Page 107 of Until Now

“Stop it. Don’t dismiss this.”

“I’m not dismissing anything! Quite the opposite, actually. I’m the one taking care of everything. The one making sure shit isn’t falling apart. Because the second my dad died… The second he was gone, it’s like everyone forgot how to function.”

There’s a fire inside me trying to get out. I’ve been withholding it for months, but I don’t think I can do it anymore.

“I am not them. I am not him, Nina. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to be here for you. I want to give you what no one gave me.” Ever so slowly, he pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. With each word, I feel the walls crack. I’ve been holding back — taking care of everything and everyone else instead of myself. “Dee, it’s okay to let it out,” he whispers, but I shake my head against him. “I know what it’s like, but you can’t hold it in.”

“You don’t know anything.”

Except, I know he does.

“I’ve been here. I’ve been in your position. You don’t have to do it alone.” He kisses the crown of my head. “I’m right here, baby.”

“Don’t.”

“Nina—”

“Basta fermarsi!” I push him away.

“I’m sorry, Nina. Is that what you want to hear? Because I am, I am so sorry.”

“Sei dispiaciuto?” My voice a low hiss. When he tries to say more, I stop him. “Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I’m sorry for everything, but mostly, I’m sorry that I wasn’t here for you.”

“You’re right, you weren’t here. But, you know who was?” Of course he knows, how can he not? Everyone saw John at the funeral. Subtly, his jaw tightens. Apparently, I’ve struck a nerve. Good. “John fucking Jansen.”

“Well, where is he now? Because from where I’m standing, I don’t see anyone but you and me.”

“I don’t have time for this, Nick.”

“You can’t keep running!”

“I wasn’t the one who ran!” My blood boils. He really has the audacity to do this after the day I just had? He couldn’t even wait until tomorrow? He couldn’t let me get through this day first? “Vuoi andarci? Bene, parliamone. Where do you wanna start?”

“Nina—”

“No, you obviously want to get this out. Quindi, parla.” His silence only infuriates me more. “Sputa fuori, Nick.”

Nothing.

“No? Bene, I’ll go first.” I pace the kitchen. “How about we start with my ‘reputation.’ That was such an issue for you, right?Davina Villa, party girl, slut, troublemaker…the list goes on and on. Just another trust fund baby living off Daddy’s money, fucking her way through school.” I watch him swallow the lump growing in his throat. “But, you know what, I can’t blame you considering how we met the first time.”

“What do you mean? We met at the coffee shop, we—”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me, Nick Davis. Don’t you dare,” my voice deadly. “Your dad told me about your mom. How you left school unexpectedly. How you never went back because you were helping him. You looked so familiar, but it wasn’t until he told me that I finally realized who you were.” He can only stare at me. “You took me home from Phillip’s party and then, you were just…gone. I never saw you again.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” He sounds defeated. “My dad and Alex, they needed—”

“I looked everywhere for you. I asked Tobias, Jonas… They all lied to me.”

“I asked them not to say anything to anyone, not just you. I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want pity. I wasn’t like you, I was there on a scholarship, there was no way I could keep up with school and the garage and my family.”

“I would’ve been there for you.”

“You didn’t even know me, Nina.”

“But, I wanted to!” My voice echoes in the open space. “I wanted to know you. You have no idea how nice it was to be treated like a normal person. You didn’t care who I was or about my reputation. At least, I thought you didn’t, but I was obviously wrong.”

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