Page 81 of The List of Things

His eyes are on me now. The tension in my body leaves at his confession, my heart melting again. That’s thoughtful, especially considering he wasn’t sure if I would stay here. Now I feel bad I never got him a sleepover kit for my apartment. I’m not as thoughtful as he is. That’s incredibly blatant.

“Oh... Well, that’s very sweet of you, thank you Bell...” I tell him, moving down from the counter.

“You promise you’re okay after...” His voice trails off and I nod.

“I do. I’m fine... Why are you so nervous now?” I ask him.

“I’m not. I just don’t want you to change your mind… and... I was wondering if you... If you were staying tonight? You don’t have to of course, I just figured I’d ask just in case... That way I could get you something to wear, or get ready so I could drive you home. If you want me to. I just figured I’d ask,” He rambles, the confidence he just had completely gone now.

I smile and reach my arms forward. I hook them around his waist, pulling his body to mine. I look up at him, and he looks down at me. The comfort returns, his hands finding my face. I close my eyes, a close lipped smile spreading across my face as he holds my face, his thumbs grazing my cheeks.

“Do you want me to stay? Are you okay with that?” The question feels odd to ask.

I never stay after a hookup. I never let them stay either. I’m not really sure what this is, but I know it’s not that.

“I am... I mean I do. But only if you want to stay,” He tells me.

“I’ll stay,” I don’t hesitate to agree.

I never had a morning after, or a walk of shame. But as I established before, this isn’t a normal hookup.

“If you don’t want to stay you don’t have to. I know this is technically just a hookup... I mean we aren’t... I’m not really used to the no strings attached thing is all. So I’m not really sure how this part works,” He tells me, admitting why he’s acting the way he is now.

He knows I’m used to this kind of thing, and that fact shouldn’t bother me but it does. I always think someone is thinking something bad when in reality it’s probably the opposite.

“It can work however we want it to work. This isn’t really a normal hookup... It’s... It’s just different. I’m staying alright? It’s not a big deal. I’ll stay whenever you want... For the next week at least.”

The truth sits in my chest as I speak it out. One more week.

“Okay... Um. You can shower. I’m going to clean up, I’ll be in soon okay?” He asks and I nod.

He doesn’t kiss my lips, but my forehead instead, his lips soft as he leaves the bathroom. I step into his shower, the hot water burning into my skin as I do. I don’t flinch at the feeling, my skin still tingling from his touch that’s gone now.

That was... It was good first sex. It was great actually. I’ve never hooked up with someone for the first time and had it be that good. It felt different... Bell cared about how I was feeling of course which is a giant perk. But I can’t really put a finger on the exact reason. Technically we won’t be sleeping together again. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but we also weren’t supposed to sleep together yet.

I really don’t know what’s going to happen when it comes to the two of us... But if it was up to me I’d love to... Explore more with him. But he seems off now, and to be honest I feel off. I feel heavy. I feel... I feel scared. I feel scared because it feels like there are a lot of things left unsaid right now which is normally the opposite when it comes to me. Everything is usually always on the table. It could be the secret feelings I’m harboring. Though I’m 99% sure those will disappear once I get on the bus back home.

I think alone for a while and shower, cleaning myself off. The second I peek my head out of the shower to look for Bellamy, he's walking back into the bathroom. He has a towel on to cover himself now. I catch his eyes, and a soft smile hits his lips. I look around, my eyes searching for a towel, my hair dripping wet. He moves quickly, his hands reaching under the sink. He hands me not one, but two, and I take both of them. I step out, the water still running. I wrap the towel around my body, and then take the other, and wrap it around my hair.

“I’ll only be a second...” He tells me, and I nod.

He drops his towel and gets in the shower.

I reach intomydrawer once more to find face wash and a toothbrush. I wash my face quickly and then brush my teeth.

I walk from the bathroom, and into his bedroom. The sounds from outside the room have lessened. I’m assuming it’s only Lawson, Griff, and Jade left now, but I don’t want to leave his bedroom to look. I notice that the sheets have been changed already. What the fuck is he? Is he from a different planet? There’s no way this is real life. This doesn’t happen. He’s just playing this up for the list, he has to be... There’s a shirt folded on the bed and a pair of briefs as well for me. I drop my towel and take the clothes, putting them on my body. I throw both towels in the hamper by the door, and run a brush through my hair, letting it dry naturally. The water turns off, and I don’t look behind me, I just wait and crawl back into his bed.

Bellamy walks back into his room, a towel around his waist again, his skin wet from the shower, and tempting even though I just had him... That’s the problem. I don’t think I’ve ever hooked up with someone I’m this attracted to.

Bellamy is a different kind of attractive. He’s cute but sexy. He’s easy to look at. He’s intimidating with his strong features. Sharp jaw, and incredibly sharp cheekbones too. His nose is perfect, and the light stubble coming through might be seen as an imperfection, but I think it looks perfect on him. His lips are soft, and always pink. His face softens the minute he smiles, his dimple prominent, and his teeth pearly white. His eyes are second to the dimple... A soft pretty blue covered with thick lashes... And if his face wasn’t enough his body... His hands... They are...

“You’re making me feel like a science project,” He’s joking.

I know by the way he smiles at me, and I look away. I was really just staring so hard at him.

“Sorry. I was thinking.”Thinking about how hot you are…

“Are you okay?” He pulls shorts over his briefs.

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