Page 99 of The List of Things

“Not in the slightest. I saw the street and knew if I pulled over it would feel just like this,” He says and I feel it too.

It’s just like a movie. LikeLa La Land.I imagine myself in a pretty dress, my heels clicking on the ground as he starts to dance with me. Outside looking in we look absolutely insane and I’m very aware of that. Me in sweatpants and a t-shirt, him in his lounge clothes just the same.

Two random strangers dancing in the middle of the street we don’t seem to belong on. Or maybe people aren’t looking at us like we’re crazy but like we’re something else. Like we’re something out of a movie or a book. Like we’re two people so in love that nothing exists around us. Like we’re something that doesn’t exist in the real world, but we’re here, and we’re doing this, and we do exist. The thought settles in my chest, and it fills it to the brim with feelings. My heart throbs so hard it almost hurts. The song choice too. It's him. It’s just so Bellamy.

“Don’t you have to buy the entire Hannah Montana movie soundtrack to be able to listen to this song?” I ask him, my voice soft, but I know he can hear me because I feel him laughing under me.

“Yes, you do. Once again, I have a little sister,” He hesitates for a second.

I look up at him, narrowing my eyes, knowing it was more than just his sister that influenced this choice.

“It’s a good movie, okay?” He defends himself, and I can’t help but smile.

We go quiet again, and I watch his eyes. Normally I wouldn’t be fond of eye contact like this, but Bellamy’s eyes are so pretty. Especially when they reflect the twinkling lights the way they are right now.

“How does it feel?” I talk first, playing off of his words from before.

He hesitates. He thinks, and I watch as he starts to smile, “Like it should last for a long time.”

His eyes drift elsewhere. I lean my head forward, resting it on his chest, my eyes closing as we sway back and forth, dancing in the street. As if this couldn’t feel more like a dream. Like some crazy fantasy I’ve thought up in my head, Bellamy physically lifts me off the ground. He twirls the two of us, causing laughter to break from my chest. He’s strong in the way he holds me, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m falling. We move together, and I feel like I need to pinch myself to wake up.

“You’re so perfect,” I whisper the words, not wanting to say them but feeling like I have to. “And you deserve to be loved. You deserve the world.”

I shouldn’t say it. I know it’s insane that I’m letting myself but I can’t help it. Not with him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” He’s talking softly too, just like I am.

“I do, and I mean every word. You deserve everything good. You deserve everything you want,” I tell him, continuing the honest streak.

“And I’m going to pretend this is real for a second, and let you know that you’ve given me a taste of what I deserve in a little under two weeks. Perfect doesn’t exist, but you’re pretty good at showing me what it feels like Ryn…”

I don’t know what to say to him. His kindness is welcomed in my chest. My chest is tight at the thought of this possibly being real. No pretending, no lying. I think I want that. I think I want this feeling, but the thought of it going south makes my stomach turn.

Bellamy spins me, my hair whipping around me, and when I stop he stares. His eyes are heavy as they look at me. They read so many things, so many things left unsaid, and I don’t know what’s sitting between us at all right now, but I do know I’ve never been looked at the way that Bellamy Archer is looking at me right now.

We’re not dancing anymore. He’s moving my hair from my face, then he’s stepping close to me, and then he’s in my space altogether. I take a step back, and Bellamy takes a step forward. He closes the space between us, rushing to kiss me like he could die if he didn’t do this right now. If he didn’t completely take me over with just one kiss that’s causing a million things in my chest. It feels like a car crash, like something sudden and instant hits me so hard it almost knocks the wind right out of me. This is the kind of feeling I want to bottle so I can go back to it, and feel it again one day.

My heart is thrumming, loud, and heavy inside of me, the feeling immense as it takes me over. I really like Bellamy Archer. Far more than I should. So much more than I ever thought I would. If I didn’t know any better I’d be convinced this feeling in my chest was the feeling of falling in love. But I do know better. I break from his lips, catching my breath, knowing our night doesn’t end here.

“We can’t stay here all night,” I break the dream in my head.

“Where do you want to go, Ryn?” His voice is quiet.

“Back to my apartment,” I look up, my eyes meeting him.

He brings his hand to my face, cupping my cheek.

“Come with me?” I suggest.

“I don’t know if I can stand another night on your incredibly uncomfortable couch, but I’ll stay for a little bit.”

My cheeks heat up.

“I expect you in my bed, not on my couch,” I feel my stomach drop as the slight smirk returns to his lips, his eyes burning bright.

* * *

I kisshim hard as I push him into my bedroom, the journey up the stairs, and into my apartment is agonizing, but finally over. My hands are under his shirt, and feeling every muscle I can as we back into the room, not needing to close the door, but still doing it anyway. He takes me by the shoulders and turns me around, my body coming in contact with the door of my bedroom. I gasp, but without a second to think or breathe he crashes into me again. His lips are harsh and hungry on my own as he kisses me.

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