Page 103 of Until Now

I can see the lightbulb flash above his head. Treading lightly, he makes his way around my desk. He takes in the workload surrounding me — multiple windows open on the desktop screen, another two open on my laptop, a copy of designs printed out underneath. It’s no wonder I’m always stressed. He rubs my shoulders, the muscles wound tight under the skin. But, his touch does the opposite of what it’s meant to. “Why don’t we go somewhere? Get away from here,” he whispers in my ear. “After everything you’ve been through, you could use a vacation.”

“A vacation?” I pull away from him. “Do you know how much shit I have left to take care of? I can’t just disappear. In case you forgot, my dad just died. I have to take care of the estate. I have to help Kai with the company. I have my own business to run. I can’t just run off with you.”

“I’m just saying, it would be good for you. We could go out to Napa or take a trip to Paris, you always loved that.”

“You cannot be serious.” My fingers tug at my hair. “First of all, I’m not going on vacation with you. Second, who’s paying for it?”

“That’s not fair, Nina.”

“Am I wrong?”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“You have done enough. Thank you.”

“So, that’s it, then?”

I scoff, “What did you expect, Jay?”

“I’m not like the others Nina, I don’t expect anything from you. I just wanted—”

“You haven’t shown your face in years. Years. Now all the sudden, you show up after my dad dies. Were you scared of what might happen if you showed up before then?”

“It’s not like that, Nina.”

“Then tell me what it’s like because from where I’m sitting, it doesn’t look very good.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I didn’t know what to say. Every time I picked up the phone, I got scared. And when I never heard from you, I don’t know, I guess—”

“You coming here, it doesn’t change things. I’ve moved on and you should too.”

“Where is he, then?” My face hardens. “You moved on? You found someone else? Why isn’t he here?”

“That is none of your business.”

“You’re still the same starry eyed girl I met all those years ago. You have no idea what the real world is like. But, you’re about to find out now that Daddy won’t be here to fix it all for you.”

“Fuck you, John.” I stand from my desk. My jaw locks, there is a lot more I want to say, but it’s not worth it. “It’s time to leave the past in the past. We were not good for each other, and I think you know that.”

“We’re great together.”

“You can’t honestly believe that.” Disbelief. Utter disbelief. “Ending things was the best thing that ever happened. I’d been searching for a way out, but didn’t know how to do it. If not for Teagan’s big mouth, I don’t where I would be right now. I knew you’d never let me go.”

“I would’ve never held you back.”

“I don’t believe you. You never wanted me to do any of this.” I motion to everything around us. “You wanted me to be someone I’m not. Stay here, buy a house, raise a few kids. You didn’t even want me to go to college. It was never in your plan to share the world with me.” I feel a little bit of the weight lift off my chest. “Now, I think it’s time you go.”

“That’s what you want?”

“Yes,” I don’t hesitate. “I appreciate you being here, but you could’ve just sent flowers. It would’ve meant the same.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you needed me to be.” I roll my eyes, I’m in no mood to listen to whatever else he has to say. “Can I ask you something?” When I don’t respond, he continues, “Who is it?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Is it Nick?” I chew on my bottom lip but still refuse to answer. “He’s a good guy, Nina. Whatever is keeping you from him—”

I hold my hand up silencing him. “Just go.”

---