Page 106 of Until Now

The concrete floor runs into the bathroom ending at more paneled windows behind a soaker tub, a large walk-in shower housed by glass walls next to it. Fresh peonies and a candle rest on a marble table next to the tub. The same countertops from the kitchen rest on a floating white oak vanity.

That’s where I find her.

Nina stands in front of the bathroom mirror analyzing every inch of her reflection as she removes her jewelry. Under the light, I can finally see the weight of the last few months catching up to her. Her emerald orbs have dulled. Dark, puffy circles underneath them. Her skin is paler and small stress lines have started to form on her forehead. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. I know she’s trying so hard to hold it together just a little bit longer. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and pull her tight against my chest. She clutches to me like a much needed life raft.

I don’t know how long we stand here, but when our eyes finally meet in the mirror, I can see the walls being pieced back together. I kiss her temple and squeeze her reassuringly.

She pulls away from me. “Can you help with my dress?” Goosebumps erupt across her skin as my fingers search for the zipper. A shiver down her spine dragging the zipper down her back. I push the sleeves of her dress down and kiss her shoulder, my lips lingering on her skin. “Nick,” she whispers. It’s not an invitation. When I step away, she lets her dress fall into a heap on the floor.

After a moment, I follow her inside the adjoining room. “This is your closet? This is as big as our room in Haven.”

“You’ll never get used to these things, will you?” Nina smiles.

“What, no private laundry here?” She points towards another door I hadn’t even noticed. “Unbelievable.” Nina shrugs digging through one of the many drawers. And for the first time, I’m able to see the artwork I’d only caught a glimpse of at the hospital — on her left arm in black ink a hummingbird surrounded by peonies. “You got a tattoo?”

She only smiles and pulls on striped pajama shorts and a Rosecliffe sweater.

“Why a hummingbird?”

“They’re small, but fierce. Extremely hard workers. But, don’t do well in captivity, they like their freedom.”

“Sounds like someone I know.”

Letting her hair fall from the bun, she reaches her hand out. “C’mon Fossette, I owe you a tour.”

Chapter Sixty-Two

Nina

I show Nickthe house and answer all of his questions. Did I decorate it?Yes.Did I design it and have it built?Yes.When?Almost three years ago.What was my favorite room?The living room or the library, maybe my office.Did I actually cook?Sometimes.Twenty-Questions: House Edition, I jokingly called it. As he follows me up the stairs, he has one more question. Motioning towards the piano, “Do you play?”

“Yes, but I’m very out of practice.” My fingers ghost over the keys. “Brina made us take lessons and even though I wasn’t the best, I loved it. I guess it’s the one thing I have to thank her for.” I smile as his fingers linger next to mine, playing a note. Middle C. Looking up from our hands, our faces are closer than I anticipated. When he starts to close the space between us, “Nick, we shouldn’t.”

“Probably not,” his words dance across my skin, but neither of us moves.

Just before our lips touch, “Nick.”

He stops — he knows I’m right, this is not the time. He kisses my forehead and takes a step back. “How about a drink?”

“Sure,” my voice barely a whisper as I move past him to the kitchen. I see the surprise on his face when I take two beers from the fridge. “I keep telling you, you don’t know me.” I wink handing him a bottle.

“How are you feeling, Dee?” He asks after a moment, but I don’t answer. My finger traces the neck of the bottle as my gaze narrows on him.

The world seems to still.

How am I feeling? I spent the last week handling the funeral of my father while also trying to manage the emotions of everyone else. I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck ten fucking times. I feel like I’m alone in the world. I feel hurt and betrayed by the man in front of me. I feel confused by all the emotions running through me when I see him sitting in my home — the way it feels normal and makes everything feel complete. All I want to do is curl in a ball and cry, but what good is that going to? The rest of the world doesn’t stop just because mine is crumbling to pieces.

The silence becoming almost too much to bear, he starts, “Are you—”

“What are you doing here, Nick?” The question startles him and me. But, it’s the one thing I want to know. “Why are you here? You haven’t been here this whole time and you decide to show up now?”

“I wanted to check on you.”

“Well, as you can see, I’m fine.”

“Nina.” He is cautious. “Nina, don’t do this.” But, the walls are already up. “Don’t push me away. Don’t act like everything is fine when—”

“Everything is fine! I’m fine. It’s all fine.”

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