Page 26 of Until Now

“Sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse.”

“Nina,” he laughs.

I’m not wrong, he knows I’m not wrong. Mother is different, even Kai says so. Personally, I can’t say whether she is or not, she has always been this way with me. It breaks my heart to see the way Daddy loves her, but I don’t think she feels the same way. Maybe she used to, a long time ago, but I think she loves the idea of him, what he can offer her.

“Your mother has a strong personality.” That’s one way to put it. “It’s demanding and forceful. But, she has always known what she wants and she’ll do anything to get it. It’s one of the things I have always loved about her.”

I roll my eyes.

“You remind me a lot of her, you know.”

“I resent that.”

“It’s not a bad thing. You’re both ambitious, passionate, disciplined, and independent. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.” He got one thing right, she’s definitely ambitious — she’ll sniff out any way to bring more money into her pocket. “Look, I never said anything because I wanted you to make your own choices…and your own mistakes. But, I feel like it’s time.” He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before he continues. “Your relationship with Lee, it was never going to last.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When you were with Lee, you were a different person. Nina, you changed, and not for the better.”

“No, I didn’t.”

A sad smile. “Nina, you weren’t happy. That was obvious to everyone.”

“Except Mom.”

“She has her own ideas of how a relationship should work,” he shrugs.

That’s one way to put it.

“When you were with Lee, you worried so much about what that boy wanted, it was never what you wanted. Don’t you remember that one Christmas? You spent your entire break with him and his friends out in Washington.”

How could I forget? I remember that trip vividly. Lee guised the trip as a Christmas getaway for the two of us, leaving out the fact we would be sharing a chalet with six of his buddies. I thought about leaving, I would rather spend Christmas with Mother and Kai than seven college frat boys. But, Lee kept promising things would get better. I should’ve known better. That year, I spent Christmas Day alone in the chalet with a book by the fire.

“You were miserable. But, you thought it was going to be good for you guys, help get you on the right track. Was it?”

“No.”

“You gave him everything and he gave you nothing. Your studies slipped, you stopped going to Church, you just weren’t happy. You acted happy, but you weren’t. You were so worried about making him happy, you forgot to take care of yourself. You became who your mother always wanted you to be. You weren’t my little rebel anymore.”

Tears burn my eyes. Everything he said was exactly how I felt, but I pushed the feelings down for so long. I actually started to believe I was happy with Lee. I had been willing to ignore the signs, willing to get engaged, willing to take my degree and do nothing with it. Just like Mother wanted.

Until I was finally free.

“Your mother sees an opportunity for you to have in Lee what she has in her relationship with me. It’s reliable and safe, but I know that’s not what you want. It’s not what I want for you. I want you to find someone who won’t just take care of you, but who loves you. And, that isn’t Lee. Dumping his ass was the best thing that ever happened.”

“Daddy!”

“And, when I see you with Nick, I see you, the real you. The free-spirited, fun-loving, rebel that used to keep us on our toes. You say it’s complicated, but this is not the same as Lee, or John, for that matter. That’s a win in my book.”

I wipe a stray tear that falls down my cheek. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“I can see how much you care for each other. So, whatever is making it complicated, figure it out.”

I promise him I will, and while I feel one weight lift off my shoulders, another still holds me down. He makes it sound so easy, like I can snap my fingers and everything will be okay. But, I don’t even know the first step in un-complicating things.

Chapter Seventeen

“You just can’tstay away from me, can you?” Lee says when he sees me walking down the hallway.

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