Page 50 of The List of Things

“I just don’t want anyone to get any ideas,” I know I don’t have an impeccable reputation as it is... but everyone knows I’m not the dating type.

I have no idea what this will make others think. Part of me fears an expectation from others... Especially if people find out all of this is fake... I just don’t want to put myself in any danger.

“Well everyone already has ideas,” He admits.

“Yeah I know, your ex wants my head,” My laugh is filled with annoyance.

“Too bad she can’t have it. I don’t really care, we can know, no one else has to. It’s easier to live life without giving a damn about other people’s opinions, Ryn.”

“It’s just easier said than done,” I look up at him, and he shrugs.

“I just don’t know why you care about the opinions of others, if you know it’s easier to not care then just don’t,” He speaks like it’s easy, and I furrow my brows.

“That’s like looking at someone with depression and telling them to just be happy. It doesn’t really work like that Bellamy. I just don’t like the idea of people seeing me as…” I stop, and he raises his eyebrows.

“As what? The dating type? Or is it the fact that they’ll see you as mine? Do you think people won’t want to sleep with you after this? I can promise you that won’t be the case Kamryn,” His voice is a little more pointed than I’ve ever heard it. His comment somewhat hurts my feelings, but I know he doesn’t mean it the way it sounds.

I press my lips together and sigh, “It’s not that. I just hate the thought of being asked about this, or the thought of people knowing this was all an arrangement. I don’t want other people to think I’ll be making any more lists, or doing any fake dating or… Or anything of the sort.”

He sighs and throws his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his side.

“No one has to know that it’s fake, or they can. No one needs to know anything we don’t want them to Ryn. The best part about all of this, is we’re in control of all of it. We decide what other people know. I’m sorry for what I said. You have every right to be nervous about this, I just want you to try let all of it go,” He tucks my hair behind my ear, and grins at me.

“Okay fine, have it your way. I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I keep my arms crossed, and turn my face away from him, still uneasy about the topic, but wanting to move on from it.

I don’t want to ruin this date, even if it is fake.

“Then I’ll say something else, and we’ll stop talking about it,” I nod, waiting for him to come through on that promise. “You said you didn’t have any siblings right?” I shake my head. “Was that ever lonely?” I shake my head again.

“No, my mom was... Well, she is my best friend. She and my dad are... Honestly, I couldn’t even explain it. They’re just perfect I think.”

I know no matter how hard I try there won’t be words for them. There never has been.

“Are you and your mom not as close anymore?”

“We were inseparable before I left for school. I still talk to her as much as possible. We’re close in different ways now that I’m a few hours away. It’s just hard when I don’t live in the same house as her. But she has my dad, and she and my dad are fine on their own, especially with the way they love each other. They’re best friends.”

“You talk about the two of them like they hung the moon,” He’s not accusing me, he’s interested in knowing more.

He’s got a smile on his lips as he says the words.

“Because they did for me. My parents are just normal people to everyone else and that’s fine, but I mean it when I say they really are the best people I’ll know. They always cared about me and everything I did. They were the perfect example of a couple growing up. Mom and Dad had date nights every week while I stayed with Grandma. He would always take her somewhere new. My mom is always smiling, but she smiles bigger when he walks into the room. And my dad. He really would do anything for my mom. She says he’s been that way since before they got married. He’s been that way since the day he met her,” I relax my body into his, practically melting in his warmth,

“So if you’re parents are just like the movies, then why don’t you think romance is possible in real life?” His question makes me think.

I guess it’s a fair question, one I’ve never posed to myself, but I recognize the answer right away.

“Because they’re the only example in real life that I have. Besides, my mom told me all the horror stories of her horrible exes too. Cheaters, narcissists, and assholes. It took her a lot of tries to get it right and find my dad. Do you know how many Dylans I’m going to have to go through to find a guy like my dad?” I ask, and he nods to my answer.

“Fair point,” He’s quiet for a second. “When did they meet?” He continues, and I don’t think anyone has ever cared about where I come from besides Sienna.

“My mom was twenty and my dad was twenty four,” I tell him.

“And when did they get married?”

“1995. They had a spring wedding, and it rained all day but my mom didn’t care, neither did my dad. They were happy. My mom always told me rain is lucky on your wedding day.”

“I like how passionate you are about the things you love…”

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