Page 118 of The List of Things

It’s odd seeing all of them without Griff. He leaves soon for the NFL which I know must be one of the most exciting things. Parker Thompson is the wide receiver that’s moved into Griff’s spotlight position, and he’s good. Really good. He’s a year younger than Bell and I. He’s been on the team since his freshman year. He got some playing time but not much because of Griff. Parker is meshing with Bell, really well. Bellamy moves, and so does Parker. They’re going to be a good team on the field next year.

I keep my eyes on Bellamy without even meaning to. Every play, or snap I just drift to him when I have nothing else to look at. He’s captivating on the field. The boys look to him for answers and authority. They don’t have a team captain here, but he’s the unspoken one, it’s obvious.

I knew all of this about him before right now. I knew all this from just seeing him last season, but it’s elevated now. I’m far more into it as I watch him. The boys practice their plays, Bellamy snapping the ball, keeping his stance as he throws the football down the field. He’s incredibly skilled. He’s swift. His skin is glistening now, the sweat coating his tattooed arms. The fake play ends in a touchdown thanks to the throw from Bellamy. Parker is dancing in the endzone.

I watch as Bellamy celebrates with the new running back, a few of his teammates hyping him up as he does so. I see his smile as he pulls the helmet off of his head. He pulls Lawson into him, both the boys smiling as they walk from the endzone. Coach Corbin blows his whistle and the boys break, and I stand, moving my notes to the side. Danica motions for me to follow, and I do. The three of us pas out the named water bottles to the boys. Once they’ve got what they need I walk away from them, back to my binder with all my notes.

“What are you working on?” A voice asks and I turn to see Bellamy and I smile, showing the binder.

“Oh um… Player tendencies. What sides do they tend to use more, or their dominant hands, it’s like… Like a profile for each player. It just helps me.”

He looks at everything, his eyes scanning what I’ve written when the coach blows his whistle again.

“Run 'em again!” Coach Corbin yells, and I look at Bellamy.

He looks back at me, wanting to say something but not letting himself. There’s something unspoken in the look he gives me, something that tells me we’re going to talk soon, something tells me that he couldn’t wait because he’s waited long enough. We both have.

* * *

I siton the sidelines of the field. All the players have vacated as well as the coach, the scouts, and the onlookers in the stands. I talked through things I need to work on and practice with my two mentors. I really like them and I have a really good feeling about this summer. All of my nerves about the sessions and football, in general, are gone now that I know the two women I work for are kind and helpful. The giant stadium lights are beating down on me now, the sun having escaped the sky, and hidden itself away.

Today is supposed to be the longest day of summer sessions because it’s the first day. It’s the day all the new players meet the seasoned ones. It’s the day everyone gets used to something completely new but somehow not at the same time. Every ounce of field time felt like a rush. It felt like a dream and only confirmed that I had picked the right sport. That this was the place I wanted to be for the rest of my life, the sidelines just like this. Whether it’s pro or not, I don’t care.

I look out to the turf field. I smile to myself, proud, and happy. I made the right choice coming back. I’m deciding right now, no matter what happens between Bell and me. This is where I’m meant to be. I hear shuffling to my side, and I peer toward it seeing a wet haired Bellamy. He walks up slowly, his duffle bag on his shoulder. Parker and Lawson walk by his side. They’re all smiling, obviously coming down from the high they just felt.

“We’ll catch you later,” Lawson nudges Bellamy’s shoulder. “It was good seeing you Kam.”

Lawson’s smile is bright and I can’t help but think of Sienna when I look at him now. I avoid smiling, and showing that on my face.

“Bye Lawson, bye Parker. You guys did good today,” I smile at them.

Parker and Lawson walk toward the stadium stairs and Bellamy keeps moving forward toward me.

“I hoped you’d still be out here.”

I look at the field again, “I was just taking it all in…”

He’s used to this. He’s done it the past four years, I haven’t.

“It’s a lot to take in. I get it,” He must have felt it when he first got to school.

When he first got to play on a field this size, in this capacity.

“I’m really happy I came back,” My stomach is nervous, and uneasy for a different reason now. Feelings crash through my chest, and my stomach, and I feel nauseous as thoughts of what to say next hit me.

“I was relieved to hear the coach say your name today. I was... I was happy to see you on the sidelines every time I turned around today,” His words are careful and subtle which is unlike him.

“So…” I say and he raises his eyebrows.

“So…” He repeats. “I wasn’t going to push. I left the ball in your court, and I was keeping it there until you… Until you wanted to make a move. If you wanted to at all.”

I can understand why. He’s being careful for his own sake.

“I didn’t… I don’t know how... I don’t want to ruin anything or mess anything up. I don’t want to scare you or hurt you, and I wasn’t sure if you even wanted me to bring it up so I didn’t,” I’m rambling like an idiot.

He shakes his head in response.

“I’ve been waiting for something since the day I left you with everything Ryn,” He says and I nod to myself. “So you can start with whatever you want. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

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