Page 24 of The List of Things

“Ew,” He disapproves as he scrunches up his nose, and I laugh.

“Why do you think it was so short lived?”

“Because you hate men,” He answers, still not touching me once as we walk onto the ferry boat.

His answer is very funny and incredibly honest for a man, but it’s not entirely true.

“Yes, but no. It was short lived because I hate relationships, not men specifically,” I correct him.

“The list in my back pocket tells me differently. You’re a hopeless romantic,” He tells me.

“A closeted one. It’s not even really a secret... I just like romance movies... Just because I like them doesn’t mean I want them to happen to me. I watch horror movies too, that doesn’t mean I want a ghost eating my face off.”

The look on his face tells me everything I need to know. It’s like he can see right through the lies. It’s not a full lie, only half of one. I know I deserve to feel the things within the movies and books I love so much, I just don’t think it’s possible in real life, and if it is, it’s far too hard to find. I’m not ready for the disappointment I will have to endure to find the close to perfect person. I don’t want relationships anymore. And I definitely don’t want the ghosts eating my face off either.

“You said that you know some of the stuff on the list won't happen,” He points out.

We walk up the steps of the ferry boat, going to the upper deck. There is a good amount of people on board, but not as many upstairs. The deck is breezy and vast. A lot of space for the two of us to be alone. My nerves skyrocket once again.

“I did say that,” My chest is buzzing.

“You know I will be making everything happen, right? With consent, and after I talk to you... I just want to make sure you know I have every intention of keeping it all on the list... Doing everything.”

My shock is hard to hide on my face. I graze his features, trying to catch him in a lie, but he’s telling the truth. My surprise sits in the air.

“You know sex is on that list, right?”

He gives a short nod as he motions for the two of us to sit down on a bench near the edge of the boat.

“I’m aware,” He’s completely calm and collected.

I hope I’m coming off the same way despite how fast my heart is beating right now. This man has lost his mind. No, correction. I have lost my damn mind.

“So no offense, but how do you expect to have sex with me if you won’t touch me at all?”

His eyes are trained on the ground and his smile illuminates his face. His legs are spread as he sits, one of his hands resting on his thigh, the other hand resting on the back of the bench behind me. He looks up, his eyes catching mine. I watch as he looks between my eyes like he’s searching for something specific as he stares at me. He reaches his hand up, his fingers tracing my cheekbone and moving upward to tuck my hair behind my ear.

Bellamy has touched me in passing. We’ve hugged each other goodbye. We’ve grazed each other's hands when studying but he’s never... Never touched me like this. No one has touched me like this, and I think my heart just dropped so quickly it might be in my ass.

“I have no problem touching you Ryn, I just need to know what you’re okay with before I start assuming...” He tells me. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable, especially not on our first date.”

I’m not used to this.To a good person. To someone like Bellamy. His thumb traces my cheek, his fingertips behind my ear, holding me right where he wants me. Right where I want to be.

“I told you there are no rules... Everything is on the table... Everything except strings, those will never be attached,” My words don’t sound forced, at least I hope they don’t.

I feel forced as I speak them though. It feels like I’ve never had a drop of water in my body my entire life, that’s how dry my throat is right now.

“So if you’re ever not comfortable with something you’ll tell me?” His clarification somehow sinks my heart even further, mostly because I’ve never had someone talk to me like Bellamy is right now.

Hot, and respectful, I don’t know if I can get over it. That is in fact the bare minimum, though. Maybe I should raise my standards…

“Yes, I will, consent king,” There’s a slight smile still playing on his pretty lips.

“Your sarcasm is highly unreasonable considering I’m being a gentleman,” The boat honks its horn, slowly beginning to move. “Why?” He asks out of nowhere, I furrow my brows, and his hand slowly falls from my face, but slides over my shoulders, slowly pulling me closer to him.

“Why what?” His warmth is indescribable, and I’m infuriated by how good it feels.

“Why is everything on the table? Why are there no rules? Why did you say yes?”

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