin hard, and spits on my face.

Everything happens so fast; I don’t hear my door bang open, but in an instant Flynn is lifted off me. I can hear them wrestling in my living room, but I can’t bring myself to open my eyes. I bring my hands up to my pounding head and try to wipe the mixture of spit and blood off my face. When I finally bring myself to open my eyes, I see Graham and Owen trying to get Flynn in cuffs.

“Graham,” I say holding back a sob. He turns to look at me and he looks absolutely feral, but then he softens.

“I got this, go check her out,” Owen orders, and Graham rushes to me.

“Winry, are you okay?” He gently puts his hands on my cheeks.

I can’t help it, I burst into tears, and he wraps his arms around me as I cry. I feel his grip tighten, pulling me in closer.

I cry for a good minute, and I know I am on the verge of a panic attack.

Okay, Winry, focus. Calm down.

In therapy, I learned that one way to come out of a panic attack is to do a five senses count down.

What can I taste? Some blood in my mouth where Flynn spit on me.

No, keep going, focus on something else.

Okay what can I feel? Graham’s warm body holding me tight.

What can I see? Graham’s warm chestnut eyes staring down at me.

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