Page 92 of The List of Things

Bellamy shakes his head, “He did this? Does it hurt?” He asks and I nod my head to both questions.

“He bit my lip when he… Um. It stings, but it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“As for what he said to you… Baby, no one that matters believes that bullshit. If they do, they don’t deserve to know you, or me,” He speaks quickly, his eyes drifting between both of mine.

He slowly brings himself to me and kisses my bottom lip as softly as he can. Not in a sexual way, no ulterior motive to the kiss than to comfort me. My heart throbs at the gesture. My heart aches knowing how badly I feel for him. How this right now shouldn't be happening but it is, and I feel every ounce of it. He brings his lips to my forehead now, and I close my eyes tight.

“I wish this was all real sometimes,” I speak before I think.

“What do you mean?” Bellamy asks slowly, if it wasn’t a crazy thought I’d have sworn I could hear hope in his voice.

“I mean all of this is fake. For the list. This comfort and all of this isn’t real, and sometimes I wish I knew this wasn’t just for some list… That someone was as kind as you are in real life,” It’s not like me to be honest like this.

But I guess my normal is out the door for the night.

“Do you not think you deserve that? The kindness…” He asks and I shake my head.

“I don’t know. I deserve a lot of things. I want to feel like I deserve kindness from everyone but I don’t. I just don’t think it’s fully obtainable. Comfort from humans can happen, it's just… too hard to find, and I found it, but this is just for the list, I know that. I just… I want to keep it right now and pretend,” I speak quickly, not wanting him to interrupt me.

“Ryn…” His features soften.

I know I still have tears in my eyes. He’s looking directly at me, that electrifying gaze locked in on every inch of me.

“Pretend,” I speak before he can say anything else.

He looks at me with the same soft face. The same bright blue eyes.

“Tonight I want to know you and I want it to mean something. So pretend with me.”

He slowly tilts my chin even more. He moves his hands, putting us in a dancing stance.

“What do you mean you want to know me?”

“I want to know things that most people don’t know,” I admit.

“I want to know you, too,” Bellamy sways me, both of us dancing to the music that he's playing.

I tilt my chin back down, and Bellamy brings his hand to caress my cheek, his fingertips brushing behind my ear.

“What makes you feel the most comfortable?” I ask him softly, his heartbeat playing in my ear louder than the music that makes us sway.

“Hugs and warm blankets. I like ice cream but not anything chocolate or caramel... I like the raspberry or strawberry kind, it was my mom's favorite, and all we had in the house when I was growing up. So I ate it all the time with her. The smell of laundry makes me comfortable. Lawson and Griffin. Um… You. You make me feel more comfortable than any of those things.”

My heart leaps up to my throat.

“What about you?” He asks me as if he didn’t just send me into cardiac arrest with his words.

“Big t-shirts. Sienna because she never judges me. Football games. Rom coms. Your friends make me feel comfortable. Um, hot coffee, and you... You make me feel more comfortable than I have ever felt,” I tell him.

His hand slides up my back and through my hair, somehow we’re closer now. If it was possible I’d mesh with him at this moment. I’d be as close as I could ever get if there was a way.

“Who’s your favorite artist?” He asks me.

“Music?” I ask back, and he nods. “I love Kings Of Leon and boy bands. And I love Taylor Swift too.”

“I love the same things, but I’ve told you the music I listen to before,” He answers, and he’s right, I do already know the music he loves. “How do you take your coffee?”

It’s not something he’d ever need to know. It’s not something he’d probably remember in a week or two, but he asks like it’s the most important thing in the world to him right now.

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